Fresh Start??

When my son Andrew was about 5, on a rare rainy Saturday in Maui, he decided to use some crayons to turn our hall wall into a mural.

As you can imagine, I wasn’t a happy camper.

In the middle of letting Andrew know that, he looked up at me with tears in his eyes, circled his toe on the rug, and said tremulously, “FRESH START?”

And just like that, it was.

Those two words gave me instant perspective. I reconnected with what mattered, and it wasn’t yelling at my son over some crayon marks on a wall.

Those simple words "Fresh start?" became a tradition in our home.

Maybe they can in yours.

When we live and work with people, things go wrong.

And it's tempting to lose our temper and say things we wish we hadn't.

Unless we have a verbal tool to close the books on what went wrong and put it behind us, we end up carrying it around with us.

We end up dwelling on things that happened weeks, months, years ago.

We end up taking out our frustration on others.

And that doesn't help.

Those grievances accumulate and replace the trust and affection we might otherwise have for that person - and they might have for us.

Those unresolved resentments cause untold grief.

A few days after Andrew's artistic adventure, I needed to take an early morning flight to a neighbor island to give a Tongue Fu! workshop.

I called out to Tom and Andrew, "Time to head to school." No response.

I went on a search and found them playing in the yard with our neighbor's dog.

They couldn't go to school covered with dog hair and grass stains, so I hustled them inside to change, all the while anxiously checking the time.

As I was backing out of the driveway, Tom yelped, "I forgot my backpack!"

By that time he retrieved it, we were seriously late.

I drove too fast, wheeled into the school driveway, opened the van doors, the boys tumbled out, and I peeled out.

I made my flight with moments to spare.

On the way home later that night, our prop plane flew into a violent thunderstorm that bounced us all over the sky.

I didn't know if we were going to make it. All I could think about was that my sons' final memory of me might be of the uptight individual I had been that morning.

As often happens in a near-death experience, I had an epiphany.

I vowed if we made it back on the ground alive, I would never again part so hurriedly with my sons.

I would never take for granted a guaranteed next time.

I would make each leave-taking one of love rather than helter-skelter haste.

Obviously, we landed safe and sound. And in a way, I'm grateful for that brush with mortality because it has shaped my good-byes with loved ones ever since.

Is there someone who did something wrong or who "wronged you" and you're still carrying a grudge?

Is there someone you're close with - or were once close with - and you've parted on less-than-loving terms?

Have you vowed not to apologize because it was their "fault?"

Have you thought about reaching out to them, but you can't bring yourself to forgive them for what they said or did?

Be honest.

Somewhere in your heart, do you assume that "someday" you'll make up?

What if you're robbed of that opportunity? What if something happens to you or the other person, and you never have a chance to patch things up?

Samuel Butler advised, "Keep your friendships in repair."

Part of a regret-free life is to keep our relationships in repair - and to initiate seps to repair ones that are broken - now, not later. After all, later may be too late.

Let us not wait for some future reunion that may never happen.

Henry David Thoreau's last words were, "I leave this world without a regret."

Could you say the same?

If some misunderstanding or transgression has resulted in a standoff, could you transcend the need to be right and initiate a fresh start?

You may be thinking, "But they're the one who started it."

Ask yourself, "Would I rather save face or save this relationship?"

As Martin Luther King said, "That old law about 'an eye for an eye' leaves everyone blind."

Temper is what gets us in trouble, pride is what keeps us there.

Swallow your pride. Be the one to extend the olive branch.

Reach out to that person and say, "Let's not even rehash what happened or why. Let's just be (sisters, brothers, friends) again and have a... fresh start."

M. Scott Peck said, "Peacemaking ultimately begins at a grassroots level. It begins with you."

If there's a relationship in your life that needs repairing, take five minutes right now to pick up the phone to re-connect with that person.

You'll never regret reconnecting with someone you care about; you'll only regret not reconnecting with them when you had the chance.

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Want more ways to keep relationships in repair? Check out Talking on Eggshells.