Fraud, Failure, and Removing the Mask

I landed my first "real" job while I was still in graduate school and immediately begin working after graduation.

I was motivated, ambitious, and ready to take on the world in my chosen field.

Fast forward a few months - the girl who had once been so eager and excited - was quickly transitioning into someone who regretted their career choice. I had spent 6 years in college, spent hundreds of thousands on my education, got my master's degree and a few months in I was already experiencing burn-out.

I was questioning everything - floundering, searching for purpose - afraid of disappointing my family, of those who supported me, of those who cheered me on. I was afraid of admitting I was deeply unhappy.

I felt shame. I felt fear. I felt like a failure. I felt like an imposter and a fraud.

Everything I thought I wanted, everything I had achieved, all of my goals were misaligned.

I convinced myself that if I just kept going, kept showing up, it would eventually get better. Eventually these feelings would subside.

An internal battle was raging inside of me. I shoved my unhappiness deep down. I got stuck in the hamster wheel working for a paycheck, living for the weekend.

Surviving, not thriving.

It wasn't that I hated what I did - it was the fact that I was working within an environment that did not allow me to serve my purpose. My purpose is to serve and the restraints, rules, and policies in place restricted my ability to serve at the highest level. I felt stifled and unfulfilled - crushed under the weight of feeling like I was made for so much more.

Eventually I broke free - I got real with myself.

I removed the mask I had forced myself to don to fit into the role I thought I had to portray.

Instead of shoving my feelings down, I dealt with them. I used them to propel me to pivot many, many times. I found clarity on my purpose and my goals and then I decided how I wanted my life to look.

I DECIDED.

I set the intention of living a life that was fulfilled, aligned, and purpose-driven. I refuse to settle for anything less.

Did these changes occur overnight?

Nope.

Did I get it together all at once?

Nope.

Am I still working on it every single day?

Absolutely. My journey is only just beginning. I'm ever changing, ever growing, ever evolving.

You have the power to decide. You have the power to pivot. You have the power to pursue your passion and live your purpose.

You also have the power to settle. You have the power to swallow your feelings, live in the hamster wheel, and remain in the familiar.

You make the decision every single day. But most of us do it on autopilot - we are not intentional with that decision.

If you're unfulfilled you do not have to change your life overnight. You do not have to stomp into your bosses office, slam your resignation letter onto their desk, thrust your fists into the air and defiantly scream "I QUIT!"

But you do have to decide. I beg you to be intentional with that decision. A non-intentional decision is still a decision.

You have to decide what you want out of this life. You have to decide what you're willing to settle for. You have to decide what you're willing to sacrifice. You have to decide what action you're willing to take.

The decision is yours.