FRAMING DISCUSSIONS

A POWERFUL ROUTE TO BUILDING TRUST THROUGH INTELLIGENT CONVERSATION

This, the first of two articles, outlines an effective way to begin conversations by preparing the listener for what is to come. It calls their attention and introduces the subject, making it easier to give you their attention, and to receive what you say in the way that you intend. So often when we begin to speak, the listener is obliged to work out what is going on and to guess your intention. And since language itself is not a totally reliable way to represent our thoughts, the potential for misunderstanding is increased. Framing is one way to amplify understanding and to increase Trust through more intelligent conversations.

A very good friend of mine has observed over the years that asking questions can so often be received as some kind of challenge, that he has learned to preface his questions with, “I want you to know there is no judgement or criticism in this question I’m about to ask, I’m simply asking to understand.” 

An example

Emma was incensed; on fire with anger! She was the coordinator for the Apprentices Programme, and the day before on Emma’s day off, Janine, one of her colleagues on the Central Training Team, had agreed something with a department manager that was set to cause a significant problem for Emma. Something like this had happened nearly a year before, and the blazing row that ensued then had disrupted relations in the team for some weeks.

This time, Emma ran a series of really violent images through her mind, took a number of deep breaths, and calmed herself enough to go and ask for her manager’s advice. She needed to make it clear to Janine that it was NOT OK to go behind her back like this.

Her manager, a wise woman with superb conversational skills demonstrated her advice rather than offer it verbally. She listened very carefully for about 45 seconds, and then gently interrupted by saying, “hmmm, you look like eleven out of ten on the angry scale there! I want to do my best to help you deal with this in the best possible way, so you can get the best possible result.”

“Can I just ask you a couple of questions to get some things clear?”

“Sure,” said Emma, calmer now, but still keen to make her complaint 

“What’s the ideal outcome for you? What needs to happen for you to put things right with this manager?” 

The result of this conversation was that Emma went and sat down with Janine, and opened the conversation with,

“Janine, I know you made an agreement yesterday, and you probably don’t know that it’s caused me a big problem. I need to sort it out, and I may need your help. To help me get to that, could I ask you a couple of questions?” 

Framing your intentions

There you have three examples of framing a conversation to indicate to the listener your intention. It is almost like setting up understanding as a lead into what comes next. In the above examples, the frame was used to side-step possible conflict and to focus on the outcome. Imagine the response Emma might have provoked if her approach to Janine had been something like, “Janine!!! What the hell did you think you were doing?! What makes you think you can just….?!!!”

What does framing do?

In this latter scenario, Emma storms in with all guns blazing. Her one intention is to vent her anger, take her colleague by surprise and punish her. Not that intelligent, when the key outcome required is to repair the damage with the department manager. Then again, in an angry or agitated state, the thinking forebrain is turned off, and the emotional brain is hijacking all the creative capacity.

Framing effectively demands a little thinking, because it is a preparation process for a conversation. It includes: 

1.   What is my intention?

2.   How best to satisfy that intention in this context?

3.   Gaining agreement to the frame.

In the Emma-Janine example, Emma’s manager helped her to recognize the important intention was to solve the problem with the department manager, and not to punish Janine. Emma recognized by inference from that, that she may need some information from Janine about how and why she made an agreement without authority. And Janine’s agreement to give her that information would probably make it easier to speak with the manager and put things right.

So she introduces what she wants to talk about:

“Janine, I know you made an agreement yesterday, and you probably don’t know that it’s caused me a big problem… 

She gives her the benefit of the doubt with, “you probably don’t know…”

1.   She shows her intention:

     “I need to sort it out,”

2.   She suggests how to satisfy her intention in this context:

“and I may need your help…” 

3.   Then she requests agreement to her frame (proposal)

“To help me get to that, could I ask you a couple of questions?”

The benefit of framing

In this case, this framing and the subsequent questions about what happened enabled Janine to apologise for the mistake, explain that her intention had been to help, and she had no idea that the agreement would create such a problem. In fact, it also allowed Janine to offer to call the department manager herself, explain her mistake and put things back as they were.

The big benefit was that it maintained team-mates’ working relationship, and enabled them to set new ground rules about how to deal with such a case in future.

Framing can turn everyday conversations into intelligent ones by introducing the subject, showing your intentions and checking understanding and agreement. It also gains the attention of the listener. In addition, it sets the tone of the intended remarks to follow signaling to the receiver if they need to be on their guard or if it is safe to respond in certain ways. It takes away the common default tendency for people to take things personally, and interpret negatively the speaker’s intentions because those intentions are part of the frame.

