Four Classic Mistakes To Avoid When Dealing With Negative Team Members

All managers have had one in their team at one time or other: a person who is great at their job but who undermines the atmosphere; someone your other team members have a hard time dealing with.

Before you intervene, it’s worth taking a look at these common mistakes many managers make in this situation:?

1.???? Ignoring it. You may have told yourself that your team members are grown up professionals and should be able to handle it themselves. “There are grumpy people in all walks of life,” you thought, "this will be a life lesson to the others. They need to develop their own ways of reacting appropriately.”?

Why is this not wise? Most team members deal with with negative colleagues by avoiding them, pretending the situation doesn’t bother them, while it actually does. When they hear that other colleagues think the same, it will only validate their dissatisfaction and increase the hidden frustration in the team. Don’t be surprised if people start to leave.?

2.???? Minimizing

your contact with them and choose more inspiring people when handing out plum projects. Negative people like this can drain your energy as a manager and your natural inclination may well be to focus on the team members who bring positivity.

Why is this not wise? Firstly, that person is going to notice that you are favouring others above them, which can create animosity. Secondly, you avoid the reality that this person may have important feedback about things happening in the department. This is information you need to know.?

3.???? Confronting the person on their negativity.?Seeing it as your responsibility to solve the situation is admirable. However, don't rush into having a conversation until you know what you want to say and how you want to say it.

By confronting the person on their negativity you step into a judgement which is by definition subjective and therefore clouded. If you fall into the trap of your own emotional thinking, your opinion will shine through whatever you say, and before you know it you will have a conflict on your hands, spoken or unspoken.?

4.???? Firing them. If the situation has been going on for a while and you sense the urgency to clean up the atmosphere in the team, you may be tempted to consider drastic measures.

Why is this not wise? This is a draconian solution which has consequences on the sense of safety in the team and should never be the first measure you consider. This won’t be the last brilliant jerk you encounter, and if you don’t learn how to deal with them you will find yourself facing the same struggle in the future.

So, I hear you wondering, what should you do??

1. Establish a culture of learning

If you create a team culture in which it is accepted that everyone works on developing themselves and learning, everyone in the team will be far better equipped to handle cynical colleagues. The result? The cynical team members will be taken less seriously than those who contribute constructively.

You want to be clear from the start that everyone in the organisation, including you, is in their role in order to learn and develop themselves. And remember that your job as manager is to facilitate that process, which includes setting the example in willingness to learn, including from your mistakes.

Doing that will create the conditions in which everyone is honest, open and willing to learn from both what is going well and what is not going well. And in which everyone is willing to correct where necessary. This can be quite scary for people, but if you do it well team members will give each other positive and negative feedback on a regular basis.? ?

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2. Apply communication styles

It is critical to know that person’s communication style, which will allow you to interpret their behaviour accurately. You might well be reading things wrongly. Monosyllabic answers are often seen as rude or a sign of grumpiness. But, depending on the communication style, it can be a sign that someone is feeling fine and focussed. Some communication styles tend to be very short in their communication when they are feeling on top of the world!.

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3. Check for disappointments and handle them

Cynicism, grumpiness or overruling others can be a symptom of a past disappointment that hasn’t been dealt with well, so you want to check if there is something the person is still carrying, and, if so to hear them out. Listen carefully.

If, as often happens, you get a flood of opinions and emotion, you want to guide the conversation so they get to the facts. Make sure you hear ALL the relevant details. And then ask them what they suggest. Here it’s essential that you don’t sound defensive, or things may escalate.

Once you have done this correctly a few times your confidence will rise and you will be able to run these conversations in an authentic way.

Daunted? Don’t be!

Daunted? I get it. It sounds like a tall order. But the thing is, nobody was born knowing how to do all this, and those who are good at it weren’t born like that either. They learned it. You can learn all this much faster than you think. If you want to develop your skills and self confidence in handling the human stuff, we can help. Within months you could be handling the human stuff in a relaxed, authentic way like a true professional.

Learn to use and work with communication styles

Are you eager to start upgrading your soft skills as soon as possible? Learn and practice the most important soft skill in the 1-day Humanication training Let's Talk. Once you learn how to use communication styles in your day-to-day conversations you will be able to prevent most misunderstandings and tension before they even arise. You will wonder why you ever found some people difficult and your soft skills journey will be well underway. Click here for more info.

Webinar: The Hidden Challenges In Leading and Managing Teams

Most of the issues in any team are about what is not said: all the opinions, assumptions, fears, hopes, disappointments and expectations going on all the time under the surface. In my book The Geeks Guide To Work I call it the "Human Stuff". Several times a year we have a meeting for leaders in which we got into how the hidden human stuff influences specific aspects of running teams, like Burnout and Stress-Related Sickleave, Culture, Ownership and Responsibility. If you want to receive an invitation for this private 1.5 hour online session, click here to put yourself on the list.

Personal consult for people managers

Do you want to discuss a specific Human Stuff challenge your are facing in your team to examine what may be causing it? Once the underlying sources of the issue are clear, the next question is whether a training or coaching could help, and if so, what will create the outcome you are looking for? Click here to book a one-hour appointment with me, free of charge.