Frames of reference, as a mother.

Frames of reference.?

We all try and use them at times. Comments, labels, thoughts or perceptions we hold that we state in an attempt to help ourselves reconcile, quantify or qualify situations, circumstances of philosophical wrestles.

I remember talking about a conversation a friend overhead with 3 female podcast hosts who were debating a breach of human rights on the border of Mexico and the USA where children were being taken from their parents at the border crossings while people were crammed up against fences trying to chase the dream of a better life in mainland USA. Two of the hosts were parents and they ended up debating the frame of reference... "as a mother".

Because, the woman with no children had questioned the use of that frame of reference and why because she had no children the validity of her viewpoint or ability to empathise was considered less than those with children? and why the perception in society is so often that the women with children have a more valid viewpoint and their words carry more weight than those with no children or someone who can't have children?

As I chatted with my best friend about this conversation, who herself is a mother. I remember remarking that people can both use and abuse that frame of reference. It's like all scales in life.

At one end there are people who find their sole identity in being a mother and for these people the use of that statement is rarely an expression of empathy directed towards the subject matter and more scarily a selfish self-righteous expression of their need for validation and esteem in motherhood.

Similarly, at the other end there will be people who are genuinely moved by the situation and use their motherhood as a frame of reference to develop a deep sense of empathy the gap though is that by using the frame of reference publicly (as best intentioned as it may be) it can often can leave other people ostracised and alone trying to navigate their own way to empathetic association and change by finding a frame of reference that gives them safety and community.

The reality is we need to get better at unifying humanity not boxing it. We need to avoid the creation and celebration of boxes and fight to find the common unifying thread that unites us all.?

In the example above I think it is less about being a mother and more aptly about the fact we were all once children. That’s the thread we share in common. We were all... once... children... and because of that we can empathise with how the children at the border must feel, we can empathise with how the parents must have felt because in addition to being children we also all had parents AND in doing so we can empathise with each other.

Frames of reference are important, used well they are unifying, poorly exclusionary. Our pursuit should be to find what we all have in common. Not the boxes that elevate our frame of reference, ourselves and exclude others.?

#leadership #coaching #thoughtleadership #stereotypes #communication

Mike Gore?is the Co-Founder of?Charitabl. ?Australia's first app based giving platform for charities and not-for-profits. Mike is also Co-Founder of?FaceMail ?an innovative mail order gift delivery service. Mike has formerly been the CEO of Open Doors and has more than 20 years leadership experience. To book Mike to speak at your event email [email protected].