It may also engender Trust in this way, increase mutual understanding and contribute to rewarding and collaborative working relationships in the workplace.

GETTING TO ACTION IN MEETINGS

A different context where framing is valuable is in making meetings more efficient. When the person leading or chairing a meeting frames it and gains agreement to the frame, keeping focused is made easier.

Roger was a Regional General Manager who received an instruction on the morning in which he was to begin an off-site team development event with his Regional Management Team. The instruction was that he would be merging the adjacent region, including its Management Team, with his own region and team in the ensuing three months and that this was to be announced across the country in the next 24 hours. He chose to inform his team straight away because he knew that it would change dramatically the nature of their work in this event.

He framed it in this way. 

He introduced the subject:

“I’ve had some news this morning that I’d like to share with you, because it will affect what we are doing here, and although the official announcement is set for tomorrow, I want you all to know what I know right now.

“I’m told I will be responsible for merging xxx Region into ours as part of a major re-structuring programme, and I’ll be leading it. This is to take place in the next three months, and it’ll have sweeping implications for all of us. 

He stated his intention:

I want to focus on us here in this room for now. With merging the two Regional Management Teams, we can’t have a team of 21, which implies that some of you won’t be in your current jobs when that change is completed.

He outlined how he might satisfy the intention:

“That sharp intake of breath is understandable, and I’d like to talk about first impressions before we launch into the programme we had in mind. My intention is to hear you, and be as open, honest and direct with you as I can, and to reassure you that if you do move on, I personally will make sure it’s to an even better job or one better suited for you, and if it’s a sideways move, you’ll make it with your full dignity intact.

He asked for agreement:

“In this meeting there will not be any decisions. I will answer any of your questions that I have answers to, and we’ll know between us what we need to find out. Do you all agree that this will be our focus for the first hour?”

FRAMING IN FORMAL MEETINGS

In framing a formal meeting with a pre-planned agenda, the topic/s and intention may be introduced:

“We have a mixed agenda today. Five items, two of them for decisions based on the information we have managed to get, two of them for discussion and agreeing next steps, and an update on Joe’s project and what help he may need and from whom. Does anyone have anything that does not fit in those five? 

“My intention is to end up with two key decisions, two sets of actions with people’s names on them, and specific actions to progress things with Joe’s project.” 

To satisfy the intention:

“As we come to each item, I’ll clarify our intention or outcomes and call on the lead person to guide us through. I know not everything is relevant to every one of you, but do please keep your attention here and stay involved. Your curiosity is like gold dust and contributes to creativity, so do ask questions and support the discussions.” 

And gaining agreement:

“Can I see you all turn mobiles right off now and heave a big sigh of relief at the peace and freedom for a little bit?  It’s only an hour and I would like you all to keep your minds here. Do you all agree on an hour, and we’ll take a five-minute comfort break about half way between items?”

Framing agenda items

In the above example, two items were for decisions, and could be framed like this 

“This is for us to decide, and our decision is about do we go ahead this month, or not at all? We’ve done the research and we’ve discussed pros and cons. Are you all OK that the only discussion will be remaining concerns, and unless something unexpected comes up that could stop it dead in its tracks, we agree the launch date and Tim’s team will work up the marketing campaign?”

One further benefit of framing and agreeing the intention is that, if someone appears to take the discussion off the topic, either unknowingly or deliberately, a Relevance Challenge can be applied:

“We agreed the boundaries for this conversation. Is the point you are making a good fit here, or shall we park that for a separate discussion?”

SUMMARY

So far, we have seen several examples of how framing can set the tone of a conversation signaling to the receiver that it’s safe to respond in certain ways or warning them if they need to be on their guard. It reduces the common tendency for people to take things personally, and interpret negatively the speaker’s intentions. The upside is effective communication letting the listener know what to expect.

The examples covered dealing with a colleague’s mistake to maintain working relationships; introducing a potentially difficult discussion and keeping focused in formal meetings.

The next article will show examples of how to use framing to receive and clarify instructions using a special process called The Verbal Package; how to use framing to formulate and give instructions. Also, framing in personal relationships easing a delicate conversation to sidestep conflict, and finally how to present persuasively an idea or suggestion to minimize possible resistance.

The Trusted Leader’s Toolkit – please see www.bitnerphillips.com for more information