FORGIVENESS

What IS forgiveness?

Forgiveness IS healing.

Forgiveness is not carrying the weight and stories around with you wherever you go about what has happened in your past. It is the ability to care for yourself more than you care about something that was done.

Forgiveness is the ownership that what was done was done. And NOW what do you want to do?

No matter what someone has done to you, or what you think they have done to you, it only lives as long as you hold onto it for. It only MATTERS as much as you give meaning to it.

Steve Chandler once said "Meaning is the difference something makes. If it makes no difference, it has no meaning." I thought that was brilliant. I wrote that down on a sticky note.

And now I want to expound and possibly disagree. I want to reframe and say even if something MAKES a difference, someone wronged you in a very real way, I think it STILL has no meaning. No meaning more thAn the meaning you give it.

But forgiveness is letting the hate out of your heart because it hurts YOU to keep it there. It hurts to even use the word hate. That's why I stopped loving as easily as it is to hate. Because that first means I have to remember what hate is like. I don't want that. I now love as easily as it is to love because it IS so easy to love. And it feels so amazing to love yourself enough to be forgiving of others who are trying to take you away from that.

No matter WHAT someone may do to you, have they REALLY done anything to you?

What if someone did something to you, maybe called your boss and had them fire you, and now you were fired. What's done is done. NOW what?

Now? You find a new job. You ask your old boss to have a talk. You find out that the company is going down and it's a good thing you aren't there anymore.

Whatever it is, what HAPPENED doesn't matter. You CAN rightfully begrudge and harbor ill will towards the person through which your job was lost. But why? It only hurts US to hold onto that story so tight.

Think about it yourself. In any situation when there is someone you don't want to forgive. Think about the hurt they caused you. Think about how you feel about them and how angry you are. And try to imagine NOT feeling that way. Don't you FEEL that difference in your body? Don't you feel lighter when it just stays in the past, and it doesn't MATTER right now?

THIS is where we grow into AWESOME human beings. Being so clear and focused and realizing it JUST DOES NOT MATTER what someone has done to you.

Forgiveness is NOT about making them right or saying they are not wrong. No no! They might be terribly wrong! But why does it matter? Why do I want to carry that around? I don't! Do you?

Imagine someone is making trouble in your life, and whenever you come by they have a remark or jab for you. You might say they are in a fight with you.

But YOU don't have to be in a fight BACK.

I imagined it today to someone launching cannon calls. Someone may be wronging you, either verbally or actually. They are launching cannonballs. But it only MATTERS when you sit there CATCHING them and trying to either carry them around or figure out how to throw them back. But what if you just dodged them and moved on? What if you felt BAD for this person for being so lost and confused and angry and themselves that they seem to be taking it out on you?

People can sling mud at you. But you don't have to walk around with it still there. Just go wash it off. Be grateful that YOU don't do things like that.

But forgiveness is letting the hate out of your heart because it hurts YOU to keep it there. It hurts to even use the word hate. That's why I stopped loving as easily as it is to hate. Because that first means I have to remember what hate is like. I don't want that. I now love as easily as it is to love because it IS so easy to love. And it feels so amazing to love yourself enough to be forgiving of others who are trying to take you away from that.

Forgiveness is healing. Forgiveness is healing. And forgiveness is the path to real sustainable growth.