The Friendly Three

I ask that you consider Friendliness, the virtue; the strength of character. The Virtues Reflection Card says some interesting things about this quality called Friendliness.

Facebook has played a large part in dimishing the meaning of "friend" in my observation. Friends are often mere acquaintances, even complete strangers. There is nothing "wrong" in that but the card reflects on our capacity to reach out in caring, and be a companion. The card reflects on it being about giving and getting; reciprocity. We are not speaking of keeping ledgers or accounts but there is a healthy and sustaining balance.

The card reflects on how we invest in the relationships of friendship that soothe and make us laugh and enjoy, and share. It also references that ability to be open to the stranger. Friendliness is that strength that is both open to the new and committed to the friends we truly have. This all speaks to a truth that, at 59, I am ever more deeply learning. That truth is three fold.

On Being a Friendlier Person

It is important as leaders, educators and entrepreneurs to practice this virtue. Dale Carnegie's epic, classic and time tested booking on How to Win Friends and Influence People has seven simple principles (not gimmicks nor tricks) to being a friendlier person; because it is important. We are not talking about being smooth and smarmy. His points were about being genuine. That wisdom is ancient and imperishable; timeless. It crosses age, gender, race, sexuality and all forms of diversity. Of this, I am remaining clear. His work is not about being disingenuous. It is about practicing Friendliness as a strength of character. I was told years ago that "people like doing busines with people they like doing business with". The Chinese might somewhat reference to it in Guanxi. My father did business with people he liked and trusted; friends. Even into his retirement years, he practiced making friends at coffee shops and oh the stories of such I have heard since his passing, now 15 years.

Know Your Friends as Your Camelot

People do not need to tell you they are your friend. You will see it. You will experience it. You will know it. It will be in deeds, not words. It will be over a slowly but powerfully built track record of "being there". It will be seen in that healthy and natural reciprocity of energy and caring. It will be not unlike two wings flapping, each taking the weight and building the flight. You will see it in the investment you make and they make. I call them our Camelot, that small band of trusted souls who have our backs and hearts as much as we have theirs. They will not be multitude and we need not many. But, they are with us, personally and/or professionally. We ride with them and they with us. And, we know it. What I continue to learn is the importance of knowing who they are, trusting in that and understanding that it is OK if not everyone resides in that small inner circle. Popularity and likes do not define friendship. Sharing in the journey does.

Your Closest Friend

Thirdly, look within. Consider the practices of Friendliness on the reflection card. They apply to how we interact in the world. They also apply to our own friendship with our very selves.

What would feeling welcome in our own skin look like? What would feeling worthy of living with ourself look like? What would compassionate curiosity to dive deeper and cooler into ourselves look like? How about a geuine interest in ourselves as souls? What would feeling the laughter and tears as a friend within look like? What would investing that time in friendship with who we are look like?

For me, it would look like following my bliss, embracing it and kissing it. It would look like conversations with students and people I care about and believe in... and being that 900 pound gorilla there for them.

It would mean being ever more truthful about what is "icky" and what is not and doing less of the former. Look, there are enough "necessary evils" in life... we need not fill the rest of life with guilt and obligation ridden commitment that we think we "should" support.

It would look like asking myself whimisical and curious questions about "What was that about?" I would be more curious about the why for me, not judging my why but loving exploring it, getting to know me better. It would look like being genuinely interested in my own growth. It would look like taking more and bigger swings at the damn bat. It would look like I am perfectly happy with my emotions felt and experienced. It would look like I would take the time to fully be with me; oh, and with my Camelot, yup, indeed.

Truth is, in many ways, I am there. I have not gotten this far in life without realizing these truths ever increasingly. I am a blessed guy. I love what I do. I get to have impact in the ways my soul desires. I have a good life; a great little home, my cool electric blue Honda Civic, my deck in the summer under the moonlight, my #bestlittledogintheworld Panda (actually she comes first), and my Camelot. But, truth is, I am still learning.

I am Still Learning

I am still learning to invest my time and energy and love and service where it is most needed, appreciated and/or reciprocated. I need no fanfare nor even thanks. I increasingly am aware that I need to be honoring my spirit in how I bring myself to the world and who I choose to serve and help and work with. That is not a judgement on anyone. That is a judgement call for me to live a better life.

Last night, I wrote this on Facebook:

• As I collapse on the bed... getting through a second very busy day while living with these lungs right now... a totally unrelated but somehow related thought occurs to me on judgement ... of all things. There are two ways to think of judgement. The first is about making good and sound decisions for our own lives. The second is about looking at other people's lives, thinking we somehow know them or know better, and judging them on their actions. The former is wisdom. The latter is ignorance by it's true definition. Live the former. Let go the latter. As I crash here, I realize no one knows my life and I know no one else's. My responsibility is to live as best I can ... and not judging others. My responsibility is executed by practicing sound judgement in my own decisions. No idea why that popped into my head and heart but I am glad it did. G'night beautiful blue marble in the cosmos. My lungs need rest. Welcoming healing prayers too.

But, today I know why it entered my thoughts. To practice sound judgement is to be a friend to ourselves. Judging others does us no service. Making good judgement calls for what we bring to life and to whom we bring it... serves us soulfully. I do not need to articulate that. I know in my heart where my energies, talents, love and more are called. I know how, so many times, I have watered down that call to try to serve so many more. It is not my job. My job is to bring it to my life in a way that I can best serve. Diluting my service does nothing but exhaust and disappoint; and that is on me.

But my friend within even now says, "We know what calls us. Embrace it dude. Follow the blood and the bliss. Pick up the sword, bow, arrow, spear and shield and let's go." He says, "No more icky, man". He says, "No shoulds, all commits, wholehearted, c'mon." He says, "Let's have some fun doing it!"

He says, "Let's get curious and grow from that, no prisoners, all freedom fighters." He says, "Let's feel it all, damn the freakin' torpedoes and do it for the most noble reasons." I know he is saying this, because I can hear, and my best bud, soul sister is visiting this summer for two months and who knows the heaven we will get into.

Bring it!

THREE THOUGHTS

Look, three thoughts. Be a friendlier person with those you meet. Then, understand that a small band of people will be your Camelot. Cherish that. Then, be your own damn best friend. As leaders, educators, entrepreneurs and livers of life at school, work, business and community, we can expect nor give any less. Be your ultimate brand. Just, be yourself. I dare you.

Be your own best friend, stand up and say...

Peace, passion and prosperity...

Barry Lewis Green, aka The Unity Guy

• Leaducator March 2019
• broadCAST March 2019
• Developing Character Leadership
• The Character of Leadership