From Complexity to Clarity

Published at the request of the author, my fellow faculty member: Dr. Gerard Nuesell. 

It was an unpleasant situation, for sure, but one that seemed fairly manageable at first. Her supervisor was prone to mood swings when things weren’t going well for him, and it was fairly easy to steer clear when he was having a bad day. But as deadlines and goals were missed, pressure mounted, and the supervisor’s behavior shifted markedly – terse communication and intense scrutiny became the new norm around the department. By the time this visitor stopped by my office, things had gotten progressively worse until the stress and strain had become nearly unbearable. Each morning commute started with a knot in her stomach, and each day ended with a racing heart and racing thoughts. Is this week’s team meeting going to become as verbally abusive as the last one? Will I get berated in front of others? Am I about to get fired? Will I find work again? The swirl of thoughts and emotions was tremendous, and it was then that she finally reached out to pay me a visit in the ombuds office.

Oftentimes, visitors to my office follow a similar path: they encounter a stressful situation, try to cope as best as possible even as things start to slide in a bad direction, and ultimately come to talk when they realize that things have deteriorated to the point of crisis. While presenting issues are enough cause for distress, meetings almost always reveal numerous other life stressors, some related and some not – time constraints, health concerns, financial problems, a close friend or relative in need. The visitor mentioned above shared “difficulty with a boss” as her presenting problem. An hour into our conversation, I’d learned that her spouse was recently unemployed, her beloved dog was in ill health, and her son was struggling in school. Where to begin?

Life is full of change and adversity, and that will always be the case. Most of the time, we’re able to approach our challenges head-on, but sometimes they come crashing down on us. At those times, with our internal fight-flight alarm bells ringing loudly, it can be hard to collect our thoughts and find a way forward. Against a backdrop of anxiety and uncertainty, our worrying minds race to find a “solution” and often narrate very specific stories about how the future WILL be. And even though our fears often don’t come to be, we become entangled in them anyway. In fact, a study by Leahy (2005, Cornell University) found that 85% of the things that research participants worried about never actually happened, and in the 15% of instances when worries did come true, nearly 80% of participants discovered that either they could handle the challenge better than they thought or that they at least learned a valuable lesson. Hard times are real, but amplified alarm bells can make things feel even worse and give us the sense that stressors are insurmountable.

Thankfully, we are remarkably resilient and can bounce back from significant difficulties in life. But as we consider strategizing about the future, it helps to first create a sense of calm, settle the mind, and gain clarity about the present, starting with our emotional state. Where am I at right now? What emotions are present? What useful information might my emotions be carrying? Where do I begin? Research supports the belief that mindfulness can play a critical role in helping us take our initial steps forward by cultivating greater awareness (Thompson, et al., 2011) and helping us regain our emotional balance (Davidson and Begley, 2012). Fortunately, we can utilize this learnable, accessible skill to slow things down and notice what’s going on before proceeding to thoughtfully and intentionally responding to our challenges.

On October 29th, Patrice Borders, Barbara Boselli, Wadud Hassan and I will begin offering the four-part series, Rise: Bouncing Back in Turbulent Times, where we share how a combination of mindfulness, emotional intelligence, and elements of neuroscience can help us develop resilience. Join us to learn practical approaches that are essential to getting back on track – building emotional awareness, growing a positive mindset, embracing self-compassion, and cultivating gratitude – even during the most tumultuous times. Click here to find out more, then join us later this month to begin learning how to effectively handle life’s inevitable challenges!

By Dr. Gerald Nuesell