From Burned Out to Lit Up (Part 1)

This one is personal. And professional. And heart, head and data driven.

Not everyone knows this story, but so many high-level female executives have walked this tightrope, that I made the decision to share more broadly in hopes that it educates, inspires and contributes to eradicating burnout. And I also hope it gives you the grace to accept how important it is to prioritize your own mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health.

Let's start with the stats, then move to the heart. These stats just might surprise you. I'm betting if you are a woman, they don't surprise you at all.

According to The Glass Hammer, 54% of senior-level female leaders felt exhausted compared to 41% of men, and 39% experienced burnout compared to 29% of male leaders. According to CNBC, burnout is on the rise worldwide—and Gen Z, young millennials and women are the most stressed.

And if you happen to work in healthcare, the numbers are even more stark when it comes to burnout, depression and suicide. All on the rise for women since the pandemic.

With a few headline stats behind us, let's get personal...

Yes, I Can Handle It. All.

Fortune 500's. Privately owned. Private Equity owned. My career experience runs deep, and fast, and furious. I have worked for many CEO's. All men. All logical thinkers. All brilliant. I respected every single one of them. One in particular, attended a leadership workshop that really inspired him. He saw something going on in me that encouraged him to gift me that same experience a few years later. It was considered a leadership development program, unlike any other out there. I had no idea what I was stepping into. 'Inner Journey' was the name of the workshop, which should have been my first hint. My second hint was the location. Somewhere on a campground far north of Chicago. Bunking in a cabin with seven other high level female executives. Apparently, there was another cabin with high level executive men also attending.

Not wanting to give everything away about this experience, I will reserve this part of my story to sharing just one exercise, that now looking back on, was a turning point I refused to see.

My name was called. It was my turn to be in the center of the room, on the mat. Remember those junior high gym mats that smelled like sweat and plastic? Yes, that mat. The coach/facilitator asked me to lay back and close my eyes. Prior to the workshop, there was a slew of paperwork we had to fill out that she had clearly scoured. So, as she began to talk, she asked me question after question. "Are you responsible?" "What are you responsible for?" I laughed. Out loud. And I began the list. For every item I said out loud, she placed another gym mat on top of me.

Myself. My son. My husband. Our dogs. Our house. My job. My team. My customers. My parents. My husband's parents. Our bank account. Our 401k. Our investments. The bills. The mortgage. The cars. The health insurance. The vacation planning. The holiday planning. The holiday shopping. The holiday decorating. The chores. The hockey schedule. Homework. Picking a college with my son. Paying for that college. Selling our last house. Grocery shopping. School shopping. Cooking all meals. Cleaning. Sales calls. Business travel. And on, and on, and on........Nothing special, as I knew so many working mamas that did the same.

By the time I was done with the list, they had run out of gym mats, as they were stacked to the sky on top of me. I could barely breathe. Yes, I still thought this was normal. The coach asked me, 'Do you really believe anyone can breathe carrying that much weight around in their head?' I laughed, and said, 'Sure, I've been doing it my whole life. Yes, I can handle it. All of it." Until I couldn't. I left the retreat thinking, 'well that was interesting. Back to work.'

Just A Normal Life

I never gave myself credit for my hard work. For graduating top of my class. For going the extra mile. For climbing the corporate ladder at record speed. I thought it was normal. I considered myself 'lucky.' I had a great education. A company sponsored MBA from one of the best universities in the world. A fantastic, creative, and innovative team. A challenging yet fulfilling career. A boss who believed in me and my ideas. A supportive husband who dealt with his illness like a warrior and raised our son to be a warrior. An incredible son with the heart of a lion. We lived in a beautiful golf neighborhood. I got to travel all over the world. We were on par to retire early. I thought we had it all. Again, I thought I was lucky. But I was getting tired. And I was getting sick. And ignoring it.

Flash forward two years, Two incredibly tumultuous years. Again, I thought nothing of it. It was life just playing out. Normal. If we survived my husband being almost killed after a careless driver hit him while he was cycling, we could survive this. I was not special. People deal with tragedy all the time. All of this was normal. I did not believe in stress. I turned my back on it. I did not believe in yoga. Or meditation. Or exercise. Or downtime. I did not believe in burnout. I did not believe in depression. I did not believe that stress had any negative effect on me or my health. Until it did. Like a brick to the head.

After watching our new board-appointed CEO 'excuse' the prior CEO's executive team (including me) and watching my investment and retirement plan go up in smoke, I thought that was the worst possible thing that could happen to me and my family. I was wrong.

Stroke of Humility

November 1. Beautiful Fall Day. The air was crisp. Leaves crunched under my feet. Just cool enough for that first light jacket. It truly was my favorite time of year to be outside. My mom, who was living with us at the time, recovering from a quadruple bypass, begged me not to go out. She said that something was wrong with me. I had no idea what she was talking about. Never mind that I couldn't raise my hands above my head. Never mind that I couldn't find my ears to put my earrings on. Never mind that I was slurring my speech. I had pouted enough about the career blow-up thing, lying in bed for three days in shock, with no back up plan. It was time to pull myself together, meet one of my cohorts for coffee, who had suffered through the same layoff, and plan our future.

As I drove my SUV through our gorgeous neighborhood and admired the trees changing colors, I heard a voice from the backseat. "Turn around," she said. Who in the world was in my back seat I wondered? It sounded like Beth's voice. I turned my head around to answer her and there was no one there. No one in the back seat. Hmmm. I then glanced in the rearview mirror. That's when I noticed it. My face was drooping.

What happened next? What did I learn? Part two of the story drops tomorrow...........