Frame of Reference

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

What is your frame of reference?  

You hear an employee is going to be out...again.  Isn't it like the 7th day this month?  

One of your co-workers is snapping at people left and right?  What makes him so grumpy?  

The waitress wasn't very nice and didn't fill up my glass like I expect.  Where do they get these people?

My frame of reference for these issues are often from my own perspective.  If I have been showing up to work every day, slugging through it even though I have problems, I might be a little harsh in my thinking and feelings towards these issues.  If I'm in a good mood I might think a coworker is a jerk when they snap at me or others.  If all is well and I'm satisfied that I have enough money and time to go out to eat, I may leave a smaller tip for the poor service because I deserve good service.  All the while, the lens to the world I'm looking through is very different than the people around me whose actions I am judging.

What if my mom or dad has been sick and I'm the only child and have the responsibility of taking care of them and they live 3 hours away?  What if I'm going through a divorce and haven't told anyone yet?  What if I'm in a financial crisis and don't know how I'll pay rent next month?  Would I see these other people any differently?

Leaders must expand their frame of reference outside of themselves.  The greatest self-deception a leader can have is that their lens to the world is the correct one.  This world we live in is full of struggle and heartache and fear and most of us are too afraid to admit it.  As leaders we face our own fears and often compensate for those by the demands we put on employees in form of our (unwarranted/unsaid/unattainable) expectations.  Our frame of reference towards them, their work, their attitudes takes on the expectation of how we want perceived things to be instead of broadening our viewpoint to understand them.  

Empathy may be one of the greatest and most overlooked tools a leader has in his toolkit.  Being empathetic towards your employees can build a camaraderie and loyalty that is almost impossible to break.  Being empathetic doesn't mean giving in to every demand and request, only that we listen, that we try to understand and we try to help as we see issues through their eyes.  

In Stephen Covey's book, 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, he lists one of the habits as "seek first to understand and then be understood."  Trying to understand the other person's point of view gives us the ability to work through problems easier because we can bring our frame of reference to theirs instead of hoping they understand us.  It is simply caring.  Caring about the other person and their concerns, challenges and issues.  

Great leaders adopt a frame of reference much like the picture above.  If I say the word "frame" most people will think of a traditional picture frame.  Leaders need to take the stance of being open to learning what kind of frame is at the heart of the discussion and then move forward.  Leaders listen.  Leaders ask questions.  Leaders seek to understand.  Once the information is in, leaders can lead effectively.  Once people understand you care about them, they are more apt to follow where you are going.  They will want to look through your frame of reference because you have already invested in seeing theirs.  

Jeff Jones is an aspiring peacemaker.  He has a MA in Conflict Resolution and a BBA in Accounting and has a broad understanding of conflict and peace in organizations and how it affects both morale and financial issues in organizations.  Jeff writes and speaks on several topics to provide tools to create successful organizations.  Follow Jeff on Twitter @credibleleader. You can also reach him at [email protected].