Forgiveness is NOT…
Jacob Kinyanjui, Ph.D, PMP, PSM
Corporate Trainer / Project Management / Strategic Management Consultant
Forgiveness is NOT trusting. If someone raped a child, they should not be trusted with a child again. If they shot someone fatally, they shouldn’t be trusted with a gun again. If they cheated with their eX, why should you trust them when they’re together? Even if you forgive someone, you’re not necessarily responsible for their reformation.
Forgiveness is NOT a one-time event. It may take months before healing from a tragic divorce. It may take weeks before your partner heals from wounds of your betrayal. Don’t try to fast-track the process mechanically. Allow them to heal. Give room for them to go through a complete emotional recovery.
Forgiveness is NOT the end of pain. This naivety turns the offended into the victim. You’ll still experience pain even after forgiving someone. Forgiveness is turning the right of vengeance to God.
Forgiveness is NOT forgetting. What does God mean when He says, “…and their sins I will remember no more – Jeremiah 31:34; Hebrews 8:12 & Hebrews 10:17”
God is all knowing. God does not forget anything. When the Bible says God will remember our sins no more, it means God will never use repented sins against us. When you forgive, you don’t use one’s past against them. That does not mean they have earned your trust. Trust is never given, trust is earned.
Forgiveness is NOT waiting for an apology. Some people will never apologize. Forgiveness does not depend on what others do or don’t do. Forgiveness is your attitude towards offence. Realizing that in this life, you’ll always be offended. Forgiveness is realizing that some people will never change – stop expecting them to change – and change the way you think about them.
Forgiveness is NOT reconciliation. You can forgive someone even if you never get along with them again. You can forgive and still divorce. You can forgive and still hand over the one who murdered your loved one to jail. Forgiveness is refusing to allow your past pain to destroy your present and abort your destiny. Forgiveness is refusing to harbor the baggage of grudges, bitterness and resentments in your heart.
DR. K. N. JACOB