Friendships and Networking After 30

(You May be Surprised)

I have been lucky. Through my business, PlannedGiving.Com, I have made so many friends that it has been one of the most rewarding experiences in my life. (If you find it tough to make friends, you can buy or adopt one, you know. I bought Chloe.)

But seriously, according to a recently reprinted 2012 New York Times article, once we hit the age of 30, our network of friends begins to shrink. Why? Because we tend to have fewer close connections with people, and can easily become more isolated from devoted friendships. “In your 30s and 40s, plenty of new people enter your life, through work, children’s play dates and, of course, Facebook,” the article states. “But actual close friends — the kind you make in college, the kind you call in a crisis — those are in shorter supply.”

Remember those high school and college days, when opportunities for making deep, lasting friendships were greater? Back then, those relationships were fostered by being in constant proximity to a group of people and having many opportunities to share our confidences with them.

Now, however, there are more demands on our time and fewer opportunities to socialize. We may live at a great distance from the friends we had when we were younger — but even if they’re not that far away, we just don’t drop by anymore.

And while we have some immediacy in our relationships with our coworkers, deeper connections often get missed. Besides, the workplace can be a breeding ground for competition — which means we might not feel safe getting chummy.

If we get married, our lives become more focused on functioning as a couple than hanging out with our pals. One spouse might not necessarily like the other’s friends. (What, you’ve never had that happen?) Then, when the kids start coming along, adults get thrown into the children’s social circuits — parties, school, sports, extracurricular activities — and there’s less time for your own friends.

While people do make additional connections through their children, and friendships often grow, they can also be wobbly because kids seem to change friends, schools, and the things they’re interested in at light speed. And if you’ve ever been to a kids’ soccer game, you know parents can get pretty competitive — not exactly fertile ground for making friends.

There are ways of maintaining friendships past 30, however, and they can have positive effects on our work life too.

The Volunteer Effect

First, there’s volunteering. When you volunteer you expand your social network, which leads to both greater personal fulfillment and new opportunities to learn and interact with people who share a passion with you. It’s a surefire way to meet like-minded people and forge new friendships. But that’s not the only benefit:

• You’ll give your career a boost: Volunteering will help you become a more well-rounded person, and potential employers look for that. According to Fast Company, 82% of companies surveyed were more likely to hire someone who volunteered.
• You might end up connecting with a mentor — and many CEOs have had mentors who helped them along the way.
• You can expand your safety net through new industry connections. Many a fundraiser who has been let go from a job has had their butt saved because they had an inside scoop on a new job. Fundraising professionals have the option of volunteering for organizations like AFP, CASE, AHP and NCPG (oops ... I meant The National Association of Charitable Gift Planners). There are plenty of opportunities to serve on their boards and committees, and to participate in their education days.

Find (or Rekindle) Religion

There’s another way to make friends and enrich your life after 30, something those other reports missed. People who actively practice their religious beliefs, who go regularly to church, synagogue, temple, mosque, etc. are generally better connected to others than secular folks. A Pew Research Study concluded that people who don’t practice a religion are involved, on average, with two groups, while religious Americans are involved in a little over five groups. They were also happier in their communities and believed they could make a positive impact on them.

The Class Act

There’s also a way to re-create, to some extent, those high school and college days: by taking a class. Whether you’re into yoga or CrossFit, basket weaving or advancing your career through a fundraising-related course, classes offer a great way to make new friends as you bond over assignments, challenges, achievements, or just a cup of coffee after the work’s done. Plus, you’ll be smarter at the end of it all. My wife and I will soon be taking classes at a local college (on business, what else?) and I am in fitness classes all the time.

While it may be harder to make friends after 30, it’s far from impossible. You just need to be willing to expand your horizons a bit.

Speaking of friendship ... connect with me on LinkedIn!