From Fired to Released (Part 2 of 3)

Unpacking Identity and Owning the Way Forward

For at least 3 months after moving to the suburbs, I was afraid to leave the house; I was still city-trained after decades of city life. When thinking about leaving the house, I thought about the difficulty in the journey ahead: running into construction, road closures, double-parked cars, delivery vans, construction vehicles, utility work, you name it – the city is full of blockers and hazards. Then, after finally completing the journey, there’s the anxiety-inducing search for a spot. Where the hell am I going to park when the street sweeping signs are in-season, the streets are shut down, the neighborhood continues to build more high-rises with no parking, and I’m left wanting, begging, hoping that something will open up while I drive in circles over, and over, and over again. Oh my god, it’s hard, and I couldn’t get over it.

After moving to the suburbs, when thinking about leaving my new house with a two-car garage and driveway, I actually envisioned someone parking in my spot and not being able to park when I got back home. That is crazy, but that was who I was as a newly adopted suburbanite. What a weird, wild, and difficult change that was.

I’m starting this post with this bizarre story because it ties so closely to fresh unemployment. It is so disorienting. Bear with me as I unpack this thought.

A Goldratt Approach

Thinking through the theory of constraints, The Goal, and The Phoenix Project, unemployment is best viewed in a theory of constraints perspective – the same constraints that trapped me with city-parking-thinking. If you’re unfamiliar with it, the theory of constraints states that a system's performance is limited by its weakest link, and focusing on improving that constraint can optimize overall performance. For me, this was fear of the unfamiliar telling me that I didn’t know what I was doing and that I didn’t know how to figure it out; therefore, I was an imposter/failure before I even started.

So, I leaned into what was familiar. I work hard; this is who I am. I worked so hard during the great recession that I created hundreds of resumes and cover letters that were specific to jobs. I worked and worked to find a job with hard, heavy grunt-work. This was not efficient, and really quite the opposite. This happened for so many reasons, and the biggest one was that I didn’t know any better. Unemployment is not my natural state. I’ve worked my whole life, from sorting parts in my dad’s warehouse to being a camp counselor. Here’s a sampling of the jobs and companies I’ve worked for:

1.?????? Abbey Plumbing and Heating

2.?????? Whitpain Township summer camp programs

3.?????? KB Toys

4.?????? AMC Theatres

5.?????? Coconuts Music (an FYE company)

6.?????? Friendly’s Ice Cream (4 different locations across two states)

7.?????? The Ground Round

8.?????? The Bear and Grill

9.?????? Financial Aid at Fairfield University

10.?? Tutor

11.?? RA (Resident Assistant)

12.?? Larson’s Liquors

This is most but not all of the jobs I had before graduating from college because I honestly can’t remember them all, and it also doesn’t include volunteer commitments or athletics. I played sports for pretty much every season in high school in addition to some of these jobs, which I’m listing out here partially because it’s fun – I forget about this stuff if I don’t bring it up occasionally – but mainly to highlight how much that work is a part of my identity. Not working is wholly different from who I am since I’ve been working for most of my existence.

Unemployment is like dropping me in a foreign country without knowing anything at all about the language, culture, etc. It’s a whole new thing to figure out, and what is even more foreign is figuring out the steps to becoming employed again: here laid the constraint that I’d never really overcome and was so scarred from my past experience that it was my biggest, most unpassable bottleneck.

And it was not just getting employed again. I’ve proven that I can get a job. Beyond those things listed above, I’ve earned enough time in plumbing and heating to take my journeyman’s test, I am currently a licensed teacher in two states, I am currently a licensed real estate broker in two states, and I’ve waited enough tables that I could work in any restaurant or bar.

The Root Cause

Some of this goes back to being the child of an entrepreneur. I collect licenses as a back-up option in the event of disaster. My dad had worked union jobs before I was born but wanted to create his own space and be his own boss, so he transitioned to create his own company (also before I was born - as the youngest of 5, there was a lot of pre-me time), which my brother now runs and one day one of his sons will likely take over.

Growing up, entrepreneurship was all I knew. Business went through cycles and there was concern about meeting bills and spending money. That was scary to me. Thinking back right now, I’m not even sure how I picked up on this. What I remember now is hearing that we couldn’t spend money on anything that I wanted because we didn’t have any money. Having discussed this across the many stops along my life’s journey, this seems like a pretty transcendent theme for that generation of parents, regardless of actual income, but it’s what I knew and it’s something I thought about and still think about to this day: providing for my family. While I love the idea of entrepreneurial life, there is always the tug of how do I provide – money, healthcare, all of the things?

The Runway

Thankfully, I got paid to leave that company after 12 years of service - I was fortunate, and that gave me a long runway to sort out my next steps. I was finally forced to do the things that I was not doing all along. I was also lucky due to where I lived. On Massachusetts unemployment, there are classes, required job searches and applications, and an assigned case worker.

I’ve lived in a lot of states, and Massachusetts is an amazing one for so many reasons. This unemployment support helped me learn so many amazing things about available data on jobs (what jobs are in demand – particularly in my field – what the salaries are, where they are most popular), provided educational classes so I could learn all the stuff in the previous parentheses, gave resume and cover letter tutorials, and so much more. It was incredible and something wholly unexpected because what I expected was disappointment – someone parking in my spot: endlessly searching as I looped around and around and around and around all on my own. This runway gave me tools to move forward in this unfamiliar space.

Networking!

Networking seems to get a reaction – positive or negative – every time I’ve ever talked about it, regardless of how important both sides (positive and negative) seem to think it is. For most of my life, I’ve never understood it. Certainly, it was something that existed, but I didn’t have any concept of how to do it. Beyond that, it made me feel weird and uncomfortable, and sweaty – the type of reaction that you get when what you’re doing is wrong, so wrong that your body does weird stuff to trigger fight or flight feelings and reactions. Networking at its core is a weird and unusual thing for most people – certainly for me.

What’s even more bizarre is that I love it now that I have a better understanding of it. I get to reach out to totally awesome people, ask them questions, share information, and learn about stuff. Honestly, as an inquisitive person by nature, this is the best thing ever. Does it still make me uncomfortable? Yes.

Do I love it so much that that doesn’t matter? Yes.

What’s Next?

We’ve dug a little deeper into my unemployment journey in this one, mostly focusing on identity and mindset, because those are two of the biggest things that changed across my eight months of not working. I can’t say enough how fortunate I was to have that opportunity. I reflected – deeply – on so much and the above thoughts are some of what I unpacked to help me move forward as I found advocates and allies to help me.

With the next installment, I’ll share more about the importance of building a support network and investing in yourself to move closer to your goals.

How have you gone through your own personal journey of rediscovery? Do you have tips/tricks/thoughts to share? Please leave them in the comments to help guide anyone else reading this – we’re all on this journey together and shared experience is an amazing way to learn.

Thank you for reading this far. If you did read this far, please consider recommending this newsletter to someone you think would appreciate it like you do.

Thanks again and have a wonderful week ahead!

Gerry