Frankly, I Hate Goals

Ok, so this might be an overstatement. But I do think goals may cause more harm than good.

As a High-Performance Coach, I spend my days thinking and talking about goals more than anyone else I know.

I’ve helped many people achieve their goals. Through these experiences, I have gathered substantial data on what works and what doesn’t.

The reason I hate goals, particularly new years resolutions, is that they often are set in a way that goes against our psychology. Thereby leading to us feeling like failures and like our lives are out of our control.

Most people set goals with a focus on the outcome. “I want to lose 10 lbs”. “I want to get a promotion.” “I want to find a partner.”

Outcomes are not things we can actually control. Although we can work toward an outcome. Ultimately, the outcome is in the control of the universe, or pure chance, or whatever you believe in.

Yet, everyone seems to focus on the outcome as a way to achieve their goal.

This consumes the majority of their cognitive energy. The other question in their minds is “how?”

"How am I going to achieve this goal? Is this the right method? Maybe I should switch my tactic?"

This type of thinking leads to self-doubt and an out-of-control feeling.

This out-of-control feeling is called a lack of self-efficacy in psychology. And if there is one thing that is detrimental to mental health it is the lack of self-efficacy. We hate feeling like we don’t have control over our environments or our lives. Frankly, it’s terrifying.

Now you may understand why I hate goals. As conventional goal setting leads to a mental mess that mental health professionals such as myself are often hired to clean up after the fact.

There is an optimal way to set goals.

In my opinion, a more optimal way to set goals focuses on two components: process and belief.

If you focus on process and belief, you will increase your ability to stick to your goal and thereby achieve it.?

1. Process

First, the process is the task list you would give yourself to make achieving your goal inevitable. Maybe for the find a partner example it’s going on one date a week. Maybe it’s going to therapy to find insight into attachment issues. Whatever you choose it can be a combination of things you have full control over that would lead to the desired outcome.

The trick is to not think about the outcome but to find joy in accomplishing the tasks - engaging in the process.

This will inoculate you against the desire to quit when the outcome isn’t quite as you wanted or as soon as you wanted. This is what happens to most people by the end of January.

2. Belief

The second component of optimal goal setting is belief.

You will not know how you achieve your goal until you achieve it. It often is not how you thought you would achieve it.

This is why belief is so important. Use your significant cognitive energy on believing in yourself and your ability in achieving this goal, not wondering how you will achieve or if you will achieve it.

What if you could assume that achieving your goal is guaranteed? What would you think about then? Maybe all the different ways you could’ve achieved it?

Using cognitive energy on doubt leads to giving up. You feel exhausted and demoralized. Using cognitive energy on belief opens up creative new ways you could achieve your goal.

Oftentimes when my clients finally believe they will achieve their goal, they feel like a massive weight has been lifted off their shoulders and they can run toward their goals.

So now ask yourself, what would I be doing if I knew success was guaranteed?

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The High Five Habit by Mel Robbins

Just a tiny bit too self-help for my liking, but this is the book we all need to read right now. It is the pep talk we need to start out the year.?