Into Frieda's world: lessons learned from volunteering

Well, if you just came across this article, you are likely thinking - what can I learn from volunteering? For those who like to know upfront what they will learn, I hope you take away a few points:

1. Embracing the unknown - go outside your comfort zone.
2. Empathize and self-correct when and if necessary.?
3. Be the observer - learn beyond the words.

Now let the story begin…

I grew up in a philanthropic family, whether it's giving time or money, it was always very important to give back to the community; it was never the amount of time or money, it was that you simply did your part to make the community better.

Recently, I had the opportunity to volunteer in-person (post pandemic times) with Little Brothers of the Elderly, a nonprofit who caters to elderly members living alone. I signed up to visit two members on Thanksgiving Day with a meal and selected them based on a brief bio the non profit shared.

One of the members I signed up to visit is blind, and now 91 years young. I chose her, as there were so many people on the list, I was worried not everyone may be visited, and sometimes different circumstances may dismay people to volunteer for one member over another. I inquired before visiting on how to best prepare, not having interacted with someone who is blind in the past. The non profit staff said to treat the member like everyone else - a member seeking a visitor for Thanksgiving Day. This was true, and during my time on the visit, I learned there were a few more layers to meaningfully connect.? Lets refer to this member as “Frieda,” a name that embodies peace, and it became quite fitting as I got to know her.

Picture this…

…Frieda lives alone.

…She’s originally from Russia, but lived in the United States for many years.

…She is recently blind.

…She is 91 years young.

…She has friends and family no longer around, given she has outlived them.

…She knows a volunteer is visiting with a meal but doesn’t know what to “expect” after signing up with the non profit

As is customary when visiting someone’s home, I brought a gift along with the amazing Thanksgiving goodies the non profit had prepared. As I was a guest in Frieda’s home, I let her lead, telling her about my motions, such as putting a coat on her couch, or taking a seat in the chair she directed me to, the large black leather chair next to the smaller chair. The smaller chair was for her. As I walked to the designated chair, I noticed that she had Hanukkah candles on her mantle, and said “Shalom”. She seemed confused, and I mentioned that I saw the Hanukkah candles. I learned that as she grew up in Russia, she may not be familiar with Hebrew terms like “Shalom”, which has three meanings, but in this instance, “hello”. Right away, we had a connection.?

I inquired if she was hungry, as I had a warm meal in hand, and she indicated she preferred to talk first. I gave her a gift, a unique teacup candle I had made, recognizing that the intent was not to have it lit, but a keepsake for her. I observed how she touched the gift meticulously, as her fingers were her eyes, and described it to her.? She then shared with me a gift she received during her travels that someone had given to her and how it meant so much, because it was handmade, and when she needed to feel at peace, she would touch it. It was a beautiful sculpted wooden horse.?

Frieda was now ready for the meal. I went to the kitchen table to start to unpack the bag of goodies. I described what I was doing. I found it interesting that there was a note of upcoming events that I read to her, and asked her if she wanted to participate; in reality, it wasn’t something I could leave behind for Frieda to follow up on, as she can’t use the phone to call out, let alone read a piece of paper like this.? Another nugget of learning to take action on in the future. Perhaps the most impactful one personally was during dinner. I warmed the meal, and plated it. It's typical that at the dinner table, discussion happens; I continued the conversation from the living room with Frieda. She asked me to not speak as she was eating. I didn’t quite understand, until she said it again. She then explained that as she is blind, her enjoyment when she eats is not visual, it's from touching, smelling and tasting the food. If one speaks, it's a distraction that interrupts her concentration and enjoyment. This was the common phrase many are accustomed to “we listen to reply” versus “listen to understand”; in this reality it was much more heartfelt. I was beyond impressed with Frieda, her patience at 91 to teach and connect at the same time.

As the non profit is so well organized, as a volunteer, I completed their routine feedback form on the time I spent with the member, what we did, and if there was anything to alert them to for following up in case the member needed help.?

I enjoyed my time with Frieda. It was nothing that I had expected, as in all honesty, I was initially nervous to go into someone’s home, not knowing in entirety the health situation. Even if the information was expressed to me, it is different when it becomes a reality.?

It was truly a gift to meet Frieda.