From the Blood, Sweat, and Tears of Tweens: Lessons from 12U Hockey

Have you ever had a group of kids fall into your arms in tears because they've given you everything they have??I experienced this multiple times coaching my son's 12U hockey team this past season.?I received the coach of the year award for our age group.?While it's an award that will never land me in the history books, I feel that it is one of the shining moments of my life.?I will tell you that there are few critics as harsh and discerning as parents and community when it comes to how you handle their next generation.?This award was really a celebration of the team; I just happened to be the one to receive the honor.

Many of these lessons are common denominators in personal and professional life and have been validated across running a successful business, serving in the military, being a contributing member or my community, and achieving team outcomes in any setting.?I've chosen the top lessons I feel most excited about bringing to my next company, coaching my next team, or collaborating with others in my community.?While these lessons seem common sense, I feel that they get lost in the daily rigor of life in most organizations, teams, and communities.

Purpose: Give them a lofty target and they'll give you their very best

At the start of the season, the coaches and I shared a vision with our boys and their families in a parking lot behind the Snoqualmie Ice Arena.?We provided a compelling and unified vision to which we all would be held accountable. This wasn't about making skilled hockey players. It was about making better young men that would come together as teammates, as friends, as brothers. This gave both the kids and the parents a mission; purpose beyond a recreational sport. And people will respond differently with a purpose.

Resistance: I love disbelievers... I can turn them into my best advocates

You don't always get to choose your team.?This fact never disappoints.?People too often surround themselves with like-minded people that don't challenge or think beyond themselves.?What diversity or growth is there in those situations??Will that truly drive change and improvement??I love joining teams where few know each other and the group hasn't completely formed.?

What do you often get with those new teams??Disbelievers… skeptics… yes, even with kids 12 and under.?There were a handful of those tweens that just thought I was crazy.?I think the most common look I got screamed "how about you just teach me to play hockey?"?This disbelief fuels my fire.?Transformation is always so much more evident in those situations and converted disbelievers will often times be your biggest advocates.?There is something special about a converted heart. You'll also see that your believers are impacted in different ways never intended as their perspective and the foundation of their commitment are challenged.

Support: It's amazing what people are capable of when they feel cared for

One of the most fundamental roles of a leader is to help their team believe in themselves and each other.?This includes making sure your people have what they need to be successful.?In these pure cases, you come to see some amazing things.?

My more experienced players emerged as leaders that emulated the characteristics and behaviors for their teammates. Like a parent, you can tell your kids what they should be doing but they'll pay more attention to your actions.?They'll also notice when people they respect act a certain way.?People are the same with the leaders that emerge on their team.?It's a visible representation of possibilities.

People that operated in the shadows of comfort moved into the light.?My middle-of-the road players typically operated in the comfort zone were no longer happy with the status quo.?They wanted to improve, they wanted to lead, they wanted to be a part of greatness. A high performing team doesn't have a couple of great people that are hard at work.?Every team member shines.

Finally, younger members of the team build their confidence and brought the attitude, willingness, and intensity that spread across the team like wildfire. Spend time with your less-seasoned members.?They are hungry for the guidance that will help them build their habits and it's amazing what you can do with a blank canvas.?Even my most seasoned players learned a thing or two from these kids; a defender that decides to step up when his natural tendency is to step back or a forward that stays away from the play to be at the perfect spot to put the puck in the net. And, let me tell you, there are few celebrations as explosive as one around a junior team member that has succeeded.

Failure: Pushing boundaries and allowing for missteps drives growth

What will you do when things don't work out??Notice I said "when" and not "if."?There will be everything from obstacles to complete setbacks if you're pursuing any worthwhile endeavor.?It's important to try new things and push boundaries.?It's also important to admit where something is wrong and change your trajectory.?

Mid-way through the season, the coaches and I decided to change up the lines on a seemingly easy game and we got beat.?We challenged chemistry, confidence, and comfort.?We lost that game but this provided everybody with a great lesson.?A whole team perspective and awareness of other's efforts and roles. You come to find that the only true failure is giving up once you've been knocked down.

The Beautiful Swarm: Pushing past comfort ignites the team

I remember unearthing a massive yellow jacket nest with my cousins while exploring a family member's backyard.?It was intense.?I got stung seven times… and I was the fast one.?One of the kids had to go to the hospital after being stung over 50 times.?Have you ever seen bees or fire ants swarm when you stir their nest??Not so fun when you're in the thick of it, but it's a tremendous sight to see when you're looking in.?

During one game, a kid on the opposing team took an adult-size shot and hit our goalie in the neck.?My boy toppled to the ice and I went out to meet him.?In between gasps and tears, I saw a look in his eye.?There was no getting him off that ice.?His team surrounded him and got to witness bravery in the face of pain and fear.?That stirred the nest.?Opponent, meet the beautiful swarm.?My boys beat a team that far outmatched their person-for-person skill, but we were a team on fire.?Don't worry, I'm not suggesting physical pain for your team.?But people will swarm where somebody is able to push beyond themselves for the betterment of their work family.

The Lighthouse: Having a beacon is a great way to continuously re-unite the team

Ready for the icing on the cake??A symbol or a saying goes a long way.?We had a chant before the start of every period, but we had a special one going into the final period; "third period, our period."?It would make the boys feel connected and remind them that there was a strong finish that existed beyond their pain and exhaustion; a finish that tied back to our vision.?

We've all heard of "vision creep." Many have seen it first hand. It's because we lose perspective or a link back to what we envisioned our future. I would always get the best from my boys in this.?This became their call to arms and they took ownership of this from the coaches. The military is good about leveraging this war cry.?The corporate world can take some notes.?"Once more unto the breach dear friends!"

Fun: Even intense endeavors and goals should still be enjoyed

If my last point is the icing, this is the cherry on top… and the cherry is always fun.?We spend enough time on our work and activities that we better enjoy what we do and who we do it with. Life is too short to not have that perspective. Don't forget to have fun.?There were moments throughout the season where we'd take the opportunity to laugh and celebrate.?I embraced my inner child during our last practice.?It was fun activity after fun activity with the boys and we ended with 15 minutes of tag.?Apparently, we taught some great skaters with solid endurance over the season because the coaches were exhausted and we never won.?It was amazing.?Be genuine, roll-up your sleeves, be real, be human.

In the end, it was an absolute pleasure to sit back and watch the show; from coaches that would finish each other's sentences, to parents becoming best friends, to boys becoming men.?We didn't win a championship but lives were changed.?Coaches would come up to me and tell me about how they whooped up on my team early in the season, but feared playing us at the end of it.?Other parents would come up and mention how their kids couldn't stop talking about our team.?I'd call that a success.?I had three brothers (Dan, Eric, and Sam) and 15 sons on this team (Nathan, Leo, Luca, Stevie, Kamron, Christopher, Daniel, Seth, Rain, Charlie, Parker, Gavin, William, Owen, and Greyson).?And I was one proud family member.