From boardroom to music room, 9 learnings along my journey

It’s crazy how much you discover about yourself when you step into the unknown.

I just learnt it first hand preparing for my first solo piano concert, away from the familiarity of boardrooms and Zoom calls.

Let’s not forget when I return to boardrooms and Zoom calls...

1. Self-doubt is an engine

Self-doubt signals the entrance to my danger zone. It’s my trigger to push and go for it. (Will I ever be ready?... Will I know how to face the pressure?... Will people ever come listen to me?...) When I wonder, when I am pretty sure that I am in over my head, I feel the need to show myself that I can, and it gives me wings.

2. Let trusted voices in

Whatever we do, we never do it alone. Even if we have to do it solo. Trusted voices have a tremendous impact on us. Seek them, and let them sink in. Because trusted voices trust you, often more than you trust yourself. Tell them what you dream about, and they will find the words to convince you to try. Without them, I would have never dared to invite an audience into this ego trip of a solo piano recital.

3. Trust the process

Face the scary unknown with work: plan, train, practice, repeat, rehearse… and then plan again, train again, practice again, repeat again, rehearse again. If it doesn’t assure you of a positive result, it sure silences the questions and hesitations. There is no 'phoning it in' in classical music. Is there one in any industry? Fun fact: for me, when a piece of music is easier to play, easier to learn, easier to memorize, it’s the one piece that is the first forgotten when distraction knocks when performing. No pain no gain, I guess...

4. Health first. Always

Obvious, yes. And painful to realize… Playing music, like advising, leading, project managing, creating, is not just a mind game. Body dictates its laws and needs to be nurtured. Sit well, keep your back straight, stretch often, and eat well… One day, during a rehearsal with my teacher where I was running through my entire recital program and could not stop, I got thrown out of my game by the keyboard becoming increasingly covered in blood, because my fingers couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like a ballerina with her pointe shoes… I guess I re-learnt how crucial it is to know your boundaries, mentally and physically, before it’s too late.

5. Shit WILL happen

And then there’s life… a sick kid to pick up at school, a husband who suddenly needs your car, when you have long-time planned rehearsal on the other side of town… or your performing pianist partner who calls to cancel, the morning of a performance with you, due to a last minute injury… ?not dissimilar to a presentation not opening or a video not playing on your laptop as you start a pitch.., as my former boss and friend Jill Nykoliation always says: don’t just have a plan B, always have a second plan A. Survival!

6. Take it all in

Nothing of true value comes easy. So following one's dreams also requires massive work (at least for me). But let’s not forget the joy in it all. Two months into this project, my husband stopped asking me every night: what did you do today? Because the answer always was the same, consistent and boring: I practiced the piano. It seemed counter-intuitive for a long deserved break after 30 years of work work work… But ?how lucky am I? I don't HAVE to practice, I GET to practice, to play, to enjoy… When we are lucky to choose a profession or an activity, like most of us do, let’s make sure we also make the choice to intentionally decide that we GET to do things we do, that we GET to be with people we are with. Not that we HAVE to. It made a whole of difference for me, the day I realized that.

7. Only NOW matters

Next week, when I perform, I might sh-t the bed, I might have a humiliating memory slip in the middle of Bach, or Chopin… or struggle through the whole thing like a marathonian that just ran one too many races… but today, I woke up happy and I am spending three blissed hours behind my keys. So, as you do in meditation or in yoga, keep your mind focused on the moment, on today, on now, and if It wonders to tomorrow, to your to-do-list, to what might happen if..., keep bringing it back intentionally to now. Don’t worry, tomorrow will also become a now and will have its chance... But not now.

8. Declare It, and it will happen

In life, there are two kinds of people: the planners, self-assured enough to quietly build, prepare, and show the fruit of their work, when they are ready - I wish I were one of them. But I am not. The other kind of people, ?tend to self-doubt, to listen (too much?) to people, to fear failure… They might be insecure to a fault, and spend a lot of time covering it. That’s me... So my only way forward towards the scary unknown, is to declare my intentions publicly loud and clear to the world. Because when it’s said, when it’s too late to go back, when you have created expectations, you have no other choice than to do whatever you declared you were going to…

9. Inshallah

And when all that is said, when all that is done, there is only room for one last thing: belief. Believe in yourself, believe in destiny, believe in life… believe and jump. Because, as the saying goes, "God only knows"...

David Toto paused work for a bit and is playing Bach, Busoni, Chopin, Schubert as a Charity Piano Recital in support of Doctors Without Borders / Médecins Sans Frontières Tuesday March 19, 7.30pm, at Mazzoleni Concert Hall, in Toronto. For more info or to donate: ?https://action.msf.ca/site/TR/DIY/2020DIYTR?px=1278147&pg=personal&fr_id=1060&fbclid=IwAR2zqWNbb9xAgQZx_RmegimOvaG5izEiC-f2xwodXmkp8ck6-MNW5fCyYbc