From Awkward to Awesome: 11 Tips for Building and Maintaining Your Network

This #FeatureFriday is useful for anyone who doesn't like networking, students and new graduates entering the industry, and folks looking to build their network intentionally and painlessly. If you struggle with imposter syndrome, neurodiversity, social anxiety, general awkwardness and confusion about networking etiquette, this article is for you. It's full of things I do today that I wish I'd begun doing when I was in graduate school and first started to make industry connections.

You always hear that the best way to get jobs is "networking." I thought that meant going to "networking events" and meeting random people. I thought it meant schmoozing and small talk. I wasted time posting "professional" thoughts on Twitter instead of LinkedIn. I spent time connecting to friends in industry on Facebook instead of nurturing a more professional connections on LinkedIn. (I should have been doing both; I don't regret my Facebook connections).

I've been attending the world's largest event for game developers, the Game Developers Conference since I was in graduate school in 2009. I was meeting people and giving out my business cards without the know-how to follow through.

So now, I try to give advice to new graduates—and anyone else who's interested—about how to leverage their networks.

1. Add people on LinkedIn, don't just collect their business cards.

I'd come from GDC with a stack of business cards and no idea what to do with them. People I'd met but weren't immediately "useful" in terms of working together. I had no idea what I'd say in a follow up email except that we met and that I was looking for work.

NOW I optimize for the LinkedIn connection. That connection merely cements that we have connected and are in each other's spheres. It requires no upkeep beyond what I will continue in this article.

2. Keep track of where you know people from on LinkedIn.

After you meet someone and add them on LinkedIn, send them a message saying where you met them. For example, I met Sarah Pressley at the Games for Change Festival last week and this is what I said to her.

This is mutually beneficial as, years from now, we have a record of what we know each other from. Today we don't have much to talk about as (we had already had a long in-person conversation at the event) and aren't looking to work together. But years from now, we may be reaching out about working on an initiative or project.

Incidentally, if you're not already familiar with the good works at Starlight Children's Foundation you should check them out and consider donating!

It might be years before a connection you made becomes important to follow up on. In that time people change jobs and you lose track of where you know them from. By having this record, I know exactly where and when I met Sarah and she has that for me as well.

I like to include this in my invite to connect when I can. It's one of the top reasons I pay for LinkedIn Premium, to be able to do this.

3. Make connections meaningful.

The number of connections going up is not the goal if they're just random people you're adding or people you don't know. You can follow each other for those sorts of connections. What you want is people you might one day be asking something of and to be in a position where you can feel comfortable asking. You want people to know who you are and you want to know who they are.

4. Be reactive on social media.

This is a great low effort way to stay fresh in people's minds. Interacting with posts, even if it's just a simple reacc such as a Like is a great way to remind people you exist. Over time, you and they will find that you see each other's names quite often and feel the connection form.

A "reacc" is an emotive reaction on social media to someone else's content that can be expressed with a simple interaction requiring no text to communicate. Most platforms support a "like", sometimes called a "love" or "heart" or even "up vote." Other platforms like Facebook and LinkedIn support more nuanced reaccs such as Laugh, Care, Angry, or Insightful.

The amazing thing about a reacc is how easy it is to do! (They also have a fun name that emerged organically in Facebook communities.)

Reaccs can also be used to train a social media algorithm in the kind of content you want to see more. And on LinkedIn, content that you interact with is more likely to be resurfaced to your own connections in their feeds. This creates an echo-like effect through your network and can be very beneficial to everyone involved.

Toni Dos Santos is staying fresh in my mind and I know what kinds of things he's interested in because of this. I was actually already following Aakash so I may have seen this one even if Toni hadn't given it a reacc. But the subject matter in the post was so relevant to this article I opted to choose it for my example anyway.

5. Be active on LinkedIn.

Comment on posts when you come up with something to say. It's always useful for the OP (Original Poster) to get engagement and it's a good way to connect especially if you don't know someone yet. This one is very context specific so I won't talk too much about it here.

Beyond commenting, post content. It gets easier with practice. Here are some prompts/ideas to help get started.

• Talk about a game you recently played and what you liked about it.
• Accomplish something interesting at work? Brag about it. This is especially useful because those moments tend to fade over time and they're useful nuggets for a future resume update or interview conversation.
• Try a new product you liked? Write about it.
• Have an opinion on a news story related to your field/tech interests? Write about that. You can get quite a bit out of just commenting on Elon Musk's latest antics IMO
• Take a course? Attend an event? Learn something new? Share about it.
• Leave an insightful comment? Consider making it its own post. LinkedIn may even prompt you if your comment is juicy enough.

6. Follow interesting people.

• People who work at companies that make things you like (Follow the companies too!)
• People who work in the same niche as you. For example, I follow many who write about gamification, behavior design, games, and product. If I see someone lives in my geographical area or has an even more niche thing in common (such as combined product managers and game designers or fellow queer professionals), I may send a connection request often with the intent to follow up in a conversation.
• Look out for top voices in your field. Some top voices have grown full-blown communities. For example, if you're in games and you're not following Amir Satvat, you ought to be. He's always posting wholesome and helpful things especially during the last year of unprecedented layoffs and has been developing a community complete with a discord and a LOT of job search resources.
• Industry- or discipline-specific recruiters are always good to follow. Engaging with their posts is a good way to get your name in their head here and there over the years. Eventually you may even feel comfortable adding them or they you.

