The four trust-building behaviors everyone should know

Trust is the key building block in teams, if not in all human relationships. When people trust each other, they can put their guard down, risk being vulnerable, and put their full effort into their work. They can test each other’s ideas and have room to disagree. On the other hand, if a team lacks trust, people will waste valuable time protecting themselves; they won’t be as open about their ideas, mistakes, or skill deficiencies. And they won’t ask for help. A lack of trust makes a team less effective.

You don’t build trust by just talking about it; trust is earned. Trust is created when people work well together. Specifically, trust is built via four behaviors that complement each other: being sincere, being reliable, being authentic, and forgiving each other. Each of these behaviors contributes to people trusting one another. Let’s go through each of them.

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#1 Be Sincere

The basis of trust is that other people perceive you as sincere, as a person of integrity.

Sincerity starts from within – by being honest with yourself. That you mean what you say. For example, let’s say that a colleague asks you to do something, and you answer, “Sure, I’ll do it today,” even though you know deep down that you may not have time to do it until tomorrow. So, you’re saying something that you yourself don’t even believe. You’re merely expressing a hope to do it “today.” But the other person will perceive it as a commitment.

Being sincere also means telling the truth as you honestly believe it to be. That you say what you mean. If a colleague comes up with an idea that you believe is unworkable, you can be direct in explaining why you think it won’t work (in a respectful manner). Or if your manager asks you for your opinion, you answer honestly, even if it’s not the answer he or she would most like to hear.

Additionally, what you say and what you do need to match each other. You need to “walk the talk.” Your actions should speak as loud as your words. If you talk to others about the importance of being on time but then are late yourself, you come across as a hypocrite.

Finally, you want to be accurate with what you tell others. People quickly lose trust if you present things to them as facts that are, in reality, rumors, guesses, or wishful thinking. Instead, only express facts that you’re sure of. If you’re unsure, qualify your statement: “I’m not sure about this, but I believe that ...” Don’t try to sound more confident than what you have evidence for.

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#2 Be Reliable

Another aspect of trust is that you are reliable: that people can depend on you to keep your promises. The key to reliability is to make an effort to deliver what you promised, when you promised.

To keep your promises, you must, in the first place, be diligent with what you promise. Don’t make a commitment unless you honestly believe you can keep it. Instead, be as accurate as you can and err on the side of not overcommitting if you’re in doubt. That also makes it easier for your colleagues, clients, etc., to work with you when their plans depend on your commitments. The same goes for making forecasts and estimates, like sales, cost, resources, time, etc. Here, you also want to be as accurate as possible and not inflate or deflate your numbers to look good or for politics.

Similarly, you want to clarify expectations before you commit to doing something. You don’t want to commit to doing anything unclear. People often make unclear requests, though they may be clear in their own heads. If you don’t ask for clarification, the requester will probably assume you understand what he or she is thinking.

And if something happens (out of your control), so you cannot keep a promise after all, inform others who need to know as quickly as possible. Don’t just wait and hope for the best. It preserves trust better when you cannot live up to expectations.

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#3 Be Authentic

Being authentic means you are you – and aren’t putting on a show to impress others, or to live up to what you believe others (might) like. Many people have a well-developed sense of detecting when others are trying to appear brighter, faster, more competent, or more successful than they really are. People immediately find others less trustworthy when they behave in a fake or pretentious manner.

The tendency to conceal one’s weaknesses, failings, and skill deficiencies is human. But to build trust, it’s better to allow oneself to be vulnerable. To be straightforward with both one’s strengths and weaknesses. Basically, to be accurate about one’s competence and neither overstate nor underrate it. Because trust is more important than being seen as a bit smarter or more confident than you really are.

• So, to build trust, it’s important to shed your need to be invulnerable and engage in behaviors that help you be perceived as authentic. The following team behaviors will do exactly that:
• Admit when you don’t understand, don’t know, or aren’t sure about something. Don’t pretend to know or understand what you don’t. Admit it and ask clarifying questions, ask for repetition, or ask for a more detailed explanation.
• Accept suggestions, feedback, and questions from others about your work. Don’t be defensive. You don’t have to agree, but you need to respectfully listen to the input that others wish to give you.
• Accept it when your teammates hold you accountable. If you’re not living up to what you committed to do or behaved unprofessionally, it’s only correct and helpful that other team members tell you so. Don’t make excuses or blame others when something really is your responsibility.
• Ask for help. Everybody needs help and guidance (especially at the beginning of their careers). Don’t let fear of rejection or embarrassment get in the way of asking for help. Your teammates will probably be more helpful than you think.
• Actively ask others to offer differing opinions as well as test and challenge your arguments.
• When you make a mistake, admit it and take responsibility for it. Quickly communicate to those who need to know that you’ve made a mistake. And don’t (over-) explain or (over-) excuse your mistake if it is indeed yours.
• Quickly apologize if you break someone’s trust or make a mistake that negatively affects others.

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#4 Forgive Others

Sometimes, people do things that impact you negatively. They make mistakes, behave disrespectfully, are inconsiderate, or make decisions that don’t go your way. Or, in a heated moment, they say things they shouldn’t have. And while it’s natural to get upset when these things happen, it’s unprofessional to fume with resentment for too long.

First, you need to come to terms with what happened and possibly address the situation or behavior. For example, you may want to take the initiative to clear the air. Doing so can only earn you respect. That may be as simple as saying, “No hard feelings,” or maybe something more serious where you meet and talk the situation over.

Then, you can move on to forgive and let go. This allows you to avoid letting negative feelings drag you down. And if the person responds well, you can work on rebuilding the relationship.

Of course, not everything others do can be forgiven, and that’s okay – sometimes you’ll come across people with ill intentions whose behaviors cannot easily be forgiven.

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This is the eigth in a series of 14 articles that will convey the main concepts of our book 12 Universal Skills to LinkedIn readers – especially those at the beginning of their careers.

For more on the topic, have a look at our book 12 Universal Skills: The Beginner’s Guide to a Successful Work Life.