The Friend I Never Had
The Friend I Never Had
Most of the people who fail to move up into leadership don’t make it because they never understand the importance of relationships.
- John C. Maxwell
There is nothing as terrible as living on earth without knowing who you really are. It’s more terrible than being a soldier, at the battlefront, in the world war. Millions of people around the world live their lives and die without knowing the real reason why they were born. Do you know the real you? Do you know why you are here? Have you discovered your passion, your talents and your calling in life? Yes; No; Maybe?
There comes a stage in life where all teenagers try to find themselves, they try to define who they are, why they are here on this planet, for times such as this. There was a young man and his name was Vivo; he was also a teenager, searching for his identity. He was looking for his place in the puzzle of life, where he could fit in.
The year was 1996, the sun was scotching hot and only few people were walking the dusty streets of the village of Samsokol. At his home and in the houses next to Vivo’s, people were sitting under the shades. All of a sudden, a lady knocked at the door with a steel cup in her hand; with a shawl around her shoulders and she was dressed in traditional Sepedi outfit. Vivo’s grandmother welcomed her and she motioned a wooden bench for her to sit on. She sat down, wiped her forehead, for she was sweating. Immediately it was known that she was bringing good news because, in our culture, whoever goes from house to house carrying a steel cup, dressed like she was, was obviously a messenger for an upcoming jovial event. She greeted in Sepedi language, “re lotshitse”. Like in a choir, the family greeted her back; his grandmother, his grandfather, Vivo and his two other cousins, they all responded at the same time “rea lotsha”. The messenger complained about the heat and how she wished it could rain so that the weather could be cooler. While she was talking, Vivo was awaiting one thing – what news is she bringing us? And he thought to himself, “fegolla se borala mampsa re lapa melala” – this is a Sepedi idiom which means don’t keep us waiting, tell the news. Finally, she broke the news. She invited the family to a wedding of Vivo’s sister-in-law’s cousin. When she mentioned the wedding date, it felt like forever. Vivo wished they said the date was the following week but it was about three months before the wedding day. The grandmother thanked her and the messenger said her goodbyes, “le shaleng”; again in a choral format they responded, “tsela-tshoeu” – go well. Vivo went inside the house, straight to the calendar on the wall and circled the date for the wedding day as given by the messenger.
Three months later, the wedding day arrived. Vivo took a bath, dressed in his best clothes. I’m not sure if he was dressed to kill or dressed to be killed. All I know is that he looked smart; well dressed, with a curled hair and was smelling good with his cousin’s stolen ladies perfume. When he got to the wedding, his sister-in-law was serving refreshments to the guests. He received a big plate, with food looking like Mount Everest. Thereafter Vivo was served liquor. For the first time in his life did he receive liquor in such quantity. He was a teenager for God’s sake. How could someone, an adult who lives with a boy in the same house, knowing that he is sixteen years old, serve liquor to that child? The adult is actually supposed to supervise the child and make sure that he or she isn’t served liquor. That day Vivo learned what it meant to ‘drink liquor until you drop’. From that day, the young boy looked for opportunities for free booze.
But in August 28, 1997, it was Thursday night when Vivo’s friend, whose name is Malose, dragged him to church. At church, a preacher known as Pastor Manyane shared a powerful message from the Holy Bible in the book of Psalms and it reads as follows:
Except the Lord build the house,
they labour in vain that build it:
except the Lord keep the city,
the watchmen waketh but in vain.
It is vain for you to rise up early,
to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows:
for so he giveth his beloved sleep.
Psalm 127:1 and 2 (King James Version)
How did Vivo agree to go to church in the first place since he was not a church boy?
This is how it happened:
A few years prior to 1997, Vivo was no longer staying with his grandparents but with his unemployed mother who returned from Johannesburg because her boss had moved to Margate in Kwazulu Natal. In his new home Vivo met new friends, among them was a young man by the name Malose who came from a Christian background. At the beginning of their friendship, whenever Malose came by to visit Vivo, Vivo got a bit angry for he didn’t really like him. He preferred other friends who were funny, unbelievers and who always spoke ‘dirty’. There were two things that really ignited a deep friendship between Malose and Vivo. Firstly, Vivo’s mother was vocal about her choice of a friend for her son. She pointed out certain friends of Vivo’s and gave an instruction for those friendships to be ended. She was fond of Malose and highly recommended him as a good kid who would make a great friend to her son. Secondly, whenever Malose visits, and he finds Vivo working he would help him. If he was washing dishes, Malose would voluntarily rinse and dry them for him. If he was doing gardening or removing bushes, Malose would ask for another spade and assist. Vivo’s mother was a perfectionist who would allocate work each day to her son. She taught her son everything from baking, cooking, washing and ironing clothes, cleaning and so forth. And that is why Malose would find him working every time he decided to visit him. The friendship between Vivo and Malose grew stronger and stronger every day. At the beginning of the friendship Vivo never visited Malose but as the friendship continued, Vivo was the one who would visit Malose, almost daily.
