From Being Right to Being Effective: Lessons in Leadership and Compromise

Growing up in an academic environment that emphasized being a good student instilled in me an unconscious bias toward always seeking to be right. Initially, this mindset served me well when I transitioned from academia to industry; proposing the most correct or optimal solution felt like an uncompromising work ethic. In technical fields, this often meant striving for better time complexity, space efficiency, or cost savings.

While I understood that trade-offs were sometimes necessary, I rarely felt bothered by them because I viewed the world through a lens where the best solution varied based on circumstances.

However, as I stepped into managerial roles, I began to face setbacks due to my habitual pursuit of finding the most correct perspective or proposal. Much like in personal relationships, sometimes you can be right but still be tagged as someone who's hard to collaborate with. I learned this the hard way when opportunities passed me by because I couldn't get along with my peers. I operated under the assumption that there must be a right decision to be made, and someone had to make it.

As a tech lead or line manager, this approach was often less problematic. With the support of good bosses, I didn't realize the importance of driving alignment until I became an executive. Before this step, my vision was laser-focused on getting things done, and anything standing in the way of my "right" solution was an obstacle.

But my viewpoint was challenged after hearing Barack Obama's speech at the Howard University commencement ceremony , which left me in silent reflection. He emphasized that even when you're certain you're right, progress often requires compromise and engaging with those who disagree. Holding onto a stance of moral purity might feel good, but it can prevent you from achieving your goals and lead to frustration with the system.

Later, during a coaching session with my executive coach, I received another awakening call: "Do you want to be right or to be effective?" This question hit me hard and suddenly broadened my horizons. I realized how often I had been ineffective by trying to prove that I was right or by trying to convince others that my idea was better than theirs.

Has this ever happened to you?

There were times when I felt so frustrated that I believed the system was flawed because I couldn't push forward what I was certain was the right decision—such as successfully promoting someone I thought deserved it.

Being willing to compromise, reach alignment, or identify a path that satisfies multiple parties is a crucial skill for any executive or aspiring engineering leader.

Recently, I had a coffee chat with a friend, also a tech executive, who complained that their sales department often made unrealistic agreements with clients, setting up his engineering team for overtime work to meet promises or failing to fully meet expectations. He felt frustrated, exhausted, and was considering leaving a company he loves. I pointed out that such conflicts are common because, despite being on the same side, different departments have different objectives.

There's a natural tendency for departments—and even teams under one leadership—to have conflicting goals. As the CTO of Shein, I'm constantly asked to balance cost, efficiency, and availability. If I try to reduce costs, such as by cutting the number of CPUs or GPUs in our ecosystem, it can impact efficiency or availability. Ensuring high availability often requires maintaining capacity to redirect traffic, but keeping enough buffer means missing out on potential cost savings. Similarly, reducing the number of nodes in a distributed system can save expenses but at the cost of efficiency.

At its core, an executive's job is not only to define the best objective function to make necessary compromises but also to think outside the box to elevate all aspects simultaneously. Ultimately, there is no single "right solution" -- only compromises and trade-offs.

Things get even messier when people factors are involved. For example, in today's competitive market, talent acquisition teams might push for higher offers to secure candidates, but exceptional offers can strain budgets and challenge internal equity. The formula becomes murky, with no single best solution.

While I can't claim to have found the answer to resolving conflicts, three frameworks have significantly helped me drive progress and navigate tough situations.

Framework #1: Ask Yourself, "Do You Want to Be Right or to Be Effective?"

I hate to admit it, but sometimes disagreements or stagnation stem from ego rather than the situation itself. Remember, people who disagree with you may simply have different KPIs or incentives. It doesn't mean they're ill-intentioned or that the system is flawed. The natural tension arising from conflicting KPIs is unavoidable in any business setup, given the dynamic nature of the world.

