Four Signs You Have Baggage That Needs to Be Unpacked
There is no shaming in admitting we all have baggage, either from family or past relationships. No matter how loving a relationship was, it’s rare to leave without any bruises.
We harbor the traumas, disappointments, and fears of past romances and carry them into our new relationships like a basket full of deplorable.
Here is one scenario, let’s say your ex cheated, so now if your current partner doesn’t text you back within 10 minutes, you’re convinced he’s off on some island with a girl doing god knows what. You sit at home harboring jealousy and resenting what isn’t true.
This may not be your exact scenario, but there’s often a similar explanation when there are issues from the past.
And if you have had to access prospects based on some values, your ex had, relax.
Don’t judge yourself harshly.?We’ve all been there.
I have pushed people away simply because I feared they would hurt me as my ex did. What are my?saying? I still do it sometimes.
My relationship with my ex left me deeply insecure in many ways. However, I have managed to unpack some of my luggage. But it’s my common trigger for criticism, or, more commonly, perceived criticism, that has been hard to shake off.
I often compare a new boyfriend to my previous ones or turn down potential partners for some bullshit reason.
If you think that you may have some issues from the past to deal with, take time to explore them.
Reflect back on your past relationships and look for patterns.?If you need to get a professional, then do so.
When to know your baggage is affecting your current relationship
Current life events can trigger you to remember past events and how you felt about them. These feelings then come up and become entwined in your daily relationship.
Often, these feelings you may have are not very clear to your partner. When these feelings arise, your partner may be confused, disoriented, and not sure what and where these feelings are coming from.
You may not even be completely sure how the feelings came back; you just know they’re there.
There are several signs that show you have not put the past behind you, and these can manifest in the way you?behave towards your current partner.
#1. You have a fixed mindset.
If you still carry baggage from your past, you like to have a fixed personality.
You are more likely to associate rejection with your sense of self, believing that there is something?wrong with you.
Those who believed that the end of a relationship was a statement of who they were as a person were more likely to want to suppress the memory and not see it as a learning experience.
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#2. You are pessimistic about future prospects.
Holding on to past hurt also influenced how optimistic the participants were about future romantic prospects.
They worried the personality flaws that ruined their last relationship?would impact the next.
#3. You avoid committed relationships.
Some people push away the people they love, and sometimes they may do so because of a bad relationship or?childhood trauma.
Constantly pushing people away could also be a sign that you have an avoidant attachment style, which means you enter into relationships that will inevitably fail or push away anyone who is right for you.
That way you don’t let anyone hurt?you, but you won’t find happiness either.
#4. You do not trust easily.
Lack of trust can manifest in controlling and paranoid behavior.
If you have been cheated on in the past, you doubt your current partner’s intentions and feel insecure about their honesty and trustworthiness.
When a lack of trust seeps into your new relationships, this will lead to numerous arguments and even a?breakup.
Parting words
The damage and pain resulting from past relationships can cause many trust issues,?difficulty opening up, and anxiety.
An unresolved past causes anxiety and apprehension or discomfort, which can manifest physically through nervousness, rapid heartbeat, anger, upset stomach, or even disgust.
After a painful relationship, you can let the damage boil over and perpetuate it, or you can do the self-work to heal.
To overcome past trauma, you must break down your walls and defenses. The end goal is to stop projecting your ex’s behavior onto new partners.
Taking the time to learn about yourself and reflect on your past relationship can go a long way in making your next relationship a success.
About author
Jessey Anthony is a motivational speaker, fitness coach and relationship expert who helps people become confident in themselves in any challenges they face in life.?Sign up to my newsletter ?& more cool stuff.