Friendship has it’s seasons

Friends were important once upon a time …. (still not cryptic but sarcastic)

I would look forward to meeting them come what may…

As early as class 1st I remember thinking the whole world is an oyster and I would just be mesmerized…like the rats following the bag piper (here the most popular and good looking ones) held my attention!

The moment I stepped into a new city with new outlook I realized it was more about being the chosen one… hard I tried..... no perhaps I don’t remember whether I tried or not in the first place. Instead looking back I realized all I wanted was to excuse myself from studying….but this reasoning did not sustain.

Get in the line to be selected as the one …(by the friends community)

I was called to a party (sometimes out of pity) and I was also not called to a party leaving me as an outlier… how good I felt or bad I felt still can’t give words to those emotions…

I made it to school in the 6th - 8th class category quick to realize … I am easy to fall for and confuse love and friendship or just the need to talk to….(quite delusional)

As I jumped to 10-12th I had crushes thinking it is friendship your ship has finally found its feet…

Alas! I was proved otherwise… it was just new experiences that I could not wrap my head around…

Here comes college another mad house of experience where I have no understanding at all.. I go through the 4.5 years totally confused with friendships turning into relations… was it worth … let’s c… we don’t talk anymore ??

College had multiple layers of me giving out to others I got really different responses… my understanding of like had completely been shaken..

I started with office it was more of a motivational role for a one person whose energies vibes with me.. and the saga continues ..

Over the years, friendships have transformed from simple camaraderie to people-pleasing, leading to hurt and being taken for granted, culminating in toxic relationships and drifting from one supposed love to another.

The confusion slayed hard in my life … irrespective of what I have become …

Now the confusion has gone to a point where I enjoy my own company more than any one… seems the experiences got the better of me because people now complain..

“Hey you always smiling”…

I love to be on my own order my own food and go and watch a great movie and feel ok friend… that feels good…

Was it worth having friends when all my life my happiness depends on the outside parameters… I think I missed the whole point … the friendships was a means of the society to cripple you at the first place while you needed none… !

Something to ponder … do we all go through this or some still have someone to be clingy on to !!

I still want to be sarcastic and not cryptic!!

#Shambho #adult #writer #pride #gayya #travel #mindset #growth #travel #leaders #leadership #relationships #stress