Four Perspectives On Mental Health At Home And At Work

As Mental Health Awareness Month comes to a close, we’d like to celebrate our peers for taking that first step to vulnerability, connection and protecting their mental health. Below, four colleagues reflect on their struggles and how they prioritize mental health.

Oliver Wyman has a number of resources available to help support our employees' mental health, such as our Employee Assistance Program (available 24/7, free of charge) and peer-trained Wellbeing Champions.

Trigger warning: Mental health struggles, mention of terminal illness and abusive relationships

Caroline Gourri

Head of Knowledge Management Americas & APR, New York

I come from a culture of "stiff upper lip" and "putting on a brave face’" to push through hard times. A good (but also bad) example of this was when I was 20 and my father passed away after five years of a terminal illness. I was at university studying for my degree at the time and I never told any of my lecturers or took time away to process my grief.

After some reflection I realized that had been really unhealthy and wanted to change it for myself but also those around me, so I try and instill a culture of openness within my team: we work together and see each other every day. If I’m having a bad time, it may well translate in how I present at work, so I want those around me to be aware. Most recently my mother has been battling terminal cancer and I’ve been really up front with my team about what is happening, how I’m feeling and if there are times when I may be less available.

I think it’s built a level of trust with the team that I am also human and that they can share what’s happening in their lives with me. This has translated into many examples of sharing each other’s journey’s and having a much deeper connection with my team than I think I would have, had I not shared those things about myself.

Given I can really bottle up my feelings, especially in times of acute stress, I will sometimes quite intentionally stop and give myself space to cry. I find watching an emotional movie can usually help me get that release – something I find myself doing quite frequently on the transatlantic flights to and from the UK to see my mother. There is something about the anonymity of being on an airplane alone, whilst being surrounded by people, that I find comforting! Crying is nothing to be ashamed of - it is such a simple but effective way to release the pressure.

Outside of allowing myself time to cry, I use physical exercise as a great aid to mental health. As an introvert I like to run solo and in the mornings. I will often use this time to prepare for the day or process things that are on my mind. I often get my best ideas whilst running!

I think it’s important to take the time to figure out what works for you and ideally, share what you learn and are experiencing with those closest to you. It creates a more enriching and understanding world in my mind.

Jay Parker

CAVOK Senior Technical Specialist, Fort Worth

I grew up very rural Farm Ranch community, with a graduating class of seven.?Honestly, it was a culture where feelings were not discussed.

As a kid I was the odd man out, yet through the years, I always seemed to be the person that everyone privately felt like they could talk to,?even about what was on their hearts and minds.

In my world, my father was my role model, he never met a stranger, could find something in even the direst of times to make folks laugh, and was always there to defend those who could not defend themselves. He was a true servant to his community, friends, and family.?

As I have travelled through this journey called life, I have been blessed to share with folks in many venues, with them I have shared both the joys and tragedy that life brings.?For me, it was the joys of amazing relationships and incredible family dynamics, the sadness of my father and little sister’s passing, to the extremes of close friends that chose drastic measures to cope with personal challenges. Mental health has always been a resonating value in my path.?Mental wellness for me is a daily walk and near and dear to my heart.?

Life is a journey, a challenge, it is different for each one of us. That difference is truly what makes each and every one of us special.?Life experiences are meant to be shared. I believe it is in sharing that we find strength in others and ourselves.

Please do not be afraid, find the courage to share your challenges and your triumphs, as there are others that may be on a similar path who may benefit or be comforted by the interaction. Take the time to keep yourself healthy. But above all else, if you are in need, know there are people who care.

Reach out, there is always someone there, take the steps, you are not alone.

Ashley Villani

Inclusion, Diversity and Belonging Program Lead, New York

May is my birthday month and that was always cause for celebration in my family. But only this year did I learn that it’s also Mental Health Awareness month in the US. I’m not sure how I didn’t know this for so many years, but it’s likely not a coincidence that it found me as I’ve been looking for more ways to engage on this topic.

I’m so glad mental health is something we are talking about more openly now. I certainly talk about it more openly now.

After graduating college, I started hearing of friends that had therapists. I had gone to school for psychology. I wanted to be a counselor. But I never ever wanted to see a counselor. I didn’t want to come "undone" as I told my friends. I thought I needed to manage myself, by myself. I thought it said something about me that I couldn’t "fix" myself or perhaps really I was afraid to let someone in to see the truth.

I didn’t consider my mental health for a really long time. In fact I didn’t know I had "mental health" or unhealth as it turned out. I didn’t notice that I had negative self-talk, that I worried what I did wrong when any problem arose, that I couldn’t take a deep breath when stressed. This was all so “normal,” it didn’t register. I also didn’t know there was help around each corner, if I ever opened up to a soul. But I didn’t…until I found myself in a very abusive relationship, and kind souls found me.

I was lucky to trust the counselor connected with the District Attorney’s office. I doubt I would have invested in myself back then to search for someone else. I’ve been on a journey ever since. I now recognize my negative emotions and thoughts and I know my outlets to leverage – I feel calmer in nature, running has always been a release and opening up to others always feels better than I think it will. My self-care is still a work in progress, but I do it now intentionally.

I also now recognize relationships and dynamics that are toxic for me. I give my feelings voice and I allow them to guide me. I no longer feel beholden to others’ needs at the expense of my own. Or maybe I’m still a work in progress in this regard – but that is progress. I choose me now. I’m allowed to step away or to put up walls and protect myself. And I realize now, finally, I can truly say that I love myself. And, I’m going to care for myself.

I encourage everyone to find their outlets and to open up to someone. Know you are not alone. Please reach out for help if you need it. We all have our own journey and our own experiences, but at the core of it all we are one. We want to be valued for who we are and we want to make an impact.

Ashley Miele

Events Planner, New York

If you looked at me, you would never know I was dyslexic or the struggle it was growing up to have teachers even believe I had a learning disability. My mom would get the comment of “Oh there is nothing wrong with her, she is just lazy.” Well, that could not be any further from the truth. When it was finally figured out that I had?dyslexia, it was an interesting time, it also probably started a lot of the insecurities I’ve dealt with throughout life. When someone would hear I was dyslexic, after explaining what it was of course, they would point to a word and ask me what it said to see if I was lying or what words I may or may not know right on the spot which was so uncomfortable to deal with.

Having a learning disability can be a struggle as no one can see your disability; I have always struggled with self-doubt, feeling insecure about having a learning disability and if I am coming off as stupid at times.?The internal battle can be rough at times when it comes to the mental health aspect of life, at times it can turn into anxiety and stress, which in a cycle, will make the struggles I have with being dyslexic even worse. I used to be really ashamed of having dyslexia, I would try and hide it or not talk about it. There is a level of self-conscious that will always play a part in having a learning disability since it is not something anyone can physically see or truly understand how your brain may work in a different format than their own.

Mental health comes in so many forms and different things can sway you in either direction when it comes to dealing with mental health.

For me dealing with that internal struggle of, “am I good enough,” stems from many years of figuring out the right way to manage and vocalize that I have a learning disability but am still a very smart and capable person. Trying to find that balance of asking for help and doing things on your own, the anxiety of making mistakes, and coming off as someone who is not intelligent due to how you form a sentence or read something.

When I start to get super anxious or just mentally down on myself, the two things I have found that work for me are:

• Doing my makeup - funny enough it's my own creative way to do self-care. Feeling good, trying out a new eyeshadow look or just focusing on the process of applying everything is just relaxing to me.
• I also will try and surround myself with circle of people who have just been there and understand my brain. Finding those who I know I can trust and confide in is something that has been super powerful and important to me.?