The foul stench of insincerity

I've said for the longest time that introverts can detect fakery a mile off. But at the moment, I don't even have to turn on my spidey senses to detect the truckloads of BS.

It arrives by the truckload these days and the stench is disgusting!

This last couple of weeks, I have noticed a huge increase in insincere direct messaging and emails, all of them cold and speculative.?

If you think sales is purely a numbers game, you're missing the point.

And I've noticed a pattern in the sudden influx of emails via my website. They typically start by congratulating me on the great job I'm doing with introverts, and following that by saying that my website demonstrates great authority.

And then, in the blink of an eye, they are pitching services to me that are not even relevant.

Whoever is teaching this stuff, please STOP.

Have you not heard of the saying 'People buy people'?

And, PSA, introverts are notoriously hard to 'sell to'.

Thank goodness for that.

We like to buy, so help us to do that rather than pitching to us. Given that we make up around 50% of any population, that's potentially a lot of business you're missing out on.

Along these lines, our national news channels last week were aghast that a hairdresser was offering silent appointments.

I was silently cheering when I heard this news item.

Listening to a lunchtime radio show while travelling, the host and his guests were exploring both sides of the issue. For balance, they had some hairdressers call in and a couple of clients.

One or two of the hairdressers said that they would just feel too awkward having to be silent, but it's not really about the hairdresser is it?

I'm not suggesting that it's ok for clients to be rude, but basic diversity training would divest them of the notion that everyone wants to talk.

I want to look forward to the whole experience of going to the hairdresser. Resting for an hour, having a head massage, and seeing my hair look shiny again.

What I'm not looking for is for my batteries to be further drained while I'm paying for the privilege.

One of the hairdressers on the radio phone-in said that during the consultation, she always asks her clients if they want conversation or not.

Choice my friends, choice.

And that's a step in the right direction.

Whilst I have now formed a professional friendship with my hairdresser, I've been her client for years, when we talk, it's not just to pass the time of day. We know bits about each other's lives and show compassion and consideration to each other. We tend to discuss current affairs, what is impacting us, and how we might control or influence the situation.

Sadly, I know what we'll be talking about at this week's appointment - the sudden death of my dear, dear friend who I always visited straight afterwards.

And as usual, our meetup was planned for this week too, except I won’t get to take her to lunch, or the garden centre, or shopping this week.

Or ever again.

And right now, I'm struggling with that.

She is the one who sent me a birthday card with the words 'Friends are the family you choose' on the front.

And that was very true for both of us.

We'd been there for each other, through thick and thin, good times and bad, as the sayings go for over 30 years. And on balance, she'd had more than her fair share of bad times.

And yet, we always managed to find something to laugh about, even if it was just ourselves and our ageing bodies.

That sort of attitude and authenticity smells sweet, and I shall miss her so much.

“Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.” Eleanor Roosevelt

You see, authenticity creates trust, trust builds relationships and relationships offer opportunities.

So, when you're thinking about how to influence someone, how to get the upper hand, and how to get what you need, please remember to get to know people first. Be sincere in your communications and dealings with people. It might not be fashionable, but it never goes out of favour.??

And if you think you don’t have time, that it's all about business, know that your business is with people and by ignoring that single detail you're making your life harder in many ways and limiting your success.?

So let us first invest in understanding people, building relationships, establishing trust and becoming an asset they want to buy from, be around, and feel the need for.

Selling is an art for sure, and we introverts, often thinkers by nature buy from people whose art is about,

• how they make us feel,
• how they invest their time in us,
• How they add value in our life.

It is often the only way we make our buying decisions - where integrity and sincerity stand taller than all else.