The Freedom of Imperfection: How 'Enough' Liberates Us to Be Ourselves

I used to believe that if I just worked harder, achieved more, and got everything right, then I would finally feel at peace. But that peace never came.

In 2022 I read Oliver Burkeman’s Four Thousand Week, and it was a turning point. It didn’t just challenge my beliefs about productivity—it helped understand how the nervous system work I was already doing could help me select my thoughts and beliefs and be myself.

I began to see that my relentless striving was not just a mindset issue but a physiological state, driven by an underlying sense of unsafety, rooted in my past. Applying Burkeman’s perspective alongside Polyvagal Theory allowed me to recognise that embracing ‘enough’ was not about settling but about stepping into a more regulated, fulfilling way of being.

This shift has changed everything—from my coaching practice to my relationships, to how I experience everyday life.

The Polyvagal Perspective: Why 'Enough' is a State of the Nervous System

Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory sheds light on how our nervous system shapes our experience of the world. When we are caught in sympathetic activation (fight-or-flight) or functional freeze (a state of survival where the body and mind remain active but in a highly regulated and controlled way), we are more prone to perfectionism, imposter syndrome, and an endless cycle of proving our worth. These states keep us trapped in hypervigilance or burnout, making true fulfilment feel elusive.

Dr. Aimie Apigian , a trauma and nervous system specialist, expands on functional freeze as a survival adaptation rooted in early experiences of overwhelm or unmet emotional needs. This state—often characterised by overthinking, perfectionism, and people-pleasing—develops when the nervous system learns that taking action or asserting boundaries is unsafe.

Instead of engaging fully with life, we stay stuck in patterns of over-analysis, rigid self-expectations, and external validation-seeking as a way to manage underlying discomfort. These behaviours are not just personality traits but deeply ingrained nervous system responses attempting to create a sense of safety in an unpredictable world.

Deb Dana, a leading voice in applied Polyvagal Theory, reminds us that ventral vagal activation—the state of connection, safety, and presence—allows us to experience life with greater ease. In this state, we can recognise that we are already 'enough' without the need to constantly prove or perfect ourselves. From this place, we can embrace imperfection with grace, seeing it not as failure but as part of being human.

Embracing Imperfection: Time Management for Mortals

Oliver Burkeman’s book, Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, invites us to reconsider our relationship with time and achievement. He challenges the illusion that we can—or should—do everything flawlessly. Instead, he suggests that accepting our limitations and embracing 'enough' is the gateway to living fully.

As he puts it,

“The capacity to experience the joy of life only fully emerges once you stop assuming you’ll ever get the future under control.”

By letting go of the impossible ideal of perfection, we free ourselves to focus on what truly matters.

A regulated nervous system is the foundation for engaging with Burkeman’s philosophy. When we are dysregulated—caught in stress, overwhelm, or the compulsion to control everything—his invitation to embrace limitation and imperfection can feel threatening rather than liberating. However, when we cultivate nervous system safety, we create the internal conditions necessary to accept that we cannot do everything, nor do we need to.

In a regulated ‘ventral vagal state’, we can shift from reacting with urgency and resistance to responding with presence and intentionality. This allows us to embody Burkeman’s wisdom: instead of striving to fit more into our limited time, we can experience a deeper connection to what truly matters, trusting that what we choose to focus on is enough.

The Role of Wholeness and the Enneagram in Nervous System Regulation

Dr. Dan Siegel’s research on wholeness and the Enneagram offers further insight into why embracing ‘enough’ is so powerful. He describes personality not as a fixed identity but as a Pattern of Developmental Pathways (PDPs)—strategies we develop to navigate the world based on our early experiences. These pathways influence our nervous system states and how we respond to stress, success, and connection. Siegel suggests that moving toward an integrated, whole sense of self allows us to break free from rigid personality constraints and cultivate fluidity, adaptability, and self-compassion.

