From a fearful Money relationship to confident independence

I thought it was time to start sharing more with you all on my personal money journey.

The image above shows a message I painstakingly drafted and then sent to my husband years ago. It was the early days of self-employment (after 20 years ‘steady’ employment in the charity and public sectors) and whilst things were looking good, cash flow was slow.

There I was, a lovely woman with a mission to help, but an identity rooted in fear and lack (and I was going nowhere with that narrative running the show).

I had a terrible relationship with money and I projected this onto my relationship with my partner. I knew I was really very able to use our savings to bolster a tricky month but I was choosing to ask, make it personal, and assume the role of victim.

Money ‘made’ me feel bad and apologetic - you can see that in the message. I was making the question so big because I was addicted to hating the way money made me feel.

Really the message could have read, ‘Hi, I’m going to use some of the savings this month.’

But I brought victim and permission into the mix because I was bad with money and felt bad about money

It wasn’t long after this message that I entered the world of money mindset and I am truly grateful to some wonderful coaches who helped me dive deeper into self-worth and recognise the old patterns and programming going on beneath the surface.

I was leaking my power to money and fear.

I had no reverence for money. It came and it went.

I was working from the feast or famine story that so many entrepreneurs hear on their journey.

However, whilst money mindset got me so far I would still find myself emotionally triggered and back in lack. I tried my hardest to believe I was wealthy, sat crossed legged daily, googled ‘binaural beats to call in unexpected money often but still nada.

‘Head back to work’ said my ego, but deep down I knew that wasn’t my dharma and I had a bigger offer for the world.

Still the stories of job security would appear. For fleeting moments I would look for a job but my heart would sink as soon as I looked at the job description or worked out how much of my life I would be exchanging for an hourly rate.

I realised I am an entrepreneur.

I solve problems for people and value my freedom and independence highly.

Because of this I chose to stay on this path and master my money mindset to support my entrepreneurial dreams. Many courses, weekly challenges and self-help books stretched my already at the brink financial limits. I studied many people who offered their take on money mindset and unfortunately I still didn’t 'get it'.

Yes, fear dissipated.

Yes, I started sleeping better: but still no cosmic abundance delivery.

The next level courses were offered and I was told to be resourceful by all the ‘gurus’. Sometimes I was, I did the courses, but still nothing.

Why wasn’t I getting it? After the investments of money and time?

Now I am a pretty determined character and I just knew I had to be missing something. I also knew I wasn't alone as I would bump into the same characters in different courses and Facebook communities.

Money mindset became my focus. I dedicated time and energy to noticing what worked, what didn’t, how I felt, reacted, spoke to money and looked after it. I also started noticing what I do well in other areas of life and that shone a light on relationships.

At around this time Gillian, my business partner and I met, I won’t tell Gillian’s story but it’s fair to say we were inspired and confused by money mindset in equal measure. A great match indeed!

Together we shared, coached, inspired, motivated, laughed and nurtured one another and through the process came to see where we were and what was in front of us our relationship with money.

Into this Money Love Immersion was born. Of course it took some more time, early mornings, weekends and evenings, but we were so passionate and were enjoying ourselves with it. This approach helped us finally ‘get it’ by providing a stable bridge from lack to abundance with stop offs along the way for deeper’ more personal insights and learning.

Since taking this new approach I haven’t looked back and have stayed committed daily to my relationship with money.

So much has changed and the once forced, empty and panicked gratitude has been replaced with a calm and knowingness that everything will be okay. If you too have tried all the money mindset hacks but can’t quite build the bridge, you are amongst friends in my world and if you would like to know more about the unique Money Love Immersion approach please do get in touch.

Thank you for reading and being a part of my network here on LinkedIn, and please know that wherever you are right now you can create and nurture a healthy, flourishing relationship with money and when you do so much more becomes possible.

Victoria