Forgiveness: Setting Someone Free and Realizing It’s You

The quote "Forgiveness is like setting someone free and realizing that someone is you" is often attributed to several sources, but its exact origin is unclear. It's a variation of a widely shared sentiment about forgiveness, sometimes linked to author Lewis B. Smedes, who famously wrote:

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."

Smedes, a theologian and professor, discussed the healing power of forgiveness in his book "Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve" (1984), which emphasizes that forgiveness benefits the person doing the forgiving as much as, or more than, the one being forgiven.

Forgiveness is a concept we all wrestle with, whether it's letting go of a grudge, a betrayal, or just the guy who cut us off in traffic. But as the quote goes, "Forgiveness is like setting someone free and realizing that someone is you." It sounds noble, even a bit Zen, but if we're honest, forgiveness often feels less like liberation and more like pulling out splinters one by one. Yet, when we genuinely forgive, it’s not just the other person who’s set free—our own emotional chains begin to loosen, too.

Think about it: holding onto anger or resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer. Sure, holding a grudge can feel oddly satisfying for a while (revenge fantasies are free therapy, right?), but in the end, it’s your own peace that’s being held hostage. When we let go of that emotional baggage, we create space for healing, growth, and even a little joy. Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior or forgetting what happened; it means releasing the toxic hold the past has on your present.

So, the next time you’re struggling to forgive, remember that forgiveness is less about the person who wronged you and more about giving yourself the gift of freedom. Besides, life’s too short to let bitterness steal your time and energy. And let’s be real—why would you want to give someone that much power over your happiness? Let it go, laugh a little, and move forward with a lighter heart.

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