Friday's newsletter: Yesterday was a very low day for me!

Happy Friday my people!

For today’s newsletter…I want to talk about journeys.

More specifically, my own journey. It sounds profoundly self-centered, but I am sure all our journeys have similarities, without ever being identical.

A few years ago, I decided to follow my passion. I decided to become a full-time writer. It has been the most amazing, wonderful, and fulfilling path ever. It has also been the most frustrating, dangerous, demanding, lonely, mentally exhausting, and financially catastrophic path ever.

Now, that’s a peculiar, strange, and amazing duality I have lived and carried very single day. Writing is an extraordinary skill to have. It is a skill because it must be acquired. No one is born a writer; one becomes a writer. I cannot stress this enough; there is nothing like writing. There is nothing like putting your thoughts, emotions, knowledge, questions, frustrations, and joy on paper or in my case, on my phone and/or laptop. There is nothing like getting positive feedback on a text or a post. There is nothing like hearing people appreciating what I do. It has been a blessing.

Nevertheless, it has also been a curse. Writing isn’t dying and it will never die. But making a living off writing is more difficult than ever. And that brings its own set of issues, especially on the financial side. They say money cannot buy happiness, but a substantial lack of money brings a ton of unhappiness that affect your bank account, your daily life and finally, your mind.

Yesterday, I had a rough day. I sat down and thought about this life altering choice I recently made. I felt angry, frustrated, lost, scared, powerless and weak. I questioned my very own reality. I was wondering how long I can keep writing and not make the kind of money that would allow me to live comfortably. That day has yet to come. It doesn’t mean it will not come. But it’s taking a lot of time, and it’s crippling my ability to see things clearly and to enjoy what I do best.

Ain’t that something? I am doing what I love, but it’s hurting me. That’s the duality I was talking about. Thankfully, I am not na?ve nor am I delusional. I am an optimist, down to my last DNA strand. Yet, when realism hits, optimism has a tendency to sit by the window, ready to jump out and never come back. Yesterday, I thought about letting everything go and return to the finance world because my personal and financial situation are smothering me, bit by bit.

I went for a walk and thought it over. In the midst of that walk on an early and beautiful fall day in my city of Montreal, my heart and brain didn’t let me down; they told me to keep going. My heart, brain, spirit, and body instructed me to stick with this passion of mine. I had doubts, and I have had them since the day I started, but I found a way to rekindle the flame that keeps my passion and love for writing pure. I do not know what tomorrow holds. I know one thing; I cannot and will not stop writing. I know I must keep writing because it gives me a sense of purpose. Writing is an anchor that stops my mind and heart from going adrift. Writing is a compass. I would go as far as saying that writing is my northern star. Nothing gives me joy and guidance like writing.

So, I will stick with it. I will keep writing. I will keep learning how to become a better writer, a better artist. I will keep honing my craft.

I simply wanted to let you know it is ok to have doubts. It is ok to feel down. We’re all human, and going strong all the time is impossible. We have peaks and valleys. Yesterday, I was deep in the valley and there were many shadows around, a darkness that almost swallowed me whole. I found the strength to prevail, and I couldn’t tell where it came from. I simply did. I guess when you love something as passionately, dearly, strongly, and purely as I love writing, your mind and heart will find a way to come back to the light. You find a way to recalibrate everything.

I am fully aware of my unique ability to tell stories. That is a gift I have, but it wouldn’t mean anything if I didn’t take care of it, if I didn’t improve it daily. I have an innate ability to connect with people and my storytelling abilities must be displayed and shared with the public for depriving myself and others of what I do best would be a crime. I would be dishonoring myself and cheating humanity if I didn’t share my distinctive way of telling stories.

I am here and I am still standing. I do feel reinvigorated by my doubts, as crazy as this might sound. All this to say that doubts aren’t bad, nor are they lethal unless you allow them to be. I almost allowed doubts to rob me of my confidence because of my current situation. It makes sense. Struggles breed uncertainty, fear, and resentment. Yet, struggles breed resilience, courage, and they strengthen determination and willpower. How about that? Another duality! Life seems to be filled with dualities…

Find a way to keep believing. Find a way to stay the course. Everyone has their own process. I am not sure that I could find the adequate words to describe my own process. Half the time, I don’t even know how I have stayed sane and optimistic amid all this craziness surrounding this “writer’s life”. I am glad I am here. Yesterday was a low day. Today is a new day. And I am still writing my own story.

On that beautiful note, have a good weekend, my people!

Now smile and go on with your day!

Freeman. B