From Deadline to "Dadline"

Recently, I had a conversation with a work colleague that I could never have imagined having two decades ago.

A new father, he was open, honest and vulnerable about the challenges of becoming a new parent and navigating this uncertain world. It had nothing to do with work. It had nothing to do with gender roles. It had everything to do with being human and connecting.

We have a working relationship. We live in different countries but that doesn’t separate the human experience. Perhaps no greater lesson is evident in this regard over the past twelve months than that one. Pandemics have a way of cutting through the niceties and getting right to the point.

So, when he opened up about those first few weeks, I wanted him to know that there is nothing so important at work that his mental or physical health should suffer. Luckily, the times we live in seem to support the importance of work/life balance though I think in many regards that is still very much an aspiration. I like to think of it more as work/life “integration”.

Regardless of what it is called and how many times we may read the importance of maintaining our health and wellness, it still can be easily removed from the realities of being part of a team, having deadlines and the mounting pressure to deliver in a world where workloads are increasing and the idea of “9 to 5” is little more now than a humorous movie from the 80s.

We have to ensure that we support each other so that our actions meet our words. We can't tell someone to make sure to take time off and then keep asking for exceptions - or not take on the task of making sure they are still "in the loop" and not forgotten when they actually do. We have to do this not because it furthers our career or our "brand" but maybe just because it's the right thing to do.

The good news is that, at least in corporate environments, there seems to be tremendous progress and hope. Two decades ago, as I was clumsily traversing the sleep-deprived landscape of work and being a new father, I recall showing up just in time to deliver a presentation to a regional sales team in the morning.

My son had decided to “express” himself (and his diaper) just as I was leaving to rush to work. My clock was not my own. As I ran into the seminar room, sweat dripping from my forehead and seeping through my French blue work shirt, the General Manager for the business was standing there and gave me a look. Trying to diffuse the situation with humor, I remarked “babies don’t seem to care that there’s a sales meeting.” I'm not sure if those were the exact words but that was the gist of it. But, I do remember 100% what his response was. He didn’t even turn his body fully toward me, just his neck leaning to me to make sure I heard, a bit towering: “you need to learn how to delegate better.”

I promised myself that I’d never make anyone feel like it was a choice between their kid and work. I didn’t that day and I haven’t since. My hope is that new parent or not, we continue down the road toward understanding and compassion that allows each of us to live by the values we hold most dear - this only creates true loyalty for the work we endeavor in, and as they say in the biz world - that's a "win/win" for everyone.