Burkeman’s call to embrace our finite time aligns with Siegel’s perspective on integration. Both emphasise that true fulfilment comes from stepping beyond rigid patterns—whether in our approach to time or in our habitual personality structures. Just as Siegel encourages expanding our awareness beyond our conditioned responses, Burkeman urges us to stop chasing the illusion of perfect control. Together, their insights highlight that by regulating our nervous system and embracing wholeness, we can move from frantic striving into an intentional, connected way of being.

By understanding our Enneagram type, we can recognise habitual patterns of overachievement, avoidance, or control that keep us trapped in stress-driven cycles. Rather than identifying with these tendencies, we can use nervous system regulation techniques to shift into a more expansive awareness, allowing us to embrace uncertainty and imperfection.

As Siegel notes,

“Accessing an expansive awareness allows us to embrace uncertainty, reframe limiting beliefs, and cultivate a state of being that integrates both the personal and relational self.”

This aligns perfectly with Burkeman’s philosophy: by stepping out of personality-driven striving and into nervous system regulation, we free ourselves to engage fully in the present moment without the pressure of achieving an unattainable ideal.

The Benefits of Shifting to 'Enough'

When we transition from a stress-driven, perfectionist mindset into a ventral vagal state of ‘enoughness’, the benefits are profound:

• Wellbeing: Reduced anxiety, greater self-compassion, and a deep sense of inner peace.
• Relationships: More authentic connections, as we no longer strive to earn love or approval.
• Performance: Enhanced creativity and problem-solving, free from the paralysis of perfectionism.
• Productivity: Sustainable success through aligned action rather than overwork and burnout.

How I Help People Regulate Their Nervous Systems

I support individuals in shifting from stress and survival states to a regulated, balanced nervous system through:

• Awareness practices – Teaching people to notice bodily cues of dysregulation and safety.
• Regulation techniques – Simple, accessible tools to shift from fight-or-flight to calm presence.
• Inner work Mind-Body reframing – Helping clients reframe perfectionism and urgency as nervous system responses rather than personality traits.
• Gentle exposure to discomfort – Guiding people in stepping into imperfection with self-compassion, instead of avoidance or over-control.
• Building daily regulation rituals – Small, consistent practices to access ventral vagal connection throughout the day.
• Practical application of Polyvagal Theory – Translating neuroscience into everyday strategies for self-regulation and ease.

Living in 'Enough': A Radical Act of Freedom

Choosing to live from a place of 'enough' isn’t a passive act—it’s a radical shift in how we engage with the world. It requires us to step out of survival states and into trust. It allows us to trade burnout for balance, proving for presence, and striving for serenity.

By making this shift, we not only liberate ourselves, but we also create a ripple effect—fostering healthier relationships, workplaces, and communities.

So, today, as you navigate your to-do list, your inbox, and your inner critic, ask yourself: What if this was already enough?

And then, notice the freedom that follows.

Thank you for reading! If this resonated with you, I’d love for you to share it with others who might benefit.

Let’s start a conversation—feel free to comment, message, or book a call to explore how neuroscience-based coaching can support your growth.

I’m Andrea Edmondson, founder of NeuroSmart Learning and a transformative leader in neuroscience-based coaching. I help high-achieving executives break free from perfectionism, burnout, and self-doubt by leveraging the brain-body connection for sustained performance and well-being.

Blending science, compassion, and actionable strategies, I empower leaders to shift from survival mode to thriving, equipping them with the tools to navigate complexity, build resilience, and unlock their full potential.

Through NeuroSmart Learning, I redefine success by integrating peak performance with optimal health and peace of mind.

If you're ready to break free from hidden performance barriers and step into your full potential, let’s talk. Book a free call with me to explore how neuroscience-based coaching can help you shift from survival mode to thriving—without burnout, perfectionism, or self-doubt holding you back. Click here to schedule your free consultation and take the first step toward sustainable success and well-being.