Four ways to avoid the “success trap”
As our year ends, we should all take a moment to reflect on two questions:
I know — that second question sounds like a bummer! But it’s an important one. Success is wonderful but it has many downsides. For example:
We don’t want to do these things. So how can we be better?
For the past few months, I’ve been writing a twice-a-week newsletter on a platform called Bulletin. I share wisdom on how you can become more adaptable, think more ambitiously, and prepare yourself for the long and prosperous journey.
In this post, I’m going to share four highlights from the past month — all of which can help you shake off the trappings of success, and prepare yourself for even more of the good stuff. If you like what you see, please subscribe here to follow along! My goal is to be useful to you, and help you navigate an ever-changing world.
Here we go:
1. Get out of your head
We can’t know our blind spots. That may sound obvious —?they’re blind spots, after all! But too often, we ignore the possibility that we even have blind spots. That’s when we get into trouble.
To illustrate the problem, I wrote about a curious case in Sweden: Its military spotted a strange, shifting shape in the ocean, and assumed it was some newfangled Russian war submarine. (This was during the Cold War.) The Swedes kept it a secret and spent a wealth of time and resources trying to identify the shape, but eventually gave up and asked some scientists for help. That’s when they learned the truth: They were looking at a school of fish.
This is the lurking danger of what we don’t know. When we limit the questions we ask — or what we think is worth knowing! — we can get stuck in some pretty ridiculous places. When we confront challenges, we should ask whether we are exacerbating that challenge by trying to tackle it ourselves. Sometimes the best thing to do is get out of our heads and explore what we don’t know.
Read more here about how to identify and work around those blind spots.
2. Define your own success
We can get so caught up in being successful that we forget what success even means.
And here’s the important part: Success can mean whatever we want it to.
My novelist friend Andi Bartz recently gave me a powerful reminder of this. Andi had a nice run on the New York Times bestseller list lately, which, by many writers’ measures, is the peak marker of success. It’s many people’s dream! But, Andi says, that is not what success looks like to her. She sees the list as a fleeting high — and if she’d made that her marker of success when she first started writing, she would have felt demoralized and given up a long time ago. (After all, she’s written multiple books that did not make the list.) That’s why, instead of aiming for splashy external validation, she defines success very narrowly: A book is successful if it earns her the ability to publish another book.
Honors and titles are nice, but you cannot control them. They will not power you through the months-long slog of your next big project. You need something more — something that is realistic, and that is yours.
Read more here about how to define success for yourself.
3. Longevity isn't the goal
Kyle Hansloven, CEO of Huntress, has a bold annual ritual: He asks himself, in full view of his company, whether he should still be CEO.
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So far, the answer has been “yes,” but not unequivocally. Last year, for example, he declared it the “end of the road” for his leadership, because as the company moved into a new phase of maturity, he would need to become a different leader. After all, he was once the guy who scrapped through startup mode, but that version of him is not needed anymore. Now he has to be the one capable of handling the next stage. And, Kyle says, he is prepared for the day when he must let someone else take over.
We should all ask ourselves a version of Kyle’s question: Should I still be doing what I'm doing? So often, we cling to the thing we have simply because we have it — and that holds us back from making changes that can lead us to the next thing. If, instead, we assume we won’t always be doing whatever we’ve got going at the moment, we’re freed up to pursue what actually suits us.
Read more here about how to swap your attachment for freedom and fulfillment.
4. Own your mistakes
We want to trust each other. So here’s the challenge: When you mess up, you have to apologize first. You can’t wait for people to force you.
This is something I’ve thought a lot about recently. Earlier this year, I realized that I’d messed up — and although nobody called me on it, I decided I needed to call myself on it.
The error happened in 2019, when I published a story that praised Ozy CEO Carlos Watson’s advice to “ignore your schedule.” Watson had told me this was the only way to do deep and creative work. But in 2021, the New York Times revealed that Ozy had misled investors — and CNN reported on Ozy’s toxic workplace culture, part of which was driven by Watson’s constant cancellations and rescheduling.
In other words, I had praised a concept that was doing actual harm to Watson’s employees. I should have thought deeper about the implications of “ignoring your schedule,” but I didn’t. Instead I played a small role in Ozy’s mythologizing, and the rise of a company that wasn't on the level. So I apologized publicly, and readers responded kindly, and the experience taught me something important about owning up to error.
Read more here about the importance of apologizing proactively, before anyone forces you to.
BONUS! Automation can drive innovation?
Should we be concerned about disruption to our lives? In the short term, sure — it is disorienting at best, and painful at worse.
But it can also be a time of great opportunity.
That was one of my big takeaways from the totally fascinating and complicated history of knitting (along with its complicated political present), which I researched for this podcast episode. The knitting industry went from a big, reliable employer in 16th Century Europe to an automated commodity — and folks were understandably upset. (See: Luddite factory break-ins.) But ultimately, when people were dismissed from the drudgery of knitting simple socks, they were driven to compete with innovative artistry. We have that industrialized era to thank for the specialized knitting patterns that have come to define the craft.?
The lesson from this story is so broadly applicable: Don’t fear the change; embrace the opportunities it create. Think of all you can build.?
OK! GREAT!
That’s just a taste of what I’ve been up to in the newsletter.
Looking to feel more optimistic and adaptable, and find new ways to stay ahead in a changing world? Sign up to receive my advice twice a week.
Hope to see you there.
Cover photo by Mahdi Dastmard / Unsplash
Translator / Content Writer / AV Localization / Voice Artist FRENCH*ENGLISH*GERMAN
2 年Easier said than done, but worth trying!
Retired Teacher
2 年There is a lot of what you say here that I can apply to my retired life as well! We can choose to never stop learning and growing, which can be its own level of success.
Empowerment | Leadership | Mindset | Grief Educator
2 年Wonderful article, filled with insightful lessons regarding success. For me, the success is in the journey and not the outcome. My philosophy is that everything is either a lesson or a blessing. When we hit a blind spot along the way, and we most definitely will, we can use it as an opportunity to learn and grow. In my perspective, a lesson learned means I’ve had a successful journey.
Advocate for the at-risk student and their family
2 年I extended my capacity it by teaching students face to face and online at the same time! I look back at that skill and skillset and was proud of my accomplishment. Although I was exhausted each day after work, looking back on it, I was proud that I navigated uncharted territory--teaching students while Quarantined with success! The trap I set for myself was that I thought that teachers would gain additional respect from parents because of the work that was required and accomplished by teachers during the quarantine period of the pandemic. I was wrong. Before the quarantine, parents required a lot of commitment from their child's teacher - after the quarantine - many parents feel like they are the expert because they had to "teach" their child during the quarantine period. Parents now demand that teacher teach their child as they did. The problem with this is that most parents had one child to support at one time, whereas I have as many as twenty students to teach at one time, including lesson plans and all other duties as assigned. Having said all of that I love teaching! I could not imagine doing anything else!