The Formula for Happiness: the 3 C Words

I've spent many years helping people enjoy life more, make work more satisfying, and create greater happiness. There's a formula I come back to time and time again which makes sense to me. In the time of post-Covid, populism, increased division, and AI changing the nature of work for many we need to, indeed must, consider what really makes us happy and what truly bolsters and sustains our mental health more than ever.

Here are the 3 C's of happiness and some suggestions for specific actions you can take now to increase your sense of self-worth, purpose, belonging, and happiness.

1. Connection

As social animals, our brains are designed to connect with approximately 150 people. Typically we'll have 3-5 'close' connections we trust and rely on, a larger group of 'friends' (perhaps 10-30) we choose to spend time with, and an extended group of 'acquaintances' we know by association. There are no exact numbers but if you feel you have a healthy group of connections the numbers probably break down as above.

It can be possible to have too many connections or to have many connections of poor quality that can feel draining and unsatisfying. A feeling of overload can come from trying to pander to too many people's perceived needs and wants. Thousands of connections on social media will not make you happier and can be detrimental.

What can you do now and in the coming months to keep your connections healthy?

• Make sure you have ways to keep actively in touch with close friends and ideally, that group of 10-30 you enjoy spending time with. Technology has a lot to offer here but be proactive about it. Who could you call today that you would otherwise wait until you bumped into them down the pub?
• Stop wasting time on people on social media that either you don't know or serves no real purpose. Building your business network is one thing but relying on feeling good because your network has grown another X amount each day doesn't serve you.
• Connect at the level of values, i.e., what really matters to you and your connections behind the behaviour you see. True connection means that you value something in your lives that you share even though that value may express itself in many different ways. You don't have to share all the same values but deep connection comes from sharing a few deeply held values. If you struggle with the above then find a good coach who can help you identify your core values and help you find ways to have these values show up more in your life.

2. Community

Amongst your many connections you'll probably find that they group in various ways, i.e., there is some common interest that goes beyond the individual. Perhaps it's a sports team, maybe a religious faith or maybe you're a member of a walking group. Perhaps it's the same people you see dog walking every day? For me it's family, the people I work with and the golf club where I play regularly that gives me the greatest sense of community.

Community is one of the things that gives us a sense of purpose and identity. A sense of belonging that is so important to being a human being. Community is partly what makes up our identity. When someone asks you, "What do you do?" you will usually name a group of people you belong to.

Some starters on how to check in with your community:

• Give yourself a community health check. Do you feel an active part of a community that you feel you belong to? Are you trying to do too much and not giving your best to the communities that really matter? Do the communities you belong to really represent your values and what's important to you? What would you like to stop, start, and maintain with the communities you already belong to?
• If you have some spare community-capacity in your life think about what you could get involved in where you could learn something new with people who share your most important values. Are there things that you'd like to try but have never found time for? Perhaps it's time to stop binge-watching Netflix and doom-scrolling your newsfeed and fill that time with more community time? If you're not going to do it now then when are you?
• It's easier than ever to start a community online. I once accidentally started one of the largest games clubs in Europe by encouraging people to regularly turn up at the Royal Festival Hall in London to play Scrabble. It's just something I thought would be fun to do and MeetUp.com made it easy. Take a look at MeetUp.com or other groups on other platforms and see what you might start or join. It's a way to meet people IRL and creating your own community has never been easier.

3. Contribution

It's well-known in the field of positive psychology that giving has a far more positive influence than receiving. In a famous experiment college students were given $20 and asked to spend it on themselves. When they had done that they were given another $20 and asked to spend it on someone else. They were then asked which felt better and the answer was clear and unquestionable. Giving IS better than receiving and this experiment has been repeated by hundreds of groups and with the many different variations with the same results.

The research shows that the less people have the more willing they are to give in proportion to what they own. Sometimes when you haven't got much then all you can spare is your time and attention but that is a huge gift in itself.

Contributing to the communities we belong to is fundamentally rewarding and reinforces our existing connections and sense of belonging. Being involved is one thing but making a contribution where you give more than you receive can be so much more satisfying.

Give yourself a contribution check-up:

• Do you give to the communities that matter to you most or are you just a member and not a net contributor? Could you do or give more in a way that would work for you?
• Do you begrudge giving something because you don't feel your contribution is valued or even recognised? How could you stop doing that and spend that time contributing something that is appreciated and valued?
• Are you familiar with the concept of paying it forward? It's where you help someone out without any expectation of the favour being returned and all you ask is that the person that receives your help pays it forward to someone else. The concept was popularised by the film Pay it Forward over 20 years ago. Sharing your WiFi account with your neighbour doesn't count as it has to be something that actually costs you to feel the full benefit. Volunteering your time to teach someone to use a computer would. You get the idea - if not, watch the film.

Finally...

If life feels out of balance and not as satisfying as you wish it was then take a look at your own Happiness equation.

What is the smallest step you could take on one C on the right of your equation to increase your H? When can you start it and if not now then when?

If you found anything in this article useful then pay it forward by passing it on to someone who might also find it useful or leave a comment below to let me know which C you're working on.

Thanks for reading.