7. If someone interesting that you don't know connects with you, try to schedule a conversation.

Once someone adds you or you add them, if you don't already know them, try to have a conversation. Ideally you will get on an actual call with them. Here's a couple of real ways I describe the purpose of the call when I'm reaching out:

• Compare notes on X and what it's like being Y
• Do the networking "thang"
• Get to know each other better
• I'd love to learn more about Z from you.

I highly recommend making it easy to book calls with you. Use a scheduling tool such as those provided by Google Appointment Scheduler or Zoom Scheduler. I'm a big fan of Calendly myself. By sending a link and letting folks self-schedule, you're much more likely to get results as you've made the process much easier (behavior design truism!)

8. Have conversations.

Whether its an in-person meeting, a new online connection you haven't met yet, or someone you met IRL but didn't get to talk shop with, that conversation is where you get to know each other. Review a person's profile first if you can and come in with some questions. Be prepared to talk about yourself as well.

Twenty to forty minutes is usually how long I give it. Longer calls are for people I think I have more in common with. A good conversation can go even longer though.

During the call, take a few notes. What is this person good at? What makes them interesting? What did you learn? If you're really disciplined, you'll be keeping track of folks in a spread sheet or even a CRM (Customer Relationship Manager).

If your conversation goes well, you will make a new useful business connection. Even better, you might make a cool new friend: I met Lindsay Mack during the Women In Product conference and now we have a recurring chat every other week. It's always useful to know folks in your discipline you can compare notes with and talk shop with on a regular basis.

Lindsay, herself, has a goal of meeting new 2 people a day, 4 days a week:

"For me, having a daily goal helped me to build a habit and also feel like I accomplished something. I'm a productivity fiend but needed motivation at the time, because the hustle can feel so hard. I loved putting the gamification lens on it....if I made my 'quota,' I'd feel better about chilling on Friday because I had accomplished my goals. There is something to be said for how we all keep our sanity in the networking and job search."

She knows what you're thinking when you hear those numbers:

"I've gotten a lot of 'oh, but it must be so easy and natural for you' but one of the tips I've told a lot of the people I've met is that it is scary and awkward for all of us to get started."

But Lindsay is just as awkward as the rest of us. She's set her goals to keep herself motivated to push through and rewards herself by taking it easy on Fridays. (Everyday gamification, folks). She and I both have realized that these kinds of calls are a great use of time when you're between full-time work. Because not only are you building out your network and feeling out potential new clients, you're continuing to learn and grow as a professional.

9. Make it mutually beneficial.

Networking conversations should always be mutually beneficial. Make sure you are being clear about what kinds of roles or info you want to get. And ask the same of whomever you're speaking to. What are they looking for? How can you help them? I always try to end a call with something like this. Some useful phrases to consider:

• Let me know if you see anyone in my network I can introduce you to or see if I have a contact at a company you're applying at. Happy to make an intro.
• Think of me for any roles you come across in <vertical/discipline>. I generally look for Y <specialty/niche>.
• What kinds of roles should I look out for for you?
• What kinds of work should I think of you for in the future?

Finally, don't forget to thank folks you speak to. Their time and wisdom—and your own; you have things to offer too—is valuable and should be appreciated.

10. Join communities

Part of staffing GDC as a Conference Associate means I'm part of a phenomenal networking organization. All former CAs are networked together and we make intros to each other, provide mentorship, and do referrals. (Conference Associates are paid but we didn't use to be. We started as a volunteer organization.)

Volunteering at industry events is a great way to meet new folks who share your passion. Volunteering also allows you to attend the event for free. You may find that you meet a lot of students, new grads, and folks also looking for work this way but all those connections are still important. Besides being interesting humans who can connect with, you never know what position they'll be in the future.

Virtual events and online communities are also powerful. You can often find a community space where you're welcome and there are many professional organizations for marginalized groups. For example, I'm delighted to have joined the Women In Product community this year and attend their virtual conference. Besides meeting a lot of very impressive women, I've been able to contribute to their online forums offering advice and learning a lot.

11: If you have a good interview but don't get the job, you can still try a connection request.

"Even though I didn't get the position, I enjoyed meeting you and would love to stay connected. Hopefully our paths will cross again."

Recruiters are fairly likely to accept. They keep big networks and are often active on LinkedIn due to their roles. Whether hiring managers or other interviewers do seems related to their general level of LinkedIn activeness.

It should go without saying that you shouldn't do this if you didn't interview well. Do do it if you made a personal connection with them. A good sign you're making a personal connection is if you're chatting about topics unrelated to the role you're interviewing for. You might also want to give it a shot if you have worked with people in common in the past or tend to run in the same circles already.

Conclusion

This is a lot! But you don't have to do it all at once. Just start with the first 4 tips here and you'll already be doing good especially if you're a new grad. All of these networking things (heck most social interactions) are hard when you're new at it. Try a little bit at a time. And if you have tips of your own, please comment below. There's always more to learn!

Heather Arbiter is a Product Manager and Games/Gamification Designer. She is also an accomplished neurodivergent professional who spent the past 2 years working her network more than ever as she sought new work. Using her understanding of game systems, behavior, and motivation, she has examined some of the barriers that kept her from doing her best as a young networker.

#FeatureFriday is a biweekly newsletter about the intersection of product, gamification, and behavior written with a personal touch. This is the 21st edition of the series.