Four harmful myths about dads on parental leave

When my partner and I decided to be parents, there was no doubt about sharing parental leave between me, the future dad and mom to be. We are both lucky to live in a country which gives 20 weeks of paid maternity leave plus an additional (also paid) 32 weeks of parental leave. That amounts to roughly one year of caregiving. If there is more than one baby born at once, the number of weeks increases. For comparison, the US does not guarantee any paid maternity or parental leave through a federal law.?

Still, it is unusual for dads to take parental leave in Poland, my home, and globally it is still not popular. Most men see changing diapers, bathing and feeding children as a woman's job. There are many reasons behind that, and that is why I shared my thoughts on that in my earlier articles. But this time I would like to focus on the minority of dads who take paternity leave, and are then judged by other dads and a community which in general is not used to fathers changing diapers at noon on a Monday, instead of answering yet another corporate email at the office.?

I got well prepared before asking my boss for paternity leave. In the end, this question is asked less often than questions about salary increases. Strange world, isn't it? Especially as the employer cannot refuse to grant the leave in many countries. Then with everything all set, I was not aware how many misconceptions about dads on parental leave I would encounter. Personally, it is a great treat to spend two full months with my baby boy. But during this time not everyone shared my enthusiasm. What surprised me the most is that many myths are spread by dads who are afraid to leave the office, and moms who somehow distrust their partners.?

You can’t trust dads with “your” children

Some believe that dads are not deserving trust to take care of a little baby. Surprisingly enough, some dads I talked to say that their kids need the utmost level of care that only moms can give. I think these people are very wrong, and it is just a convenience for them to say this. It is not as if I would leave my baby boy with some complete stranger or online nanny to go for a beer… I would never leave my baby boy alone with someone I was not completely comfortable with. Furthermore, I would not even leave my kid alone with someone I have known for years, if my child was not completely comfortable with them.?

Dads can’t have as strong bond with children as mothers do

Some greater power that created this world we live in, made a choice that females can give birth, not males. The heroic efforts women endure during pregnancy and childbirth are reserved just for them and undoubtedly create an incredible bond with a child. Since fathers do not carry the baby for nine months, give birth or breast-feed, the process of bonding is often slower and different. But the feelings can be just as strong as after giving birth, the little ones are ours, just as much as they are moms’. As Dr. William Sears, co-author of "The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby" says - Fathers can do everything but breast-feed.?

Dads are not nurturers?

People, including dads, who believe that dads are not nurturers, definitely have not seen a dad on parental leave in action. It is normal that our baby boy may sometimes prefer one parent over another, but it is not about who is ‘better’. Well, bath time is always daddy time, and I cannot pick up my little guy without kissing and hugging him. Of course nurturing goes beyond all the hugs and kisses: dads can nurture kids' spirit, confidence, education, and sometimes even sense of mischief. This last one is not generally the mom’s favorite (“What are you teaching him?!”). But who will do it if not dad?

Dads escape from work they can not deal with

Depending on the country, dads may get the possibility - from a few days, to weeks and months - of taking parental leave. As you may already know from my previous articles, not many dads take it. What’s more, those who decide to leave work for a longer period to put on the hat of a caregiver, sometimes are judged as avoiding work. Most mothers will say that caregiving is work 24/7, so dads exchange one type of work for another. Secondly, dads who take parental leave know their value on the job market, and even months out of office will not change that.?

Dads are not better than moms. And moms are not better than dads. Either partner in any type of relationship having a child is not better than the other. Parenting is not a competition, unlike most things in your professional life. Please do not work against your partner in raising your kids, but work together. And if someone tells you that dads are not good enough to be caregivers, just take that paternity leave anyway and do not listen to them, you will thank me (no joke). The fact that dads and moms parent differently is a benefit for the whole family, like diversified teams in the office.?

What is your experience about the myths surrounding paternity leave in your country? I wonder what kind of misconceptions are popular in countries other than my native Poland. I encourage you to write a comment below and start a discussion.?

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This article is a part of a mini series written during my 2-months parental leave. The topics covered during this time period are not the usual ones as I write about banking, technology, and startups. Feel free to comment or reach out to me directly with any questions. Please note that this article expresses my personal opinion and is not sponsored by anyone. It does not necessarily represent the view of my employer.