Free Yo' Self! Navigating Those Difficult Family Relationships

A "Relationship Action Plan" (RAP). I had never heard of the concept prior to attending one of my mentoring sessions in 2022, but it made perfect sense. It essentially involves having a structured plan in place to identify important relationships you would like to foster, including as it relates to specific areas of your life.

For example, if you wanted to promote your personal and professional development, cultivating a relationship with a mentor or a coach would be ideal. If you wanted to expand in an area of interest, say a sport like golf or tennis, identifying and seeking out others who share said interest and developing those relationships would be a smart move.

It seems you can create a RAP for any aspect of your life you deem important. The key is to know your needs, identify those individuals you feel confident enough to help you in those areas and start nurturing and developing those relationships. Of-course, it is not only about taking. There has to be some level of reciprocity in this process.

I have been apt to seek out individuals on LinkedIn, connecting with them via their inbox. I generally follow-up that initial contact with a Zoom introduction, and when possible, take those relationships off-line. I have been blessed to meet individuals whom I recognize as mentors in my life and others I have been fortunate to formulate business relationships with. So if you have been contemplating expanding your circle, I would say, go for it!

With that being said, I want to expand this RAP conversation a tad bit more. We are still talking about relationships, but with a different kind of RAP in mind.

Of late I have been having conversations with several clients about these very difficult relationships they are having to navigate. These are familial relationships, and if you know anything about family, this could get tricky and really emotional. These are the relationships that we cannot just simply terminate, though people often try.

Here is the perspective I have been encouraging clients to embrace as they navigate these uncomfortable relationship terrains.

1.???? You cannot be an emotional gate-keeper for others and their feelings

To assume the posture of constantly walking on eggshells to avoid conflict, or to seek to pacify others' emotions every time a conflict emerges, serves to only reinforce their unreasonable behavior and expectations of you. Things will only get worse.

It is not your responsibility to manage their emotions. It is their responsibility to manage their emotions. It is not your responsibility to make excuses for them. It is their responsibility to practice holding themselves accountable. It is not your responsibility to take on their "stuff." You have enough "stuff" of your own to tend to.

You are only responsible for two things - showing up with respect for the other person as you would desire to be treated and managing your emotions and responses. Not an easy task, especially in trying moments, but if you focus your efforts in that regard, you will fare well.

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2.???? People are who they are. Accept this!

This is a tough one! I had to train my mind to understand and accept this fact. Here goes. We often relate to family members as though they are entirely an extension of us, meaning, they should think the way we think, feel the way we feel, value the things we value, and even act accordingly.

The reality is this, whether or not these folks are related to you, this is who they are as people. Your connection to them is not the reason why they behave the way they behave. This is who they are inherently. This is a difficult pill to swallow, but I have also found that when you can come to terms with this, it helps with managing your own expectations and keeps you from personalizing their every action.

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3.???? You absolutely have the right to pursue your peace

And pursuing peace might equate to limiting contact and managing engagements. If you have shared your concerns about how you feel with your family members and they remain adamant in the way they communicate or interact with you, you do have the right to decide how and when you will engage them.

You can determine the time, method and frequency. You are well within your rights to establish and enforce boundaries and it is okay to ask and expect to be treated with respect.

Again, you will need to manage your expectations in the process. Just because you make a demand does not mean you will receive the response or experience the outcome that you are anticipating. It is still important, however, that you do not become mired in guilt and shame about the decision to make your mental and emotional wellbeing a priority.

Free yourself!

When you are settled and at peace internally, you will find that managing these challenging relationship terrains becomes less daunting, less stressful and easier to navigate.

If you need help with working through this process and strengthening your boundaries, consider seeking support from a licensed mental health clinician or certified relationship coach.

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Georgia A. Bryce-Hutchinson is an accomplished Mental Health Consultant and Practitioner, who leverages an Environmental Engineering background to set the framework, language, and impact of coaching across corporate and one-on-one environments. She specializes in advising organizations and employees on mental health literacy, awareness and crisis intervention and devising preventative strategies to increase workforce productivity, engagement, and retention. Georgia has the ability to meet employees and people where they are in their lives, pivoting to support both the employee and the organization from an inside-out approach.?Connect with Georgia at?[email protected] .

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