From ghosting to cyberstalking: why job interviews feel like first dates.

Think about the last time you felt anxious, your voice was trembling, and your palms were sweating. What is the first thing that comes to your mind? The job interview you had last week, or maybe that blind date you were set up for?

Bingo! Both situations have actually much more in common than you might think, and here’s why:

1. Biological reaction of your body

Good old biology! We can explain the most complex reactions by examining the processes occurring in our brains. Shaking hands, racing heart, tensed muscles around the vocal cords, and brain fog, combined with feeling nervous and stressed, occur when our adrenaline and cortisol levels go up. This is simply our body preparing for danger by a “fight or flight” reaction.

Funny to know, we experience exactly the same body reaction when going through "eustress" (positive stress = excitement, usually associated with first dates) and distress (unpleasant stress = anxiety, usually associated with job interviews).

2. Internet research

Social media and Google stalking is a common practice before both, the first date and the job interview. We make use of all available resources to get to know the person we are going to meet. Maybe we have friends in common, or we went to the same school? A similar hobby can also be a great conversation starter. A cat lover? Don’t forget to casually mention your pet’s name.

A good tip: make sure you also check what other people see when they google your name.

3. Choosing the right outfit

“I don’t have anything to wear!” This is probably the most common sentence before every first date. We go through our closets in panic, trying to find the best matching outfit. We want to look good, but not too intimidating. Casual but not average.

A similar situation can happen before the job interview. Although the way you look is a big part of making the first impression, much more important is to feel comfortable and simply be dressed for the occasion.

4. First impression: you never get a second chance to make it!

Some studies say that women need only 7 seconds to know if there will be a second date. Fortunately, your interviewers probably have a longer first-impression rule, however, the first moments are pivotal in forming an opinion about us.

How does the psychological process of forming the first impression work? There are certain rules we should follow so the first meeting won’t turn into the last one. As much as appearances are important, what also counts, are the handshake, body language, and smile. Furthermore, arriving on time and ironed shirt help as well.

5. Making the other party feel special

This is one of the most common interview tips I give during job interview preparation. You can definitely use it also before your next first date ?? The person sitting on the opposite side of the table has already heard all the standard questions and clichéd statements. With a bit of creativity, you can shine and score some extra points. Use the knowledge from the pre-interview stalking to gather some interesting facts or find common points. A witty joke or anecdote will definitely help you to stand out from the crowd.?

6. Compatibility check

Both dates and job interviews have the same aim: determining if there is a future together. Each side wants to see not only if the click and chemistry are there, but also if they have the same goals, needs, and expectations. Remember, “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” actually equals “Do you want to have children and get married?”.

6. Everyone will ask you how it went

Once you turn your phone back on, probably it's full of messages and missed calls from your friends asking how you liked it. If you don't know it yourself yet or expect a rejection, all the interest might be annoying. That's why sometimes it's better to keep it a secret until you know the outcome.

7. You keep on checking your phone afterward

The meeting went well, you can still hear “it was great talking to you”, and you went home with a huge smile on your face. And now what? Do I call first or wait until they call? Is it too early to text? Should I send a message to thank them for the meeting?

You are afraid of coming across as too eager, or too nonchalant. In this case, it’s good to trust your gut feeling. In any case, asking for feedback can never be considered a faux pas.

8. Getting ghosted

The biggest mystery of today's dating world: disappearing without any explanation after a seemingly good date. Unfortunately, it's also common in the job search process. Lack of feedback and not calling back happen much more often than they should.

How to minimize the risk of being godforsaken? First of all, make sure you kick ass in the job interview or the date ?? Secondly, don't be afraid to ask for feedback before you leave the appointment: "So, how did I do, when are we meeting again?".

Good luck with dating & job interviews!