The Formula for Influence

You’re on stage, with a waiting audience.

You’re seated in front of a panel, ready to hear why you’re the perfect fit for the job.

You’re a new hire leading your first meeting in a room of seasoned employees.

You’re sitting at a restaurant too hip for you awaiting a date who’s out of your league.

In each of these situations, you are in a position where people are ready to hear what you have to say. And your future relies on you speaking eloquently and adapting on your feet. How do you make sure that they’re going to listen to you? And more than that, how are you going to convince them to do what you ask of them?

As it so happens, there are three steps that go into influencing people which are relevant in all of these situations. 

1. Getting people to like you

2. Helping them understand their pain in relation to your topic

3. Explaining how you can help them eradicate said pain

Now, there are no shortcuts to influencing people. If you’re thinking of any that would fall in the category of manipulation, which is not something we’re interested in. However, there are proven tactics that, if implemented, will not only place you in a position of authority but give your words power. And after that, you’ll be able to present an effective call-to-action that will always be successful.

Step 1: Getting people to like you

This step is, in many ways, the foundation for the next two. It’s about self-awareness as well as being aware of those around you.

By being aware of how you conduct yourself whenever there are people around you, you will set yourself up for success. Now, obviously, you’ll be yourself. I’m not saying you need to conduct yourself in a professional manner 24/7, but let’s use the following example to help you understand what I mean.

You’re speaking at an event. You’re nervous and excited, but on the way over, you got caught in some unexpected traffic. You’ll make in on time but only if you rush and it’s still going to be a close call. As you get near the auditorium, you cut a couple of people off because that’s your exit and you absolutely cannot miss it. One of the drivers flips you off in the process and you send him a dirty look. After all, you’re normally a very safe driver, and this is an emergency! You get to the stage with less than a minute to spare, put on your performance face and walk on. Your speech is on point. Your message rings true. It’s a success! One problem. The guy you cut off is actually the assistant to the CEO of a big company, and he recognizes you. He complains of your driving skills to his buddies, two of whom happen to be people you were hoping to set up a speaking gig at their company. They’re all put off, and all of a sudden, your speech has become unsuccessful. Why? Because now, they don’t like you.

But you’re not a public speaker, so how does this impact you? The above scenario works just as well for interviews, dates, work meetings, and your personal life. If you know you’ll be in proximity to people whom you hope to influence in one way or another, don’t wait till you arrive to start being ‘good’. Start before. Preparation is your friend on this one. 

If you’re thinking that this only works well because I’ve crafted the example myself, let’s take a look at an actual event that exemplifies the same thing. The tweet below was posted by one of Marvel’s talent scouts. He’s at a comic convention. This is the kind of place where people come to get scouted…if you don’t prepare, you could miss a huge opportunity, as these four did:

Don’t be one of those dudes.

The other aspect of this step is the importance of appearance. Now, this is not to be confused with the notion that your self-worth is based on how you look. What I’m trying to get across is that people make snap judgments based on your attire, expressions, and overall appearance. And that’s something you have control over. There are some steps that will help no matter where you are or who you are talking to.

- proper hygiene  

- clean clothes

- pleasant expression 

There is plenty of room for creativity and self-expression. However, knowing your target audience should help you in the actual design process of your wardrobe and hairstyle. Should it be business professional, hair out of the face, no visible tattoos or piercings? Or is it a highly creative group so that wearing a suit is what makes you out of place? By knowing your audience, you’ll be able to dress in a way that allows them to connect with you in the first few seconds of your interaction.

Step 2: Helping them understand their pain in relation to your topic

This step is also broken down into two sub-steps. 

The first one comes down to connecting with your audience. You need to be able to explain your topic — whether it be on stage, talking about your college success story, or explaining why you’re applying for a job. You need to do it in such a way that they can connect with you in mind and heart. Don’t roll your eyes! When I say mind and heart, I mean you need to appeal to their logic as well as to their emotions.

The way you do this is with statistics and stories. 

Statistics give you authority—so long as they’re from reliable sources—and stories pull at their heartstrings. Combined, you are able to position yourself to explain their pain points, and for them to be able to agree with you. In order for you to be able to do this, you need to have a solid understanding of not just the topic, but of your target audience and how your topic pertains to them. Do your research. Now, this might make sense to you in an interview set-up, but if you are giving a talk or a presentation to a group of co-workers from a different branch, how do you go about doing this?

