#FridayFails - Know Your Audience

Some of the best #FridayFails come from messages that, in an of themselves may not be terrible, but in the context of who they send them to you just have to laugh. Here you go:

• Sent to Dave Brock. Dave, did not know you were getting into the hospitality business.

Hope you are doing well. Here at [company] we continue to be humbled by the many awards we’re winning for our work on the future of customer experience. A [company]-developed smart wearable device recently won these prestigious recognitions:… While this quarter-size device delivers unprecedented convenience and delightful experiences to enhance guests’ vacations, it also helps our client grow new revenue-per-customer by making it easy and seamless for guests to pay for advanced services.

• Sent to Todd Berkowitz, Gartner analyst who advises company's not to outsource the SDR Function ---a proposal to outsource his (he also doesn't run sales) SDR function

I talked about the costs associated with Sales Development Representatives directly and the constant revolving door that never seems to stop, but what about the hidden costs? You know, all those extra things like management, tooling, data, and reporting to name a few. These are all requirements for your SDR team to be effective in helping you get where you want to go.

• Sent to Dave Brock (poor Dave), noted leader of businesses that print things.

We know that news about industrial, functional and specialist printing is useful for your business and research. Since 1990, [company] is all about printing but from time to time, we would like to keep you up-to-date via online newsletters and mailings. We will not spam you and will only send relevant updates, conference, training and print show announcements. <<Uh, you just did>>

• More for Dave to serve his fashion business needs

[company] has partnered with several world-famous designers and lifestyle brands, including kate spade new york, Oscar de la Renta, Jonathan Adler, and Rifle Paper Co., and has delivered over 85 million cards to date. Since you have such an engaging and beautifully-designed blog <<Okay Dave, don't hate me for this, but while your blog is incredibly engaging, I'm not sure when I visit it I'm thinking fashion>>, we’d like to offer you a number of [company] digital Coins for free to try out our online service and write about your experience.

• Sent to Melissa Hilbert, Gartner analyst who covers this firm in her research (but is not even close to being a prospect

My name is Vito and I wanted to introduce myself as [company's] account manager focused on accounts with high growth potential. << Was hoping you could point me in the right direction. Will you be shopping for SPM and commission management tools in 2019? <<If you focus on high growth potential, it would probably be good to know of the firm is looking (or should be) for these solution>> Would you be interested in learning about [company], the only SPM provider with [quadrant location] status on the Gartner Magic Quadrant? <<Melissa's like, "I know--I wrote the research." >>

• Now Dave Brock is that noted leader of academic institutions

I'm Rolando with [company], a creative advertising agency headquartered in Austin, Texas.  We're looking to offer your students a Scholarship opportunity based on their creative merits. We've offered it for 2 years now.  It's a 500+ Word Essay, and the Scholarship is for a total of $1,000 towards the 2019 Fall Semester. 

• Sent to a Gartner Sales Rep (who was not attending the event and has no idea from the e-mail what this is even about)

·       My name is Arthur, I am the CEO of [company]. <<Always scary when CEOs are sending (or being attributed as sending) hope and prayer e-mails.>> Do you need help setting up a brokerage? If so, let's meet at the IFX Expo in Cyprus to discuss how we can work together to build your brand.

• Sent to a Adnan Zijadic - Gartner Analyst

When clients' challenges require a nuanced and specific understanding, we provide consultant calibre Subject Matter and Technical Expertise. Architects 

 More than anything, our focus on the management consulting industry gives us an uncommon understanding of how to identify and attract top consulting talent.  Being freed up from the constraints of your limited bench allows you to sell larger and more profitable engagements.  <<Not sure this is a challenge Gartner is facing, even if Adnan was involved in our consulting business..which he is not>>

• Sent to Dave Brock, noted Pet Lover and blogger about pet FOMO (or not)

It’s [name] from the Content Team of [company] . We write articles that mainly focus on relieving anxiety and FOMO a.k.a. Fear Of Missing Out for dogs and pet parents across the globe.

We’d like to pass along useful information on combating dog’s struggle on anxiety and stress, so we’re looking for sites who would be willing to collaborate with us. I was able to research your site: partnersinexcellenceblog.com and thought to share our content <<Dave, I missed your pet anxiety articles>>

• Sent to Todd Berkowitz- Todd gets the Dave treatment due to his focus on art and design

I work on behalf of [company] , and I recently noticed your blog while I was looking around for a few resources on designing and art! You have some great content there. I wanted to see if you would consider me contributing a quality post to your site and I’m confident I’ve got the writing chops to draw your readers in and add value to our audience.  

• Back to Dave, but this one is in the ballpark, but a miss

 I'm working with an enterprise sales technology company that I thought you should know about <<Dave knows about them well>>– they seem like a perfect fit for a profile in Customer Think <<Dave does not work for CustomerThink--his articles are sometimes syndicated there. The company is called [companyname]. They're in the sales performance management space, and are currently working with huge brands including Salesforce, INFOR, and Hyatt. 

Any interest in chatting with [company CEO] or one of their customers? <<If Dave wanted to, he would just call the CEO who he knows already.>>

<Side note on this one: This is an example of how agencies can damage your reputation>>

• A late entrant to this group was shared with me by my colleague Christy Ferguson. This one was sent to a friend of hers, named Katie, who is a product manager.

Subject: [CompanyName] Opportunity for Marketing Leaders

Hi Stephanie, <<Off to a Great Start>>

Hope all is well! Understanding that end of year can be one of the busiest times, I wanted to bring a possible resource to your attention. <<Well, if it is busy, I hope the resource is to help me deal with end of year>> Our [event name] logistics and tracl descriptions have been released. <<Hopes squashed.>>

Content Tracks will include: <<Track Listing...none of which have anything to do with product management>>

<<The e-mail closes with more mindless stuff about securing a hotel, reading materials, and more. Exactly the last thing that would be a priority during a "busy" time

• And we will close out with one more from Dave, noted in his LinkedIn profile as being from University of Chicago (or not)

Hi David, I’m so impressed by U Chicago Booth's 34 Nobel Awards to Harvard's & MIT's 30 each in economics, as shown here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Nobel_laureates_by_university_affiliation I’d like to connect with you, please.

<<Dave Had to Respond>>

Ted: I suppose that's interesting, but I'm an alumni of Berkeley and UCLA, so their Nobel prizes might be more interesting to me (Berkeley is third to Harvard and Cambridge, with Chicago as fourth). 

The moral of this story, other than Dave being very diverse, is that there is no moral. Incomplete preparation, the Momentum for More, and hope and pray tactics continue to be prevalent--giving folks more fodder for sustaining the negative image that many have of sales and marketing.

Bonus Material: I'm undecided on bringing back #FridayFails in 2020. I think any hope I had of doing this to perhaps drive some level of improvement is gone. Maybe I will, but only for the most humorous. So this last one is either the end of the beginning. And, of course, it's courtesy of Dave Brock. With the LinkedIn outreach to end all LinkedIn outreaches:

·       Hey David, I know we’ve been linked up for a while but I’m curious… what makes you get out of bed each morning?

<<Dave's Response>>

The need to pee.

There is no more to say. Happy Holidays.