The Forgiveness Edge Vol.3 | Reparenting Your Inner Child: A Path to Forgiveness This Thanksgiving

As the holidays approach, many of us anticipate joyful reunions, but we also brace for the emotional complexities that family gatherings can bring. For those with unresolved pain from childhood, facing family members can bring up wounds that never fully healed. One powerful way to start mending these old hurts is through reparenting your inner child—a practice that allows you to access forgiveness even for those who may never fully understand or acknowledge the harm they caused.

What is Reparenting?

Reparenting involves becoming the caregiver your younger self needed, helping you heal deep-seated emotions from childhood. Rather than depending on a partner, friend, or even the people who hurt us to fill that role, we take responsibility for giving our inner child the compassion, safety, and understanding they lacked. This practice empowers us to find peace independently of the people or situations that once caused us pain, breaking the cycle of dependence on others for our healing.

Why Reparenting Helps Heal Old Wounds

The concept of reparenting is about giving your inner child the security and love they might have missed. It’s an intentional process of quiet reflection and acknowledgment that allows us to connect with those childhood feelings and find out what we needed but didn’t get.

One powerful exercise in reparenting is simply connecting with your inner child by imagining yourself as you were—perhaps five, six, or seven years old—whenever those difficult memories began. As you visualize, you might ask, “What do you need right now? How are you feeling? What do you want to hear from me?”

For many of us, like myself, this practice opened the door to real forgiveness. I remember being just four or five years old, feeling helpless and terrified as my father, who struggled with schizophrenia, would have episodes of rage. He was physically and verbally abusive to my mother and older siblings, and as a child, I couldn’t understand what was happening—I only knew I was scared and angry.

As an adult, that anger lingered. It wasn’t until many years later that I found a path to healing. I vividly remember September 11th. My father, who still lived in Canada, went looking for my mother to ensure we were safe. This led him to call me, and for the first time, I told him all the things I’d kept buried since childhood. Though he couldn’t acknowledge or own his actions, I felt an immense sense of closure. It was as though I was speaking up on behalf of my inner child, giving her the voice she hadn’t had back then.

Finding Closure Without an Apology

Reparenting allows us to give ourselves the emotional closure we may never receive from others. Although my father never apologized, that conversation marked the beginning of my forgiveness journey. Through this process, I found empathy for him, realizing that his mental illness often dictated his actions. Reparenting my inner child helped me release the resentment I had held onto for so long and ultimately allowed me to rekindle my relationship with him.

In this way, forgiveness becomes a gift we give ourselves. We no longer wait for validation or remorse from those who may never be able to give it. Instead, by nurturing our inner child, we rewrite the story, breaking free from the grip of resentment and walking into family gatherings with a sense of peace, compassion, and strength.

Try this process on your own or with a therapist.

Step 1: Connecting with Your Inner Child

Begin by setting aside quiet time to connect with your younger self. Think back to when you were five to seven years old—or whatever age resonates with an impactful experience. Picture yourself as that child. What did you look like? What were you wearing? How did you feel? If memories are hazy, ask family members to help you fill in the details. Sometimes, even small recollections can bring significant insight.

This connection helps you see yourself through compassionate eyes, a key step toward breaking any lingering self-blame or shame. When we see ourselves as children, it’s easier to understand that we were just trying to cope with circumstances we couldn’t control.

Step 2: Communicating with Compassion

Once you have a sense of who your inner child was, imagine sitting down with them. In a gentle, reassuring tone, ask, “How are you feeling today?” or “What do you need?” It can be surprisingly powerful to listen to this younger version of yourself, asking questions like, “What are you holding onto? What are you blaming yourself for?”

This step helps you identify needs that were left unmet—whether for love, safety, or validation. Recognizing these needs can reveal patterns in your adult life where you may seek approval or fear rejection. By being present with your inner child’s emotions, you offer them what others couldn’t.

Step 3: Nurturing with Love and Affirmation

Now, offer the kindness and protection you might have missed as a child. Visualize holding your younger self, offering words of comfort like, “You are safe. You are loved. You are enough. You have a voice.” Reassure them in a soft tone, just as a caring parent would. This act of nurturing lets you internalize the love that was absent, filling in those gaps with the support you now have the power to give yourself.

If it feels right, look into a mirror and speak to your inner child directly. You’re not just comforting a memory—you’re healing the parts of yourself that still carry that pain. Each affirming word gives that child the care they deserved, allowing them to release the pain and find peace.

The Path to Forgiveness

When we offer love to our inner child, we cultivate empathy for the adults we’ve become—and, eventually, for those who may have caused our pain. Many parents, aunts, uncles, or caretakers were doing the best they could, even if that best was far from what we needed. Reparenting teaches us to let go of the expectation that they’ll someday apologize or recognize our hurt.

In this way, forgiveness becomes a gift we give ourselves. We no longer wait for validation or remorse from those who may never be able to give it. Instead, by nurturing our inner child, we rewrite the story, breaking free from the grip of resentment and walking into family gatherings with a sense of peace, compassion, and strength.

This Thanksgiving, as you sit down with family, know that you carry within you the love and strength to heal your wounds. Reparenting your inner child not only mends the past but also builds a foundation for future relationships—rooted in self-acceptance, empathy, and, ultimately, forgiveness.

And if you’re feeling the need to go a little deeper, or you’re looking for extra support through this season, I’m so excited to share that I’m partnering with Georgia Powell of Powell Mental Health to offer a special Forgiving for Thanksgiving Boot Camp. This group coaching program will be available both in person and online, so we’re thrilled to bring it to the Connecticut community and to anyone across the country who needs it.

Can’t make one of the sessions? No worries—we’re also offering a free guide: a Five-Step Toolkit with tools and resources to support you through the holidays.

This season, let’s walk into our gatherings feeling lighter, open, and prepared for the connections that matter most.

Ready to join us or download your free guide? Let’s make this holiday season one of true healing and peace.