Fragility: The Impact of a Life

Welcome to my post where I enjoy a cold brew and share my thoughts. As I write this I am enjoying the song, Half-Life by X Ambassadors. Take the time to listen after reading this post. Please note: This post has sensitive content about death.

I declared the word intentionality as my word of 2025. My intent was to evolve my mental state to identify and focus on the pillars of my life. Family is one of the most important pillar of my life. In fact, since Monday, December 16 it became apparent my intention to spend time with more was critical. Without going into too much personal detail, from December 16 until a week ago the health of my father declined significantly due to his dementia and epilepsy. On Friday, January 17 my father and I spent what I did not know was our final day together. About mid-afternoon we pick up my cat Oliver Jones who had surgery and then I drove us to my house. My mom followed us as they were going back to their house later in the evening. We made dinner and enjoyed a movie. Before they backed out of the driveway, I opened a shade in my breezeway and waved goodbye. On Saturday, January 18, my life changed forever.

At 10:25 am on January 18, my brother called and said I needed to drive down to the emergency room. Dad had his fourth seizure in a month. I was used to this process. Dad would be asleep and he would eventually wake up. I kept this belief, that was me practicing intentionality. I was greeted by a clergywomen who took me to a family waiting area. I opened the door where my brother and mom were sitting. The doctor came to let us know that dad was in the ICU, intubated, and being monitored. We were taking to see him. They eventually took us all to the Critical Care Unit (CCU). We sat as a family praying. We were still hopeful but we decided to still be prepared. I opened the computer and without any difficulty I wrote his eulogy. My father was a fisherman and I wrote:

"Doug was passionate about fishing and found solace in the beauty of God’s creation. Just like the salmon that journeys back home, Doug too has returned to his eternal home in heaven, where his faith and love will continue to shine brightly".

The nurse came out and took us to his room, Room 20. Over the next few hours we waited and prayed. Mid-afternoon came and the doctor spoke with us. It was the most difficult personal conversation I've had in my life. Afterwards, they made him comfortable. Sometime after 7:00 pm the nurse came in to let my brother and I know the next steps. My mom, a strong woman, told them earlier to turn the noise of the monitors off so we did not focus on the beeps. They then took his neck brace off and pulled out the intubation tube. My brother took his right hand and took his left hand. I gripped his hand three times to communicate, "I love you." Around 20 minutes went by and I saw the shoes of the nurse walk towards the room and even before she could speak I said, "he is gone, right." She spoke softly and said, "yes."

Since Saturday, I've reflected on the word, intentionality. I've drawn a bridge to the word fragility. If the intention is to focus on who in our life is important, it is important to remember the fragility of these lives. Please take the time to make that call, spend that time, and tell them how much they mean to you. Remember, fragility can evolve to impact, an impact of a life.

My brother, an amazing big brother, gave a brief speech at the memorial service and stated,

"Dad was a light to the world. We must continue to keep his legacy burning."

For me, part of his legacy was becoming a volunteer at Ericson Public Library, the library I work at. Over the past 13 years, children and families have enjoyed meeting many of their favorite storybook characters. Prior to meeting them, I asked them to put on their imagination caps so they can come to life. Then when they came to life I heard their joy and excitement. They also came to life through a dedicated helper and supporter of reading and imagination, my dad. His time as these characters touched hundreds of children and families. He will be missed but not forgotten. These experiences brought him joy. The library and myself will continue his legacy and look forward to bringing new characters to visit. As Fred Rogers said, "look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” My dad was a dedicated helper.

Thank you for taking the time friends for reading. I end my first post with these two questions: What do you believe is your intention? AND Have you contacted the person(s) in your life recently who have a great impact on your life?

All the best,

Zach