The four happiness essentials from Harvard's Arthur Brooks

Arthur Brooks is a Harvard professor, a PhD social scientist, best-selling author and columnist at The Atlantic magazine. ?And when he was 26 years old, he experienced a pivotal moment when he feared he might kill his future wife.

“I was a smoker and I almost set my bed on fire one night,” Arthur remembers.?“I was engaged, and I said to myself, ‘It’s one thing to kill myself, but it’s something else to kill the woman I’m about to marry. Because sooner or later, I’m not going to be alone here, and I don’t want a fire.’”

How he successfully quit smoking (and successfully preserved the life of his bride of now thirty years) is a cornerstone of Arthur’s approach to the pursuit of happiness and becoming a more effective leader.

“There’s a part of the brain called the nucleus accumbens that governs automatic ability and all your habits whether they’re rhetorical or physical habits,” he says.

For instance, when you go to work and you don’t remember driving there, Arthur explains that’s because your nucleus accumbens was your chauffeur and you were occupying your prefrontal cortex with other things like listening to music or talking on the phone.

?But, this part of your brain also governs your bad habits. So, you can’t fight against it as it will always win against your will power.

?Instead of fighting a bad habit, Arthur encourages us to find a substitute.

?“Like the way you can substitute refined sugar with honey which is slightly better for you,” he says

?Or the way the then 26-year-old Arthur chose to take a walk as a substitute for that urge to light up another fag.

?Sharing many lessons from his life, career and his latest best-selling book, From Strength to Strength, earlier this month Arthur led a master class for Irish business leaders at Kilkea Castle hosted by Timoney Leadership Institute.

?I meet Arthur the morning he is set to fly back to his home in Boston. He tells me he spends most of his time deprogramming people from their instincts. ?

?MOTHER NATURE LIES

In fact, after a particular participant raised their hand and challenged, “What’s wrong with my instincts?” Arthur shares with me he thinks it helped him land on the title of his next book.

?“It will likely be The World Lies, because Mother Nature lies to you about your happiness. She wants you to pass along your genes. She doesn’t care at all that you’re happy. If you want to be happy, you can’t do what feels good all the time.

?“People think, ‘I have an urge to get money. I have an urge to get power. I have an urge to have a lot of pleasure, to accumulate honor or admiration and I want to be happy so therefore doing those things must be the things that will bring happiness.’ and they make a misbegotten connection. The truth of the matter is until you stand up to Mother Nature you’re not going to find the source of your bliss.

?Arthur contends that the bad four habits most of us chase: ?money, power, pleasure and fame won’t satisfy us in the long run.

?Back to the substitution solution, he goes on: “We need to substitute these with four good habits which will satisfy us. They are faith, family, friends and work that serves other people.?We must be unbelievably ambitious about them.”

?FAITH

“As a social scientist,” Arthur says, “faith or life philosophy simply means something transcendental to your individual life.

?He stated contends that one of the biggest reasons for frustration we may feel in life is because we spend so much time focused on dinner and the commute and getting the kids to school that we don’t make time to zoom out and get perspective and the peace that comes with that.

?“I work very closely with the Dalai Lama. He says to get a transcendental view of life, you need to examine your beliefs, you need a contemplative practice, and you need to read the wisdom literature.”

?However, most people, according to Arthur, never do this.?“They don’t know what they really believe. They don’t pray or meditate or even walk out in nature.?They don’t read anything profound.”

?FAMILY ?

“One in six Americans does not talk to a family member right now because of politics and that’s pure pride,” says Arthur. “That is insanity for your happiness. God knows you don’t choose them. The point is stop talking about politics.?Aunt Marge, despite all her awful politics, will take my phone call at 2 a.m. because blood is so thick. Politics shouldn’t matter. It’s the love we have for each other.”

??FRIENDS

The number of friends is less important than the intensity according to Arthur. But in the business world, these need to be “Real friends. Not deal friends. The reason CEOs are so lonely is they only have deal friends,” he explains. ?“If you’re the boss, you need a friend outside. Your real friend can’t fire you and you can’t fire them.”

?WORK THAT SERVES OTHER PEOPLE

“Only two things bring satisfaction from work. One, is the belief that your hard work is being rewarded and the other is believing that your work is helping people,” says Arthur.

?When we can see the faces of the people we touch and who need us, it can transform a job that we hate into a job that we love.?