A formula for writing a successful maid of honour or bridesmaid speech

If writing a speech for your best buddy's wedding day is causing you sleepless nights, and delivering public addresses is foreign territory, this guide might help. I’ve assisted plenty of maids of honour in writing their address with this basic formula.

If you're naturally charismatic, love a microphone and enjoy the spotlight - there's plenty of inspiration for good speeches on TikTok. This guide is more for the timid first-timer.

Let's start with some ground rules.

Make it all about the bride.

Add a dedicated section, towards the end, about the groom or the other bride in a same sex marriage, but make the majority of the speech about the bride. I’ve heard and read a couple of speeches over the years which are ostensibly about the bride but really end up being all about the bridesmaid, littered with insular anecdotes and resulting in awkward irrelevance to the audience. The formula below will help you avoid this.

Make the crowd gush and laugh in equal quantities.?

Your job is to celebrate the bride’s personality, character and bond over her recognisable traits. You can have some fun but you also need to make everyone nostalgic over her too. Identify key attributes of the bride that those who know her will recognise as true. Dive deep into the memory bank to collect colourful tales for retelling. It goes without saying that weddings are usually respectful affairs, so swearing, filthy stories, overtly illicit tales can be off-putting for your audience. A skillful speaker will allude to any atrocious behaviour without spelling it out, so that those in the know nod along and those who are not can remain blissfully unaware.?

Get the crowd onside early.?

Let the crowd know via non-verbal cues when you want them to laugh, cry, applaud or coo. This requires confidence in delivery. Be prepared for some self-reflection, literally. You’re going to rehearse ten times in front of the mirror. You’re going to know it so well that you won’t need prompts. And you’re going to be so comfortably delivering it that everyone thinks you’re a paid professional.?

Formula for writing the maid of honour speech

There are five key phases to the structure of a good bridesmaid speech.?

1| The highly-agreeable statement.?

Early on, you want to get comfortable with the mic, get the audience onside, and evoke a positive reaction. You want them to start to work with you by recognising moments to clap, laugh, sigh etc. So, the first trick is don’t start by introducing yourself, you can do that in a moment. Start with an agreeable compliment for the bride. Sure. it’s a bit of a cop out, but it’s true right, she will look magnificent! You want to start along the lines of: “Leading up to today, of course I’d seen the dress, and I’ve seen [bride name] dress up for big occasions before, but nothing could prepare me just how magnificent/beautiful/divine she looks today. Don’t you agree?” Then PAUSE. Don’t rush into your next statement. You want to crowd to agree by way of applause. Once you have this statement out of the way, you’ve accomplished three things: you’ve won the audience over, they know when and how you want them to react, and you’ve become comfortable with the microphone. Then you can introduce yourself and give context to your relationship with the bride.

2| The first impression.

You need to bond with the crowd over the key characteristics of the bride. You will need to sit down and write out some of the key phrases people familiar with the bride would use to describe her. Ask colleagues, friends, family. Some flattering qualities (loyal, dedicated, kind, ambitious, stylish, intelligent) as well as some less flattering qualities (clumsy, routinely late, bossy). It is crucial that the five characteristics you choose are recognisable to others as qualities of the bride, otherwise you’ll be describing attributes and anecdotes that no one relates to. Once you choose say three flattering qualities and two less-so, you need to prepare anecdotes.The first characteristic you should discuss is the most overt one; the first impression you had of the bride whether you met in preschool, high school, the workplace or a sporting team. Describe that first encounter using colour and imagery, take the audience to that first meeting.?

3| The second key characteristic.

Identify another known attribute of the bride, and retell an anecdote as evidence. For the next few characteristics you can move into less serious anecdotes and get the crowd laughing, remembering that while the memory itself is funny the retelling will need to be crafted for others to enjoy it too. Tell the anecdotes in front of people who don’t know the bride and register their response to gauge how effective the story is.?

4| The third key characteristic.

Rinse and repeat the above.?

5| The positive impact of the groom.

Finally, you want to finish back on a gentle note by recalling the profound impact of the groom/bride on the bride’s life. You might want to tell a brief chronological history of their courting, or talk about her first impressions of him, or cover the moment she knew he was a keeper. Either way, the end of the speech should achieve the same as the start, get the audience to react on cue. Finish with a toast.?

Rehearsing the maid of honour speech

When editing your speech, you want to constantly tighten the language so that you’re not saying more than you need to in order to adequately retell an anecdote or describe a characteristic. You may end up delivering the speech verbatim (word-for-word), and so we want the words to be expertly crafted. Or you may end up just referencing the key points and speaking more freely. Either way, you want to know enough to speak clearly, confidently and know you’ve done the best for your bride.?The best way to do this is to stand in front of a full length mirror with a prop microphone. Deliver the speech daily, and certainly a few times the day before.?

You should notice a couple of things

• A pause that might seem to go for 5 seconds to you really lasts a millisecond.?
• You don’t smile nearly as much as you think you do.?A smile is infectious. Everyone will join in.?
• You’re not moving as much as you could.?

So, what should you do to nail it?

• Practice smiling frequently (sometimes I even write a smiley face into my speeches so I remember to smile).?
• Practice bold, confident pauses (maybe write [PAUSE] into the drafts).?
• Practise feeling comfortable speaking, walking, holding a microphone and constantly, though not erratically, moving your eye contact around the room.?

When you’re starting to feel good, deliver the speech to people you trust ( never the bride) including people who do and do not know the bride.

Timing of a maid of honour speech

5-10 minutes is sufficient, but every moment should be entertaining, interesting and engaging.

Delivering a maid of honour speech

Enjoy it. This is a pretty extraordinary moment in a friendship; it’s your priceless gift to your dear friend on a momentous day. Have the notes nearby if you need them, even on an electronic device (on flight mode so calls and messages don’t interrupt… imagine!) or in a small notebook. Large pieces of paper look terribly out-of-place amidst all the perfected stationery at a wedding.?

If audience members ask for a copy of your speech at the end, you know you’ve nailed it.?