From father to son - A journey and mission of a whole life (English Version )

I thought a lot about whether I would write this article and publish it here, but I decided to do it. Fistly I published in Portuguese, but as I have many colleagues from other countries, and this topic for me is very imporant in several parts of the world, I translated this one to English.

From the beginning, I started this project on leadership and career with a mission in mind, to help to make a better job market. Bold, yes, it may even seem utopian, but it gives me reasons beyond running every day to pay the bills (which, of course, is also super important).

With that in mind, I've been helping a lot of people and I thought why wouldn't I do that for the ones I love the most? I then decided that the time had come to do this for my son. Bernardo, who turns 18 this year and will soon have to navigate the professional world, but with bigger complexities compared to most, I'll explain now...

So, the personal tone with which I normally approach corporate topics reaches another level with this text. It couldn't be any different, I talk here about the relationship with our son, with his challenges and joys. There is the term atypical parenting, and although it is important to generate awareness, I prefer to just use motherhood and fatherhood, after all, all children are different and that is how I see both of us.

I used “our” intentionally, because without my wife Mariana, this story would certainly be very different. We're in this together, but she did and still does things that I wouldn't have the capacity, courage, or strength to do. Here's my first piece of advice, regardless of who your partner is for this path of parenthood (atypical or not), having someone better than you in many things in life by your side is what can make all the difference. Unfortunately, there are cases where one of those responsible abandons the journey midway. This is the worst and most damaging decision for the children and the other partner.

The central theme is Autism Spectrum Disorder , which is technically a series of conditions characterized by some degree of impairment in social behavior, communication and language, and by a narrow range of interests and activities that are unique to the individual and carried out in a much more constant way.

As the concept shows us, there is a spectrum, so my view here will be of a parent of someone who has some of the characteristics of this set of possible things. But again, we cannot generalize as we are all different.

In his case, I can remember a few things :

He has super deep knowledge about certain topics that interest him, but it's really deep, so much so that it's impossible for me to follow it or even understand it at times. I have not yet personally met anyone who has the knowledge he has about the history of humanity combined with the ability to connect with the current world to conclude how we are walking and where we are going. There are obviously people with greater capabilities, but I personally didn't have the opportunity to talk.

As a child he had no problems with speech, although currently his communication is super direct in some situations, he is capable of talking for hours about a subject of interest to him, which can be difficult for the interlocutor.

Extremely faithful to his routine, if something is scheduled for 1:53 pm, that's the time that applies to him. Like many people with ASD, he has a high sensitivity to certain types of noise and a very clear rationale for why and how to dress. He always prefers comfort, he doesn't care about social conventions or vanity in relation to fashion. Still in relation to this fashion theme, he prefers a haircut with a hair clipper, according to him, it is much more practical, as he does not need to worry about hairstyles or special care, it makes his life easier.

Here I talk about what I think is the biggest challenge for him and others on the spectrum. Their way of seeing things, and thus their behavior, are very different from the socially established standard.

First, he is super sincere, if you don't want to hear the truth, don't ask him.

Interaction with many people, for a long time, can leave him physically exhausted, it happens, it's not something he makes up.

Your social filter for dealing with the complexity of people's differences is not like most of us, and this has unfortunately brought challenges throughout the journey so far. We don't have a society ready for this today, but years ago it was even worse, and we and he, now 17 years old, had to go through all these years defying established standards, really fighting at many times, but, mainly, we tried to teach, at the same time we were learning.

The schools were not prepared, neither here in Brazil nor in the USA, where we lived for 4 years. Fortunately, today he is at the best we have had here on this journey so far, Anglo in S?o José dos Campos. People, always people, are the ones who make the difference and today we have some at this school who have done so. And we are very grateful for that.

And as we learned, in fact, to this day there are things we don't know about how to walk this journey, but the purpose is much greater, so we will always move on.

Finally, I want to share two things:

First, I will allow myself to make an analogy with the values of the company I work for, that I believe in:

For people who have a leadership role in the job market, as I and several others here do, we need to think more broadly, with this, people like my son will be able to exercise their ability to think more deeply.

We need to be pioneers so that we can challenge the standards that will allow him to also be a pioneer, precisely because he thinks differently, I'm sure he will be.

We need to create conditions in society for him to achieve great results and these can have an immeasurable impact for him and for all of us, as his capacity in some aspects is substantially greater than the average.

In terms of ethics, we have a lot to learn from him, his level of integrity with himself and how faithful he is to his values is something he teaches me every day.

And finally, inclusion, well, this is one of the main reasons for all the reflection I bring with this article.

The second is regarding a letter I wrote to my two children, many years ago.

A vision of what their walks on life would be like. The card is the same, the interpretations they make of it is unique.

I emphasize this, because this is how I see my two sons, Bernardo and Rafael, as unique beings with different characteristics, regardless of whether one has ASD or the other does not. They both deserve and have the right to look ahead and walk towards the future, and while Mariana and I are here, we will guide them in bigger or smaller degree, but they know that they can always count on us. In addition to my purpose of being the best father they can have, I will pursue my mission to build a better job market, for them and everyone, because that is what I believe.

Letter from father to son

"First steps

Son,

We are fascinated by your first steps, know that these will be the first of many. At first it will be like this, you will have difficulty balancing and your walks will be short, from one sofa to another. In these moments, your parents will always be close by, we will let you fall but not get hurt. We will be by your side in this first great achievement!

As the years go by, your steps will become firmer, your walk will pass through places that you don't know, but that we already know, and then, we know that you can walk peacefully. With some difficulty, but calmly, since you know that we will always be close by, in case there is any unbalance.

As time passes, it may be that some paths you choose, we don't know so well. But that's okay, even though it may seem difficult for you, we hope that what we've taught you so far will guide you so that your steps are increasingly firm.

On this walk, you will mature, and more irregular terrain will appear. At some moments it will seem like you are walking in the dark, but somehow you will manage to find your way, at others, you will walk above the clouds, and then you will feel like the happiest human being on the face of the earth.

I must warn you that you may trip over an obstacle or fall into a hole. If it's not too deep, you can easily get out on your own. If the fall is more serious and you get hurt, even though we are not around, we will show up to let you know that even far away we are your parents. If the fall is really bad and you need to learn to walk again, we will be the first to teach you again. After you get the on feet, we will leave the scene and you will continue your walk, firm, strong and always moving forward.

We will certainly watch you walk so strong and firm that at some point you will fly! It will reach very high flights, much higher than we did one day, after all, that is what parents wish for their children.

There will be a moment when perhaps my steps will not be as firm as the ones you knew, but certainly when that day comes, yours will be safe enough to start this cycle again. Oh, it will, it will definitely...

With the hope that the natural law of life will be present, one day my steps will be so fragile that I will no longer be able to walk here. Rest assured, because when that day comes, I will see from above all the beautiful footprints that you and your brother left and will leave here.

Those will be the paths built by you in your lives!

Oh, and with luck, I will also see the footprints of your children, grandchildren....

? Good Steps!

? Your father. "