A Founder’s Story About Committing

After my wife and I got married, we went on our honeymoon in Alabama. We stayed in a relative’s house right on the Gulf in the middle of the summer and it was awesome. You could watch storms roll in across the water, and the beach was sprawled out in front of you, and we never wanted to leave.

One day, my relative called to ask how it was going. During the call they apologized for the awful railing on the deck. The wood was splinting and posts were missing, and it did make you feel like you could fall off at any moment. So, in all my sun melted mind of wisdom, I decided to offer to fix it. It was the least I could do…

I can’t explain why I made this offer. Perhaps I was thankful for the visit, or maybe I thought it would be fun, but fixing it was not a simple task. The whole railing needed to be fully replaced, along with the pillars, and I had never built a railing before. I’d especially never built a railing on a multi-story house in peak of summer, without shade, in South Alabama. But, I planned it all out, bought all the wood, the tools necessary, and I was ready.

And, then I stood there holding a circular saw looking down at the old and increasingly fine looking railing. I stood there for quite some time because for the first time, I became aware of the choice in the moment. If I made that cut then I knew that I’d have to finish. There would be no safety net and no turning back.

Perhaps it was having just gotten married and the responsibilities of adulthood were finally coming into focus, or maybe it was fear, but in that second, I knew the power and responsibility of a choice.

Making a decision is often a vague kind of thing. If one day we try a new cereal, we aren’t deciding right then to never eat our old cereal again, even if that’s what later unfolds. We’re just trying something simple, something small.

Starting a company these days is not hard. Building the product is not overly difficult. Even spending a 1000 hours on designs, marketing, and stories is not the worse thing. So, to me, these things are just small efforts and not the definite “choice”.

To me, that moment of commitment comes when you take money from a customer. It’s like passing someone on the highway. There’s instantly a social contract that is established, and you’ve taken on that responsibility.

And, so I have never made that choice.

On the one hand, I feel shame about this, or maybe foolish. Why can’t I make that leap? On the other hand, I don’t think I was ready. Five times I’ve started down the startup path. Always using my nights or weekends and never jeopardizing my day job. Looking back at the products I had built, for most I think I made the right choice, but for others, it’s much more vague.

Building a startup as the sole provider for a family is next to impossible. For people who’ve done it, I have the utmost respect. If they also managed to see their children for more than a few minutes a day, I consider them gods.

But, this is what I’m trying to do now because I can’t give up on this need to build. I once read a quote from some famous writer who said, “If you don’t have to write, then don’t.” The point was that for some, there was no luxury of not writing. They had to do it. When it comes to building a company, I know so many people who can clock out at five o’clock and then play video games for hours. How? I do not understand how these people can do things that do not build towards something greater.

In the end, I did cut through that railing and rebuilt the entire thing in 3 days. My wife helped a few times, but it was mostly just me enduring the heat and pressure of wondering and learning how to reinforce suspended posts, or how to cut angles into a 6x6 for corner posts, or the mind-numbing cutting and drilling of a hundred plus 1x1s, or a dozen other unexpected aspects. At one point, I found myself hanging over the edge with my wife holding my legs as I screwed a two and half foot bolt through the entire sub-floor to secure the outer ledge that was separating. I also learned the power of commitment and perhaps my own capabilities.

Here is the house, with my railing, still standing 14 years later (through multiple hurricanes).

With my current startup, I am about a month away from that choice. A month away from that moment I have to cut and when I’ll begin offering my product to people. I’m feeling hopeful, confident even. I’ve taken everything I’ve learned from my past and put it towards this new venture. I also decided on my current idea by prioritizing everything I love, and finding an idea that lets me do those things.

We shall see.

— To be continued.