Foundational Fridays -- Give Grace

Christians think of grace as getting what we don't deserve, while mercy is withholding what we do. I don't mean this to be a theological or religious discussion or discourse, rather understanding how truly powerful given grace is in practical and purposeful practice.

This week, while working with a client and their executive leadership team, we were drinking deeply about human-centered leadership. We did so through two lenses. First, through deeply detailed and driven objective research done by my parent company, Gartner. The other was applying my lessons learned from leading people and teams for the past 30 years.

One of the mighty menageries of things I have learned, from Gartner's peer-reviewed scholarship (among others); from reading the collective works of world-renowned leadership lions and relationship researchers, like John C. Maxwell, Patrick Lencioni, Jim Lohr, Dr. Amy Edmondson, Dr. Brene Brown, Dr. C. Terry Warner; and my own experiences, is the pure power of grace.

Grace, or if you will, compassion we grant to ourselves and freely give to others. In this context, I mean understanding in both our personal and professional lives, we all make mistakes. Put another way, we have miscues, missteps, or mistakes in our lives. Across many years in the Air Force, and beyond, we apply the "as long as it isn't unethical, illegal, or immoral" rule of thumb. In short, when the action or activity doesn't fall into one of those three categories where different responses may well be required, give grace.

Every single post and position I've held in my professional life has visited those three "m's" highlighted above. I had to give myself grace to learn the necessary lesson, or lessons and move forward. Failure isn't fatal unless with fail to pick up and continue driving forward. Being able to give ourselves grace, not excusing poor performance or bad behavior, allows and affords the ability to extend the same to others.

I have been my most demanding boss and critic. I had to learn to grant myself some grace so that I could learn lessons, apply them, and grow as a leader. The same goes for those I lead. That doesn't mean accountability isn't applied, or zero consequence for poor choices. That still matters because leadership isn't about being "liked", it is about holding to high (not impossible!) standards, and developing others to become the best versions of themselves.

I have said and shared for years that leadership isn't about building one's legacy so that they are remembered or revered; it is about developing other leaders. My aim has long been to make those I lead better than me so that when they replace me, the mission moves forward without me.

A little grace goes a very, very long way. Today, reading Dana Perino's quote was a great reminder that words can be weaponized. Taking time to think through how we will respond to our teammates when they have a miscue, misstep, or mistake will define how people both react to and recognize our leadership style.

John C. Maxwell (and others in minor variation) are quoted as having said or written, "People will not remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel." Giving grace ensures people know that you care about them. Mistakes will happen, perfection is impossible though we aim to be the best we can be, and also while our tolerance has limits, the boundaries are not binary.

Give yourself, and others, the gift of grace.