Since 1996, Vivo used to accompany Malose to church and he would return half-way there. Daily, Malose would persuade him to attend church with him and he would refuse. But one day he agreed, he attended the service and he heard that message from Psalms 127:1 and 2 which changed his life. Had it not been for Malose’s friendship and tireless invitations to church, Vivo might have been a failure in life, he might have been arrested or dead. Malose was and still is a “friend I never had” – as Vivo puts it, one of a kind, and he will be forever grateful to him.
That night, on his way home from church, Vivo, who is usually talkative, kept quiet all the way. He never said a word to the group of young men he was walking back home with. They were talking loudly, making jokes about the deliverance service, on how people were reacting when evil spirits were casted out of them, they were also talking about nice girls back at church. Then realising that one voice is missing, the other boy asked Vivo, “You are so quiet today, why?” Then everybody kept silent so that they may hear his response and he said to them, “Tomorrow, I am going to be born again”. At that point, Vivo’s life was a mess. He had just started drinking liquor, he was beginning to be sexually active, his mother had died the year before and he was beginning to live a life of hooliganism. It was just a matter of time before Vivo killed someone or got himself killed. He had just started to carry with him, pangas, bicycle chains, screwdrivers, knives and so forth; he needed something to protect himself, something that could give him the ability to be offensive if he wanted to.
During those years, there were a number of groups in the villages where Vivo grew up that were terrorising people on the streets at night. Vivo hated those groups for he had been a victim before and his mind told him that if he was armed, he will be able to defend himself and possibly make himself more powerful. His aim was actually to become the most feared young man. To become the most feared person, for him it meant that he had to terrorise people and that’s exactly where he was heading. On the other hand, he had no hope for the future. Vivo’s father, who apparently was a married man when he dated his mother, deserted him before he was born. When he discovered that his girlfriend was pregnant with Vivo, he decided to disappear from the face of the earth. Perhaps he wanted to save his marriage back home.
The following night was August 29, a Friday, and he went back to church. That night another preacher, known as Pastor Phakgadi was preaching. That night was a game-changer. Vivo was converted and he met God. His life became different from that moment; his life took another turn and that’s where it all began. Coincidentally, that day was Vivo’s birthday; he was born on August 29, 1980, also a Friday. On the same day of his natural birthday, he met God. He never planned the coincidence, it just happened. Another coincidence: there was a group of women at the time of Vivo’s conversion from different churches and they were united in prayer, meeting daily to pray for crusade that Malose and Vivo were attending, among them was a beautiful old lady who loved God with all her heart. She was Malose’s mother. This means that Malose’s mother birthed Vivo in prayer before he could physically accept Jesus Christ as his Lord and Saviour.
Years went by and today Vivo is a totally different man. His friendship with Malose impacted him positively. He is now a married father, got his tertiary education, worked for government and is now an entrepreneur, author and a motivational speaker.
WHAT CAN BE LEARNED FROM THE STORY?
In your life right now, there maybe someone who is playing little angel in your life and often that someone is ignored. It maybe that the person is of a ‘lower standard’ and your accolades may make you a bit of prideful. Check yourself, evaluate your relationships and you will discover the angel that I am talking about. It is someone who wish to see you do well in life; it may be your mother, a friend, a colleague, your neighbour, your kid, your sibling or anybody. Give that person a chance, heed the advice and see how your life turns out to be.
The people we interact with daily, have an influence on our lives. It is therefore important to check who you are spending time with. We should never spend time with negative people, no matter how funny they are, unless if we have an agenda to influence them. And when you are with that negative person, make sure that you are the one dominating the topic.
As adults, we have a responsibility to protect teenagers from harming themselves. I have seen people with money filling the table with lots of liquor, buying for teenagers. We need to be dreamers, live our dreams and inspire young lives. You shouldn’t be a party to moral degeneration. I had a teacher in high school who used to say: “we found these world wasted, we will continue to waste it.” And he used to laugh about it but only God knows what negative impact it had on his students. Always speak positively to yourself and to the people around you and you will see the positive impact in your life and that of others.
Spirituality is a principal thing, high above all other spheres of life. If you are a mess spiritually, nothing in your life will be stable. All other areas of your life such as social, financial and physical life are dependent on the stability of your spirituality. You can date many beautiful women, have lots of money, have a ‘neck breaking’ body but you will remain unfulfilled if you have spiritual leprosy.
Perhaps you are that someone who is doing the inspiring to others. If you are, my friend, keep doing the good work. Keep motivating others. Keep dreaming. Keep inspiring your world.
Are you inspiring others? Start now if you are not? Start with your friends.