Four techniques to avoid getting sucked into the negativity trap

Last month I was out of town for a few days. It’s 10pm and I get a text from my wife,

“Hi are you awake”

? “Yes watching the game”

“I tried calling you”

After 38 years I know what this means, so I call her.

? “What’s up Hon ?”

“The lights on the router in my office are blinking. Even when I unplug it, the lights still blink."

? "Ok, let's see what's wrong here. Unplug the router. Count 10 seconds and then plug it back in."

“1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10.”

? “Ok, is there any change ?”

There’s a short pause. “Nope. Same thing. The lights are still blinking.”

? “Ok. Let’s go downstairs into the electrical room and we’ll look at the internet box where the service comes into the house.”

I get the signal she’s at the electrical panel.

? “Ok Hon. What’s the internet box doing ?”

“Lots of lights blinking”.

? “Great. Same deal as upstairs. Let’s unplug it and count to 10.”

There’s a long pause.

“Same thing but at least the lights went out when I unplugged it.”

? “Ok. Let’s go back to your office and see if that fixes the problem.”

As she walks into her office, the panic in her voice is papable,

“Stephen, the lights are still blinking.”

I’ve reached the end of my technical support ability and at a loss for what to do next.

? “Sorry Hon, I don’t know what else to do.” And then for some reason I ask, “So what’s the actual problem ? Is the printer not connecting ? No wifi ? No internet ? What specifically is the problem ?

“The problem is the lights are blinking. I’ve never noticed them blinking before”

? “So besides that, there’s no problem ?”

She never did answer the last question and I can’t remember which one of us started laughing first.

Here’s the thing, as humans we have a natural tendency to impute negativity into the most mundane of situations or behaviours. Lyn assumed the worst in the absense of any tangible problem and I followed suit, hook, line and sinker. We had ourselves worked up into quite the tizzy and lost our ability to think critically and be creative.

Negativity traps are everywhere and are unrelenting-someone is late for a meeting, your boss doesn’t inform you of an important change in your division, you hear through the grapevine that a friend is talking about you behind your back, a new government policy that puts you or your firm at a disadvantage and the list goes on and on. If you are like most people (like us with the router) you will get whipped into a tizzy and be impaired from responding as the inspiring leader you are meant to be.

I wish there was a 100% guaranteed sure-fire approach to avoiding the negativity trap but there is no bullet-proof solution. However, you can reduce the odds of unnecessarily getting sucked into the negativity trap by utilizing these powerful mindset practices:

1. Develop and maintain a daily habit of making a gratitude list—this practice predisposes your mindset to being more positive and less susceptable to negatiive bias.
2. Park your ego—be a constant observer of yourself and know when your ego takes charge. I regularly review my day and certain situations in my day to be more aware of my behaviours.
3. Remind yourself of the concept, “pronoia” (it’s the oppositie of paranoia) and consider if those around you are, in fact, conspiring in your favour.
4. Discard the stereotypes you’ve created about specific people and what motivates their behaviour.

What mindset practices would you add to this list ? Please add your ideas in the comments.