Form is Temporary, Class is Permanent!

It's that time of the year where some people celebrate success, some remain indifferent, and some feel devastated. "I slogged the entire year, but I am devastated, broken with what I got. Why me?" read the text from Venky. 

I picked up the phone and called him immediately. I was worried if he got served a pink slip. Businesses these days are going through extremely challenging times, and I was hoping that I wasn't going to hear one for Venky. 

"Hey Buddy, thanks for calling, I was feeling low, I worked extremely hard this year and was hoping to see my name on the promotion list. Forget that, I got an average rating. It hurts, buddy. I've just lost hope in here.", Venky said.

I had my eyes closed as I heard this and just remembered my own story of having gone through something very similar, probably worse earlier in my life, except that I lost quite a lot beyond just an opportunity. As I was hearing him out, I was paying very close attention to his choice of words. He wasn't doing himself a great help by 'feeling bad' about what just occurred. 

"Look, Venky, I know how much you wanted this to be a great year. But, has it occurred to you that it could have been worse? The world is going through tough times, you see. The game of what-ifs can be played on both sides, isn't it?" I asked. 

"Let me share something with you that you probably don't know," I said.

"Remember I had called you a few years ago about a wonderful opportunity that I had bagged and my family & I were going to relocate abroad?", I asked, hoping he remembered it. 

"Who would forget it, Gopal? That was like a dream come true for you, and we were all so happy for you", Venky said. 

"Yeah, so I had gone to see my family in Mumbai before I took up this assignment. Dad hadn't been keeping well then, and his health was getting worse by the day, yet when I told him about the news of my travel, he shook me by hand, congratulated me, and said, do well wherever you go! My blessings will always be there with you.

The same evening, out of nowhere, I got a call from the company that offered me the role of shelving the project indefinitely. I couldn't believe what had just happened, on the one hand, I was glad that I could stay back, but on the other, I just saw my dream of being in Europe getting shattered. 

Dad left us in 2 weeks, we knew it would happen someday, but I probably was never going to accept the loss anyway. It shattered me. I wasn't ready to accept any of this and kept blaming everyone around me for it. 

Months passed; it was the annual performance review season. I had no hopes, given that I hadn't had a chance to contribute much, besides I didn't have much to do. I sailed through that year. I called my mom and told her. She said to me what she had often said to me in the past, What you sow, so shall you reap. And, there have been numerous experiences in life that have made me believe in this more than ever," I said. 

"I never knew this Gopal; It was indeed tough. How did you manage to pull this through?" Venky asked.

"Let's say I was blessed to have a great mentor," I said.

"Hmm, so how did that help you, Gopal. I cannot think of anything but why this had to happen". He asked. I knew he needed some steer.

"My dear friend, remember, this is a temporary detour, perhaps an unexpected one, but certainly, not a dead end, . If you look at this as learning, you will find a lot of interesting perspectives to think about, won't you?" I asked. 

"But, Gopal, I was almost there, now I don't know what I am going to do," Venky was almost about to break down as he said that. 

"Yes, Venky, you were almost there, but you are HERE NOW! You need to accept this reality sooner than later before it starts eating you up further." Often, we find it extremely difficult to accept or come to terms with reality. The longer we allow the feeling to continue, we would only be hosting a 'Pity Party' at our own expense, and I needed him to realize that. 

"What could have happened may NOT have been your choice, but if you are going to let it impact you, that would indeed be your choice. How about if we shift our focus on the world of opportunities that we can work on creating?" I asked.

"This is why I called you, I knew you would ask me these questions, and I couldn't think of sharing these feelings with anyone," said Venky sounding hopeful that we would now be discussing What Next for him. 

"Venky, remember Thomas Edison? Imagine if he decided to quit on the light bulb the first time he failed OR Wright Brothers, who were laughed at by people when they imagined about Aircraft? Thankfully for world of invention, they didn't quit. 

Re-evaluate everything once you fail, and look for new doors that you can kick down. 

When it comes to performance, If you keep doing what you have been doing, you'll keep getting what you have been getting. If you need different outcomes, you probably have to change what you have been doing.", I said.

"I need you to reflect on what just happened and not react. Did you speak to your manager?" I asked."

"No, I just sent him a note, saying I am disappointed, and I am going to be taking a couple of days off," Venky said. 

"Look, Venky, you need to find ways to ask questions and get clarifications — it's critical to understand the specific ways you can improve. And this conversation needs to happen with your manager at the earliest. Remember, your career is like a ship, and you are the captain of the vessel. So if you need it to go in the right direction, you must steer it well.

My mentor gave me the following mantra: Accept, Reflect, Plan & Execute. Appraisals are often reflections of a collective observation. Getting angry, disappointed with your review, will only make things worse. Best is to accept it, move on, and take a good time to reflect upon. 

You would need specific inputs on opportunity areas, ensure you speak to multiple stakeholders to get clarity. 

Once you are clear, put together a goal plan and a smarter execution strategy.", I said.

"Would this work?" he still sounded unsure!

"Sachin Tendulkar got out 24 times in the 90s. That doesn't take away the fact that he scored over 34,000 runs in international cricket and that he remains a cricket legend, so if you will...?", I asked.

"Peaks and valleys are part of everyone's lives. This is one such in yours. Look at the larger picture, my friend. You are here for a long haul!", I said.

"I am glad that I spoke to you, Gopal, and it helps to learn through experiences like yours," Venky said. 

Note: All views expressed in this article are personal and do not represent the opinions of any entity whatsoever with which I am, I have been or I will be affiliated.