Stories are all about the details. This is not to be confused with the concept that stories are all details. You don’t want to bore your audience with information that isn’t pertinent. But using the right details in the right spot brings the story to life and allows your audience to feel present within it. 

Let’s say you’re on stage, talking about how you beat the odds and got accepted into Harvard. How do you utilize both stories and statistics to connect with your audience?

"42,742. That’s how many applications Harvard received for the 935 available positions. I’m not sure which number in that 42,742 my application was. But I do know that on my list of schools to apply for, it was my first option—and my last. It was the only school I applied to because I only had enough money to pay for the registration fee for one school—and that was only possible because top ramen became my meal of the day for lunch and dinner.

I got into Harvard, and I haven’t eaten instant Raman since. Here’s how I did it."

Above is an example of how you blend both statistics and stories (I did not go to Harvard for anyone wondering). It was written with the idea of giving a speech, but the principles remain the same whether you’re talking to hundreds of people, or two. 

Now, onto the second sub-step.

When you’re influencing someone (or a group of people) there needs to be a reason. We call this reason a pain point. A pain point is simply a problem that they are dealing with. It can be serious enough that they are searching for an answer already, or it’s a problem they aren’t necessarily aware is impacting them as much as it is. By connecting with them in mind and heart, you are able to show them their pain point in relation to your topic. Because you are utilizing both research and stories to do this, you’re placing yourself as an expert who can help. 

"If you don’t fit the qualifications of the school you’re looking for, it doesn’t mean you won’t be accepted. Most times, we create the limits we believe in. It’s a part of our human nature. I was the same way. That’s why I created this course. It won’t help you get accepted into the school of your dreams. It will help you understand your true potential and how to utilize that in the admission process. Don’t just be a part of 14,742 but of the 935 as well. Don’t shoot down your dreams because you think you can’t do it. You can. I could, and I did."

Step 3: Fix their problem with an effective call-to-action

Now, when you’ve connected with them and have them believe you to be a source of authority on your topic, you don’t want to leave them with just information. A successful call-to-action gets your potential customers to take that next step. 

What does a call-to-action look like?

• If you’re giving a speech, getting them to follow you on social media
• If you’re interviewing for a job, setting up a second interview — or landing the job
• If you’re leading a meeting, making sure all members are going to accomplish their new tasks
• If you’re on a date, setting a time to meet again

Now, let’s be clear about something. A call-to-action is you asking someone to do something for you. This can be extremely subtle or asked plainly, but at the end of the day, you’re convincing people to do an action that benefits you. This, at its core, is influence. If you want your influence to last, you’re going to want to make sure that whatever you’re convincing them of is not only authentic but delivers what you promise. Otherwise, that conversion will be short-lived. 

So how to utilize the first two steps to situate yourself for a successful follow-through on your call-to-action? 

It all comes down to framing—and not the kind you use for pictures. This quote sums it up perfectly: “People don’t buy products. They buy results.” 

This means that when you’re setting up your call-to-action, what you want to do is tell them what the end result will look like if they follow through on your call-to-action. What sounds more powerful in these examples?

A) “this program is so good. You’ll learn a lot. It’s a great learning tool.”

B) "You’re a master of SEO. Not only do you know how to best optimize your online presence, but you’re so good it takes you half the time your competitors are spending on it. Sound appealing? Click the link to the program below and become the expert you’ve been searching for."

An example of a solid call-to-action to our made-up scenario is as follows: 

"Imagine walking into your corner office, opening your laptop, and sipping your coffee as you prepare for your meeting. This was the dream you conceived when you were back in high school. That means that right now, you have that dream. That college can make that dream a reality, but you have to get there first. I went through the process, and I know I have what it takes to help you with the exact same thing. Give me your email — that’s it, and I will send you the step-by-step process you need to take those steps. If you need more help, I’m a phone call away. Don’t sell yourself short."

Let’s summarize. 

Knowing that anyone you talk to could open a door of opportunity should help you shape your attitude towards strangers in any given situation. Knowing who you want to target will give you ideas on how you want to present yourself. Having an intimate understanding of your topic (whether that be what you do for work or who you are as a person) will help you connect with your audience in mind and heart. That enables you to show them their pain point in relation to your topic. After that, you’ll be able to present a call-to-action that will help them alleviate said pain. And that, my friend, is how you influence people.