From exhausted & Sunday scared to recharged & ready to go - how ya feelin?

Hello from my home office in NYC (finally!),

If you’ve been subscribed to this newsletter for a while, you might have noticed I have been on the move this summer: NYC ?? Nashville ?? NYC ??Seattle ?? NYC ?? The Florida Keys ??NYC ?? Colorado, with a few weddings sprinkled in-between. With my husband out of town with friends this weekend, I found some rare time home alone with our dog, Noodle.

Typically in this situation, I have two modes: weekend hibernation with a Netflix binge and a few workout classes scheduled in between OR saying yes to absolutely everything social to get it all in.

Although I said yes to a lot this weekend, I prioritized yes only to activities that fill my cup - giving me energy rather than draining.

This weekend that looked like:

• ???Rest?- a night in on Friday with Noodle & a great true-crime docuseries
• ???Movement?- a Saturday run and a long bike ride down to SoHo and back
• ???Community?- a picnic with friends from my volunteer group to kick off the start of our volunteer year
• ???Music?-a night out dancing with a dear friend at the Brooklyn Mirage last night followed by a jazz brunch at a swanky hotel today

This weekend I feel like I found that coveted balance that leaves me on this Sunday evening, even after a client call & chores at home, actually more recharged than drained. Typically, I fall on either far end of the spectrum: either that I did absolutely nothing social and just rested OR that I did too much and I need a weekend from my weekend. Either one of these feels hard and, with that, Sunday scaries hit even harder.

But balance - this is the sweet spot and I want that for you. I firmly believe that even if you have a ton on your plate (looking at you, parents!), being intentional with your weekend is a practice that can still be applied, whether you’re gearing up for another work week or another week of searching for that next opportunity.

So let’s talk:

• clarifying?optimizing for your ‘right now’ cup fillers
• connecting?the dots between live music and layoffs
• communicating?boundaries - how to practice setting and re-setting and re-setting
• &, of course,?how I can help??

Clarify ??

As I wrote about last week, to change and evolve as people is the human condition. So I find it a little silly when people are surprised that the things that used to bring joy & consumed weekends no longer yield that happiness. Some of that is just good ole’ fashioned growing up (i.e. I can no longer stomach nor do I want to drink Friday & Saturday & Sunday brunch or, if I’m being honest with myself, even at all) and some of that is where you physically are in life. When it comes down to it, I think it’s near impossible to extract your ideal weekend activities from where you live - in Dallas, every weekend I lived at the pool (out of necessity, do not miss those Texas summers ??); in Denver, I was mostly outside; in New York, I avoid the subway weekend schedule; etc.

Really, it would be more shocking if your ideal weekend and what fills you up now is the same as a decade ago - you’re a different you, so?step 1 is to acknowledge, accept, and celebrate that your interests and what drives you are different from the past and will likely be different in the future.

Next,?step 2 is to figure out what fills your cup right now.

To figure that out, here are a few tips that have worked well for clients recently:

• If you process by writing: Set a 10-minute timer and journal on a few of the below prompts to see what comes up:
• If you process by talking: record your answers to the below prompts in a voice note and, if you can stomach hearing yourself talk (most people can’t), listen back to pick up on themes
• If you’re not even sure how you best process: try a mixed approach - bonus points if you share what you find or even do the exercises with someone you trust!

Writing & Speaking Prompts:

• If you could do anything on a weekend without life’s obligations, what would it be? (work backward from this ideal and see what’s possible to integrate into your weekend, even with life’s obligations)
• When do you lose track of time? Be specific. (do more of these activities)
• What are you craving right now? (this clues you into what your body may need)
• What in life feels like a chore? (of whatever comes up, sort into ‘has to be done’ and ‘not necessary’; schedule out the ‘has to be done’ and remove the ‘not necessary’ off your plate)
• When do you feel the most recharged? (do more of these activities)

Last,?step 3 is to optimize for those energizing activities against all of life’s responsibilities. To do this, I personally head into most weekends with a ‘have to get done’ list of life obligations and then a ‘want to do’ list to set intentions and make room for my interests. Some weekends, it’s mostly things I have to get done - others, especially when traveling, is all ‘want to do’ activities. My favorite & most fulfilling weekends are the balance of the two.

Connect ??

When I look back at my summer & toward my schedule for the next month, live music is a clear priority. It’s not an obligation but it’s something I very much want to do - as often as I can.

Last weekend, I spent Saturday on a Colorado mesa listening to alternative rock & jam bands at a private music festival.

Last night I saw Louis The Child, a favorite DJ duo of mine, do an alter ego set in a completely different and amazing heavy and dark style than their iconic pop melodies.

Today I dined next to a jazz trio playing what they love.

Next month, I’ll see Griz perform his mix of electronic beats and funky sax set for the last time before a sabbatical, jam out to another favorite duo, Sofi Tukker, poolside, and scream the lyrics to my favorite (underrated) female artist, Qveen Herby.

I love live music for many reasons but mostly because live music makes me present, humble, and connected to those that are so different than myself.

There’s nothing quite like looking around a venue across people so different (age, gender, race, profession) and realizing that everyone despite their differences is there for the same reason and groovin’ to the same beat. You get out of your head and feel. Live music sparks joy.

Similar to live music, experiencing a layoff is humbling - impacting the most senior to entry-level, and?can be?unifying - when you realize all levels can be impacted, especially in my large tech network where?layoffs have increased by 40% compared to last year.?But quite different from live music, layoffs generally spark shame - not joy (well at least not long-lasting joy).

Just in the way that live music reminds you that you’re not alone in the world -my music is helping job searchers, through my coaching, feel less alone, more connected, and begin to see sparks of joy in the future while teaching them the tools to run a successful & aligned job search - from application to salary negotiation.

If you’re feeling lonely in your job search,?please talk with me.

If you know someone feeling frustrated in their job search,?send them my way.

My calendar is finally opening up in the next few weeks from my busiest month in my business yet and I would love to share my experience and jump on a free absolutely no-obligation call to provide customized & actionable advice.

Book complimentary time with me

Confidently?Communicate ???

To close, exploration into what fills your proverbial cup is a wonderful exercise - but it’s just that, an exercise, if not practiced and communicated.

So is blocking your calendar for a needed lunch break, if you let people schedule over that sacred time.

Boundaries are hard - boundaries are a practice and boundaries must be set, reset, and reminded again.

So, I’d love to hear from you, what are your firm boundaries at work? How do you continually reinforce them? Or do you struggle here?

I’d love to hear from you & learn from you re:boundaries,?just comment your thoughts!

Until next Sunday,

Jess Storiale