FRIEND OR FOE?
What does a genuine friend make?
When it comes to friendships it’s been said that some people are meant to be in your life forever and others for a “reason or a season.” Some for an opportunity, and others for life lessons. I think the same applies for cousins and family, as well. Cousins and friends can grow apart sometimes because of different reasons. But when they don’t show up for you when it counts, it hurts, especially when you show up every time for them. I missed my high school graduation for my cousin’s wedding. When I think back I could have still made it to both. I would’ve just been a little late and there wouldn’t be anything wrong with that. Lesson learned.?
So, when does a friend become a foe? This happens when a friend, or someone you thought was your friend, becomes an enemy. Someone you think has your back but you learn to find out they really don’t. Most of these types of people are narcissistic, or are opportunists, or relish in knowing every detail of your life without ever sharing anything deep about theirs, or they are just plain shallow or fake. They really don’t care about you and never did. If you have a feeling about someone like this in your life, trust your gut and distance yourself.?
Another example of when a friend becomes a foe is when the green monster rears its ugly head. When I got engaged to my husband, one of my closest friends became so jealous that it ended our lifelong friendship and I had to dis-invite her to my wedding.?
On the other hand, cousins and friends that I love more than life itself, ones I grew up with, I shared clothes, beds, stories for life, tears, fears and dreams with… they actually voluntarily did not show up to my wedding. I know it didn’t have to do with me, but it still hurts, and they still should have shown up. I love them the same and I miss spending time with them. But, such is life.?
At the same time, I want to acknowledge all those that did show up for me. Some left sick children to be in my wedding. Others traveled miles and miles. And I know there were those who with their whole mind, body and spirit would’ve been there if they could. To all of you that are always showing up for me, when you can, THANK YOU. It means the world to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.?
Since moving to New York and trying to build some new friendships here, I’ve given parties, gifts, major shout outs on social media for some of my NY friends who never seem to reciprocate. I felt like I was always the only one reaching out. If I was out somewhere and saw something that reminded me of that person, I would get it and leave it on their porch.?
So, eventually, I decided to stop. I decided I need to devote my heart and my time to those that appreciate it and that want my friendship, because it was clear that they didn’t. As the old saying goes, “Birds of a feather flock together.” Maybe I’m not “famous” or “elite” enough for some of them, I’m not “New York” enough, whatever that means.
My priorities are to treat people with love and kindness, not to count the number of Cartier bracelets on someone’s wrist.? Or perhaps, I don’t know, maybe I just need to tone down my “midwestern hospitality and charm” here in NY! I need to “toughen up” and lose my naivete.?
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It’s a learning curve for me, figuring out who “my tribe” is here in New York. I’ve definitely realized it’s not the ones who live materialistic lifestyles. It’s also not the ones that lack deep and meaningful conversations. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I like being around others who do, too.?
I enjoy a friend I can share some fine wine with, lots of laughs, sometimes tears and good antipasti with, someone I can trust with my secrets or spontaneously be able to book a weekend getaway to Miami, (like my friends back home, in Michigan). Side note: I’m very lucky to have such a supportive husband and amazing mom, so that I can book spontaneous trips away with my friends. I'm well aware of this and extremely grateful for them.?
So, what then does a genuine friend make??
GENUINE is the OPPOSITE OF FAKE. It's authentic, original and real. Living in New York so far, I’ve realized in my quest to find new friends, I can’t deal with being fake. Like, I literally cannot! You can see it all over my face and hear it in my voice. I will tell you how I feel all of the time whether you like it or not. Some people can appreciate that type of bluntness while others prefer to live behind their veils. One person’s “boldness” is another person’s “rudeness”. I understand that.?
In the end, my absolute BEST FRIENDS in my life are my husband, my daughter, my brother (who I constantly bicker with but love immensely) and of course my mother. She is the Thelma to my Louise. She is my constant companion, the truest friend I could ever have.?
And those are the friendships that truly matter. <3