Forgiveness

Forgiveness

By James Ainsworth

There has never been a better time than now to write a blog on forgiveness. With so much hate, violence and killing, I thought it would be a great idea to explain what forgiveness is, what it is not and how to implement it into your life.

When you forgive someone you aren’t forgiving their actions. You aren’t understanding, defending or approving of the persons behaviour. It won’t change the past, nor will it erase the event from your memory.

What forgiveness does is release the anger and hurt inside you. This same anger and hurt which is causing your body pain and suffering. This can have major effects on your relationships, career and everyday life. Forgiveness is a choice only you can make. 

In fact everything you do is a choice you and only you can make. 

I went through anxiety and depression after a break up with an ex girlfriend. I blamed her for the pain and suffering I was going through, but I was wrong to do so. Overtime I accepted the situation and came too terms that I couldn’t change the past. I used a technique called Ho Opon Opono which I will explain later. Overtime using this technique the pain and suffering I once had, went from severe pains in the chest and solar plexus to laughing, smiling and only thinking of the good times we had together.

After the recent events in Manchester and London, forgiveness has never been as important as it is now. In some incidences grieving is required especially if you lost a family member or friend. Some people though might have a grudge against a next door neighbour because of a border dispute and has never forgiven in 2 or 3 years. This can cause long term bitterness.

If you are constantly angry or hate someone, this can have detrimental issues on your health.  It can turn you from been nice & friendly into a bitter twisted person who always looks at the negatives and feels life is always out to get them.

I went to see a professional speaker called Richard McCann. His mother was the first lady to be killed by the Yorkshire Ripper. He lost his father and sister in his 30’s. Yet everything that had happened to him, he still managed to forgive the Yorkshire ripper for his mother’s murder. He said during a talk I went to watch “It was like something had just been lifted and I felt free of the anger & hurt I had inside me.” He could quite easily have not forgiven him.   

Forgiving yourself is just as important as forgiving others. You have 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts everyday, now imagine how many of these thoughts are negative or self limiting. You have to treat yourself like you treat your best friend. Would you shout at your best friend and tell them that they are useless and not worthy. This is how a lot of people treat themselves everyday. Instead of shouting or thinking negatives thoughts about yourself you need to encourage and support yourself through easy and hard times. If your friend came to you upset and in tears, you would do what you could to cheer them up and help them get through the situation. This is exactly how you need to be with yourself. We tend to be our biggest critic. Now the occasional negative thought never hurt anyone and can help you grow as a person, but constantly thinking negatively about relationships, careers, family and other areas of your life can cause you a lot of problems evening causing anxieties, depression and in worst cases suicide. 

One technique I have used to help me forgive others and myself is the Ho Oponopono. Now this is a Hawaiian forgiving technique which has been used by the local tribes and shamans to forgive themselves and others of past events and situations.

Spend time thinking about a past event where you have been wronged by others or yourself. Spend time thinking about this situation in as much detail as possible. Now choose 1 of 2 phrases to repeat.

I’m Sorry

Please Forgive Me

Thank You

I Love You

OR

I Forgive You

Please Forgive Me

Thank You

I Love you

I repeat these phrases everyday for 5 minutes. I used the 2nd phrase to forgive my ex-girlfriend and it worked wonders. When I think of her now, I no long have pain in my heart. In fact now I’m so grateful for the relationship we had and the things we shared together. 

Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do yet one of the most rewarding. 

So if you are holding onto something you feel you can forgive. Take a few moments and decide whether this is worth all the pain and suffering, if it is not then decide how you can move forward and forgive the person, yourself or situation.

It’s a choice you make and no one can do it for you.