To put this into practice, you must first seek to understand the other party's thoughts and ensure they feel heard. I've found it incredibly useful to repeat or rephrase others' perspectives to uncover what's truly important to them—continuing this until I hear them say, "That's right," as taught by Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator. By mastering active listening, you not only earn trust but also gain the influence needed to turn disagreements into productive outcomes.

Once you understand their thinking and criteria, it's sometimes more effective to seek their help rather than trying to convince them of the superiority of your own position. Acknowledge the merits of their perspective and then enlist their assistance in achieving your shared goals. For example:

"I understand that reducing costs is critical and is your core KPI, but having a buffer of additional resources can ensure our site never goes down in the worst-case scenario, which is crucial not just for our business but also helps me meet my KPIs. Can you help me?"

Notice how I use "Can you help me?" while delicately pointing out a potential shortcoming in their position—that the site might go down, an outcome unacceptable to the business. The key here is to shift the conversation from a debate over availability versus cost to a collaborative request for assistance. This approach can smooth tension and accelerate alignment, especially when there is a strong relationship between the individuals involved.

Framework #2: Recognize That "You Can Only Move at the Speed of Trust"

When it comes to earning trust, it's much easier to reach agreements with someone you like or appreciate than with someone you don't.

Let me share a story. In my first week at Shein, I was invited to join a trip to Qinghai Lake with my future coworkers. Unbeknownst to me, the elevation exceeded 3,200 meters. Unsurprisingly, I suffered from acute mountain sickness upon arriving at the hotel. I'll never forget that night; I felt like I was dying. My roommate noticed I was ill and offered me his precious, last oxygen canister, saying, "I think you need this more than I do." I genuinely feel he saved my life, and we became best friends afterward.

Despite occasionally being on opposite sides at work or having different perspectives, I would never assume bad intentions from someone who lent me their last oxygen canister when we were practically strangers. Our mutual trust often allows us to resolve conflicts by sharing our perspectives sincerely and quickly reaching compromises that both of us find acceptable, eliminating the need to escalate issues to our boss or delay decisions by preparing evidence to convince the other party. A simple phone call is usually enough.

I'm not suggesting you risk your life to earn trust, but the takeaway here is to find ways to build relationships with your peers. I discovered this accidentally and later leveraged the technique to resolve many issues. The key is that people are more likely to like those who like them or to whom they feel gratitude.

Earlier in my career, I considered meetings as transactions or exchanges of information aimed at picking the best solution. Now, I place greater value on building trust through kindness, thoughtfulness, and having a good heart. Focusing on earning trust has become critical in my leadership principles.

Connecting the dots, I've found that trust is the foundation that fuels progress.

Many management books highlight the concept of the "first team." Your first team should comprise your colleagues and your manager, not your direct or indirect reports. This doesn't mean you shouldn't care for your reports, but I've seen many instances where people unconsciously become territorial or are perceived as hard to work with because they're striving to protect the team they lead. This is a natural tendency many managers must overcome.

Framework #3: Remember That "Speed Matters in Business"

As engineers, it's in our nature to strive for the best solution. This often means that what we believe to be right doesn't consider the speed or effort required to reach an agreement. You might spend countless hours preparing and weeks negotiating, only to end up with a deal that slightly favors your perspective. Alternatively, you could reach alignment quickly, so that the time saved brings additional business value and may build the relationships you hope to foster.

Being right has a cost because you often have to prove that another option is less than ideal. And rarely do people feel happy when their proposals are criticized. Spending time honing for perfection or purity is often not worth it.

In Conclusion

Ask yourself whether you want to be right or be effective. Being effective often means seeking progress over perfection, fostering trust over persuasion, and favoring speed over exhaustive completeness in business. By focusing on these three principles, you can drive progress, resolve conflicts more efficiently, and likely become a happier leader.

Embracing these approaches has not only enhanced my leadership effectiveness but also brought greater satisfaction in my professional journey. I hope these insights inspire you to reflect on your own leadership style and strive for effectiveness over being right.

What strategies have you found effective in accelerating alignment or resolving conflicts at work? I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences.