Freedom: Attachment vs Involvement

Few years back, when I was an entrepreneur and things were not really going well for me, there was a certain uneasiness mentally as well as physically. I was constantly thinking about business metrics, which weren't going well and feeling bad about a number of things. However, I was smart enough to look inside and question why am I anxious or feeling bad when I can't even fix most of them. That was also the time when I had started on my spiritual practices so probably the awareness was better. This helped me to get to the source of the issue and to my surprise, it was my identification with a number of things such as my company, my colleagues, my customers, even the company's CAC and Gross Margin numbers. The reason I said surprise is because I used to pity people who were so identified and attached with their vehicles, how they look, and what they eat. And here was I, not very different, who was allowing a bad sales day to impact myself.

Attachment

"You only lose what you cling to"

Those of us who read even a few spiritual books would know that such texts have talked about issues with attachments. Not only I didn't understand it well, I also found it confusing at times. It only became clear when it came into the experience, and I may not be completely clear about it even today but I understand it at least at the first level.

During the process of self analysis, I realized that I am getting attached to most of the things I come across. Business issues like I mentioned above were on one side, but I was also attached to my education, my reputation, my habits that I developed since childhood, and above all, my thought process. It is so surprising to learn that I get attached to a thought, which wasn't even created a few days or sometimes even a few minutes back. And I feel bad letting that thought go. This attachment was so clear whenever I was meditating. It was really difficult not to build on a thought that arises during the meditation. Beside thoughts, I could clearly see my attachments to habits such as morning tea, food tastes etc, which were a part of my identity.

Once I was aware, I can see how attachments are nothing more than constraints. I am not my company. This is simply what I chose to do and my life isn't defined by the funding I raised this year. They are limiting me, not letting me express myself and unnecessarily complicating situations around me. I didn't know that I had started to take my life that seriously!

Involvement

My own understanding of involvement developed when I observed myself doing various tasks and realized that there is always something else going on in my head while performing most of these tasks. In fact, even during a 2 min conversation with someone, it was difficult to be with that person 100% of time! Why is that so tough? The answer was in attachment. As I started questioning my attachments, my ability to be involved increased; and that involvement wasn't limited to professional work, it was everywhere. The extreme of it was that "what I do" wasn't important anymore as long as i focused on "how I do", and I was able to relate to something which a guru said:

a bad way to live life is to do what you don't love, a good way to live life is to do what you love, but the real way to live life is to love whatever you end up doing. The only thing that matters is your involvement 

Now, I won't go into the details of how I was able to start my process of breaking the attachment or increasing involvement as it's a personal journey. I used tools like yoga and had a certain method as I felt that only intellectual discipline wouldn't be enough for me. However, different people have done it differently and what matters is the end state.

Involvement, not attachment

I don't claim that I have no attachments left and I am 100% involved in anything I do. I am not even close to reaching that point. However, I have started the journey and I am much better than where I was. In fact, I don't think that there is any other way to live life than performing every task with 100% involvement. Focus on results is attachment. Involvement itself is the result, and rest is simply a consequence. Not attached doesn't mean I am irresponsible or don't take it seriously. On the contrary, I try to do my tasks for the tasks itself and no other agendas. I still have goals and deadlines but how I approach them has changed.

Now, you may ask what changes have I observed as I went along this path. The biggest difference is that I am far more relaxed, and people around me also exhibit the same behavior. My flexibility and bandwidth has increased significantly and I always have extra time. I don't think my failure rates have decreased significantly, but the fatigue is gone completely. I now see any attachment as a baggage and a constraint to express myself. I have also noticed that most attachments happen as a part of our upbringing and social structure and we feel safe with attachments in our societies. In that case, I am fine to be called an eccentric:)

I meet entrepreneurs in a similar state of mind as I was. And when that happens, I hope they get back to why they started it. I believe that many people get interested in entrepreneurship because it's so easy to be involved in this process, and hence, it's fun. If I only focus on the results of entrepreneurship, it's really hard. Involvement is the biggest reward and especially in entrepreneurship, it should be the most important reason. Rest is just the process- hiring, fund raising, CAC, DAU, dilution etc.

Building a company or a product offers so much joy, and it deserves a "free unattached mind", so I wish freedom to all existing and budding entrepreneurs. I hope that we all can sustain absolute involvement in all our tasks, even if we fail at times.